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Joe Fubar

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  1. Guess this place ain't for me. Keep reading other people's stories, and honestly, part of me really wants to help. It's in my nature, despite my hatred of myself and inability to help myself. I can relate to so many on this site, but have no words of help to offer. I read their posts and agree with most of them. No one here can help me. And no signs of any friends for me. Just like in real life. Totally sucks. Hate myself so much. Not really meant for this world I suppose.
  2. Well, today was not the best day of my life. Shocker.
  3. Thank you for the prayers. I desperately need them. I'm on the verge of giving up. Today was difficult. Tomorrow will either be even worse or the best day of my life.
  4. Thank you for your kind words. I'm not quite in healthcare, but I'm part of the process. Lots of people do my job. And while i am pretty damn good at it, I can easily be replaced. Which I would be if I spoke to anyone (professional) about my depression. As far as my family goes, they must know, though I try to put my best face forward. My children are especially upset we're losing the house. I can blame them. Their dad is a loser.
  5. Maybe I'm in the wrong place. I thought reaching out might help me. It hasn't. Maybe I'm just too accustomed to the sadness to know what to do without it. The circumstances directing my life down the drain show no sign of improving. Past is full of regret, present is constant hurt, future bleak. Tired and in pain all day and night.
  6. Getting out of bed is not an accomplishment for me as I'm up most of the night anyway. Of course there is a ton of frustration to think I'm accomplishing something getting out of bed when it leads to no net gains for the day. Why bother? So I can go to work and help people at a job that can't support my family. My livelihood depends on people getting hurt. And as screwed up as my situation is, I own it. I don't blame anyone or anything else. No one will come to me with their problems because I have no friends. I spend my days and nights in a very dark place. Things just keep getting worse. I just keep praying to God for help.
  7. Sorry you were in the hospital. I have no idea of how what I wrote helped you, but I'm glad it did. But please, im a piece of garbage, so there should be no kind words said of me. I could save a 10 lives every time I go to work and it still would make up for me being such a screw up. And unfortunately for me it doesn't make my life any better.
  8. The downward spiral continues. At this age my life should be getting easier. Instead it gets more difficult. I don't feel like small accomplishments like getting to work on time are noteworthy, because it's already expected of me. Providing for my family would be an accomplishment. Failing miserably there. I go to work and help people for a living, yet screw up the lives of the people closest to me. With each passing day, self esteem drops, self hate grows.
  9. Hi. Thank you for welcoming me. Not getting "professional" help - nothing but problems with it in the past. Tried lots of prescriptions too. More harm than help. I really think there is no cure for my depression. I read a lot of forums, but am just trying to reach out now. Not exactly sure why. Don't know if it really matters. If life is a game - like Stillstandingtall just said, then I'm definitely losing. I have a ton of things that I am grateful to God for, yet I still feel aweful. I guess that's the disease. Thanks for the replies.
  10. Hello all. Not sure if I'm in the right place, or even the right website. I just know that I'm terribly depressed and have no friends or anyone who'll listen. I'm middle aged and failing miserably at life. Was doing well all around, now, overall, in the $hitter. And things keep getting worse. Just about lost all hope. Things suck real bad.
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