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TheeForgotten93

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Everything posted by TheeForgotten93

  1. Thank you @starbucksjunkee i really appreciate that and i'll definitely send you a private message over at some point, @musiclover83 social media really does make things much more difficult and easier to fall into these traps of despair in certain senses, because information is so readily and easily available nowadays photos status updates etc etc, i know very much what you mean by the feeling like invasion of someones privacy but like you said it is a public page with information they're happy to share with the world so i guess in a lot of respects there is nothing wrong with it, i guess just because we know how deeply we feel towards these people it makes our brains react in different ways, i can defiantly relate to the impulsive feeling like you feel draw towards doing it and even trying to fight the temptation and urges just doesn't leave you feeling in a good way but although looking at the photos gives you some form of happiness & high it's still a bittersweet emotion happy to see them but distraught that you cant be apart of their lives so i guess its really quite a vicious cycle i do want to break this cycle in some senses and to be free from the claws of this obsession to some extent but then the other part of me doesn't want to stop either i love the happiness it brings me, however i very much hate the lows from this experience it's such a confusing situation to be in that's for sure, it would almost feel in some way like mourning a loss when/if i am able to stop feeling like this? because it would be like my brain is finally making peace and acceptance that things will never progress or happen between me and my Co, and i feel right now that's just too much of a bitter pill to swallow for me emotionally and mentally *sigh*
  2. Hey @Starbucksjunkee thank you for the message i can definately relate to the social anxiety, i did actually think in the beginning that i had bipolar as my Co is literally only a small fraction of what issues i have going on, but they come to the conclusion of pure o ocd, and they picked up that i had autism so.. i guess here i am i would really appreciate and like to discuss things more whenever is convenient for you i feel it will help to learn more from another persons perspective of things etc other than just what i've been experiencing if that makes sense? and i'm really sorry to hear that yup i've been trying to do the entire avoidance thing but certainly failed, i ended up googling this guy over again.. and watching more videos as well as watching the live recording that i got from the musical event i went to where i met him, i think the worst part about it is in someway because of how much i want to be apart of his life i ended up trying to google where he lives i really dont even know why i did it i guess i just kinda felt drawn into doing so and it brough me some form of comfort, not that i'd ever dare go let alone it not being possible given i'm across the pond from america but to some extent the entire situation makes me feel a little bit creepy its such a bitter sweet feeling because i honestly just want to cuddle him so much and just have him want me urgh -_-'
  3. Hey @musiclover83 thank for for the response, i'm just really glad to know in some sense that i'm not the only person who's experiencing this although i wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy either as it really isn't exactly a pleasant thing to be going through, i'm sorry that your going through this too, it definitely is mentally and psychically exhausting :( i guess one question i do have i guess is i have been diagnosed with both Autism and Pure O ocd, but what exactly causes this? i mean i would like to say to become so fixated on someone to the extent where your life literally revolves around them isn't exactly healthy or "Normal" per-say having said that what really is a definition of normal anyway
  4. Hey all, so this is my first time on here and posting but its honestly nice to see that I'm not alone in feeling the way I do, I thought I was honestly going crazy my one Co has literally taken over my life for the past year and I've really not known how to deal or process why I've been feeling the way I do, my Co is a Actor and a musician he's been on my mind ever since i first set eyes on him, I'm lucky in the sense that I've met him but I'm not so sure that, that has actually helped matters or made them worse really he also has a gf but that really hasn't fazed me or turned my attraction off in the slightest I guess I just feel much more envious of her more than anything, but the thought that I'll never be good enough or apart of his life has been pretty much ripping me to shreds emotionally, I have tried explaining this to some professionals but sometimes trying to get the words out and trying to make sense of how I'm feeling and why can be difficult enough to process for myself let alone explaining it to others, has anyone else here felt a real suffocating feeling as though your drowning as though your being sunk underwater (not like a panic attack kinda way though) from the upset and turmoil of unhappiness that you can be left feeling from craving and obsessing over someone you long for whom becomes somewhat unreachable? I apologise if that's a stupid or insensitive question, I have tried to make peace with my Co being what it is and just that, but unfortunately no matter what I do I can't shake him off of my mind, even when I don't think of him and try and shut him out to lessen any further emotional damages, my brain always has and holds the Ace card to pull me straight back in with vivid lifelike dreams I think what makes it worse is in my dreams where everything is what I hoped things to be and more I actually feel everything too, the only way I can describe this is very bittersweet, I'm sorry if this message is a little shambled I'm just pretty fried right now from all this, I hope everyone is ok and this message is somewhat relatable?
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