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Randall2018

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  1. Thanks. I highly doubt if anyone on this site is "normal" (myself included) so you may not find a perfect answer to your question. For whatever reason, my mind too can go to dark places where I feel like a failure, that I am worthless, that I should never have been born, that I am an awful person ... and I continue to tune out all of the people who tell me that I am not any of those things. By modern society's standards, my life is really good, good career, good wife, beautiful children, lovely home, etc., yet my mind is not filled with samples from the average person in modern society's commentary, it is filled with me, the good, the bad, and certainly the ugly. I will keep searching for meaning, I doubt that I will find a satisfactory explanation of the meaning of life, but in short: "I feel your pain" (not exactly though probably, but maybe something like it).
  2. I'm new to this site. I am 44 years old, an Attorney, been married for 15+ years and have three beautiful children. I am struggling with being completely honest with my wife about some shameful things I have done (and continue to do), such as excessive pornography use, lying about going to AA meetings, lying about seeing a therapist for help, etc. The shame attached to the behavior plus the shame attached to not being honest about it are sending me to dark places in my mind. However, I often think that not telling my wife "everything" might be okay if it keeps her from getting angry, upset, or of course wanting to leave me. I am sort of rambling, but I am starting to feel hopeless and I wanted to get some of my feelings out.
  3. I'm new to this forum and your post really helped. I am going through an increased period of depression (as opposed to my normal amount of depression) , and I sometimes feel even worse when I think that maybe I am just a whiner who does not have any legitimate reason to be sad or feel bad. So your apology at the end about people with "really good reasons" hit home for me. Yours are as good as anyone's, I don't think anyone has figured out why we go the places we go in our minds, let alone whether their are legitimate or illegitimate reasons for doing so.
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