BeyondWeary

My mom and dad can be very nice but they haven't faced the truth of their controlling ways, emotional distancing, and unreasonable expectations. They think that my depression and anxiety are my fault for bad choices I made. It is impossible to talk to them about it so I just don't go there. I am to fly there next month for my dad's 90th birthday and I'm not looking forward to all the pretending I will need to do. I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through. I do have some good recovery after working on my issues so that will help and I'm trusting my God will help me as we have a good relationship. So I'm committing to make it through somehow. BW

Welcome to DF! Sorry that you are going through all that. I've heard that legal eviction can take a long time. So maybe that is an option. I don't know your relationship with your grandma but her actions seem pretty harsh. Maybe you can talk things over with her and ask for more time or ask her to do it legally. We will support you as best we can. You are not alone. BW

I feel for you. Your mom most likely has her own issues. I've heard it said that hurting people, hurt people just because that is what they know and it is usually the people closest to them. Sorry you are in such a hard place. Hope you find a way to get through it all. BW

I feel for you. It's really awful when life is so painful and hard to live especially with depression and anxiety. Hope things get better for you in some way you need.

I'm pretty good during the day as the meds are helping yet at night things change and I feel extra anxious and can't sleep much. I don't know what happened as I used to sleep well with the one med I take in the evening. It's so frustrating!

Welcome nouserfound! Sorry that you are far from home and dealing with the pain of depression. Maybe you can see if your school has a counseling department. It might be good to talk all this over with a counselor or therapist. They understand and can help you with your feelings and finding healthy ways of coping. Keep us posted. We will be here for you. BW

Welcome! This sounds like a great plan. Keep coming back, reading, and posting. It will help too. We are here for you. BW

Basically, you store emotions from past experiences in your right brain and they are especially strong with trauma. So situations in the present that are similar can trigger those past very strong feelings. EMDR therapy connects the right brain with the left brain, which is where the mind can reason through things and provide closure, using rapid eye movements by following the therapist hand as she moves it back and forth in front of you or by tapping the backs of your hands, back and forth. There are now even "tappers" that you hold in your hand and they vibrate back and forth. You would answers a few questions before hand and share what you experienced after each "set" of eye movements or tapping. The therapists will guide you through the process, as what to focus on, at your own pace. This is from what I have read and my own experiences with it. BW

Yes, my regular therapist got trained in it and has seen a lot of good results with it. BW

I look at myself as having 2 parts of me that are dominate - my head which has the intellect, the controlling & perfectionistic side and my heart which is the gentler, more realistic & true self. I run things by each side and if they don't agree, I go with my heart as that is the more real me. BW

Sorry that your job is causing you so much pain. Can you do anything to help yourself like taking more breaks, getting out of the office for lunch, or imagining yourself in a large bubble that is a shield and let things bounce off to fly out the window? Hope you have a good therapist that can help you thought this. There has got to be a job out there that is good for you. BW

My heart goes out to you. Hang in there with us. I believe you can get through this. Also I hope you have a good therapist that can help support you through this. BW

It sounds like the depression loudly talking. I know how that is. I used to be angry at God for letting me be born into a hard existence. I needed to work with a therapist and get the right meds to help me out of that depression/anxiety hole I was in. Please don't give up hope. It is possible for things to turn around. I pray that you find a way that works for you. BW

I think shame can get passed on from parent (or others) to child. I also think that there is guilt for doing something wrong and then there is unhealthy guilt that can cause us to feel bad about ourselves in a way that isn't true or realistic. I had to do a lot of work with a therapist on learning to let go of the shame and accept myself. It was worth it. A book that really helped me is called A Gift To Myself. It is a workbook that helps with healing the child within. BW

So sorry that you are dealing with all that yet glad you have gotten some insight that helps. I wish you the best!