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  1. Thank you Tungsten for your answer. I guess I'll wait a couple weeks and see if the symptoms go away. If they don't then I'll go get checked out by a professional. Do you have any advice on how to ignore or control these thoughts more easily ?
  2. Hi everyone, I'm writing this because I feel like I'm slowly drowning in false thoughts. So it all started a couple months ago when I started smoking "the green stuff" while watching conspiracy theories on Youtube. Everything felt like it was real. Eventually these thoughts went away but I feel like they left something behind. Now I have this growing idea that the world is somehow controlled. That we are slaves to a system that is simply a tool to keep human minds busy doing work. These thoughts are becoming harder and harder to deal with. I'm still doing ok but I'd say I'm not "fine" with it anymore. In my day to day life, it's pushing me to make different choices. Buying different products with less chemicals because these chemicals could well be harmful on purpose, getting frustrated with my job because I think the only reason I work is to feed a slave driven system or even thinking about buying my first house as far away from the city as possible. Other thoughts could be: feeling watched from all the cameras on all devices (cellphones, laptops..) or feeling like everything I write or do online is being monitored by someone. The main reason I don't go see a mental health care professional is because I feel like if they find something wrong, I will be stuck with a "tag" and my whole life could be negatively impacted. I know these are false thoughts but they are growing and it feels like it could go out of control at some point. Every variable in my life is going extremely well except for this one and it's very important that it doesn't break anything. So what are your thoughts? Any trick to fight these thoughts?
  3. I don't know what province you're from but here in Quebec, the rule is this. So if you are 14 or older, everything you say will stay private.
  4. Hi Scott! I'm surprised you can already feel the effects of Zoloft after only 4 days. It personally took me about 2 weeks to feel some kind of difference. Maybe Zoloft isn't for you. The best thing to do would be to talk to your doctor and see if he/she can allow you to try another drug. Anti-depressants feel weird and that is especially true when it's your first experience. When I first started Zoloft, I didn't fully like the feeling because it made me feel lazy and empty. My doctor added a drug called Bupropion to the mix and it fixed it all! It makes me think of something that happened in my life 6 years ago. I had my first "depression" diagnosis and was given an anti-depressent. After 10 days, it felt so weird and made me so uncomfortable that it made me put everything in different a perspective. It made me think that maybe I wasn't so bad if I could get much worse from a simple pill. That gave me enough energy to beat depression without medication. I'd say, keep taking the meds unless it's going in a "dangerous" zone. If you can't deal with the different changes in the way you feel things, really just go see a doctor and discuss with him. I hope you get better, stay in touch! Jonathan
  5. Hi everyone! It's almost been 2 months since I created this discussion and I just wanted to give an update. The video I posted earlier in this thread worked like a charm. I 100% stopped thinking about those questions without even being aware of it. So if you ever are having an existential crisis similar to mine, do yourself a favor and watch it! Coming back to this thread makes me wonder what are my new "dark existential thoughts" at the moment. I think I have big issues with society in general and its dependency on economy. That makes it a bit hard to "surf the wave" because I'm spending too much energy resisting it all. Any advice? A friend at work told me that if it starts becoming too hard, I should just stop resisting society's values and just let myself drown in it and I'll eventually be fine with it. So do you guys think it's fine to become more selfish and less caring if it's to have a better mental health? I love you all, have a great day, Jonathan
  6. You are! (couldn't understand better the computer loop thing since I'm a web developper) So I spent most of the night reading and watching videos on existential psychology and depersonalization and I found some kind of answer that resonates with what you wrote. I'll link the content that was the most helpful. So basically, concepts like meaning, significance, value are just a tool made up by the human mind. As a tool, they have no fundamental answer! So asking questions is useless and a waste of mental energy. However, the hard pill to swallow is that if these are tools, it means that we are living a big nothing. Some kind of made up life in a made up system. This idea will have to sink in for a bit but I think it's going to be way easier to deal with than to question every-single thing around my reality. In an essay I read, it just concluded with something around the idea of doing something that makes you go with the flow. Something that without really questioning doesn't make you want to question at all because you are just focused and enjoying that reality. when you said "quit thinking about how bumblebees can fly, and enjoy watching one do so", it really made sense with all of that information. I have to work on start experimenting to stop thinking too much. Pre-thinking an action won't bring me any good. I always have a thousand projects but never bring them to life because I just think them too much before starting them and whenever I start, they just don't seem to make any sense anymore. By doing first and thinking (not overdoing it) second, that'll allow me to experiment and enjoy things I didn't know about. Thanks for spending your time and helping me get answers Here's the video that hit me the most:
  7. Values do come from meaning and significance that we decide are our obsessions so it's kind of hard to find some and have belief in them. I can think of one thing that is fundamental right and meaningful. It's life in all its forms and shapes. So maybe that's what I should shape my own life around. I'll try to think about it a bit and write some "sub-values" around life. See if I can find any meaning in all of this mess. Thanks for the reply, you're awesome!
  8. Hi guys, this forum has been a great way to share and find some answers in the past and I think it might do the trick once again. To put everything in perspective I have been "free of depression" for the past 2-3 months. Thanks to the community in here, a bit of medication and my lovely girlfriend. The thing is, some questions have been rising in my head for years but they are really starting to annoy me and to make everything harder and harder. I just overthink everything and it makes every little bit of my life meaningless. It's hard to do anything at all when nothing makes any sense. At first my reaction was to try to answer the questions but I came to a conclusion that fundamental questions like "what's my purpose" or "what's the human's race agenda" or "who am I"... have no answer and never will. We all have our own reality depending on what surrounds us. The fact that these questions have no fundamental true answer is driving me crazy. How am I supposed to find a meaningful hobby if the only things that are meaningful in life are the ones that you decide are meaningful to you. If you overthink it a bit, it defines "meaning" as "obsessions". So does it mean that my life's meaning is to go crazy trying to find these answers (it surely doesn't). I'm trying hard to find my place in this world. This kind of existential crisis feels impossible to overcome. I don't understand why I can't fully enjoy every bit of my life when it's technically going more than very well. (24 y/o, healthy, perfect love life, nice financial situation... ) So what do you guys think of this situation? Has any of you ever experimented some kind of existential overthinking? What was your remedy? Could therapy help me find answers or forget about these questions? Thanks for reading, Much love, Jonathan
  9. Hey guys, it's ben 6 days since I last posted and almost 2 weeks since I stopped taking all anti-depressants. Most of the negative effects are gone. I still get a dozen vertigos everyday but I'm getting used to them. Going back to normal made me realize how unpredictable I am. I thougt these drugs made me somehow crazy but now I understand that I was exactly the same, but was able to analyse myself better. 2 days ago I decided to go travel for 14 days from Montreal to vancouver and to try and see everything the west coast has to offer. That's another crazy idea of mine. I'm going in 9 days! I'm not sure why I keep having ideas like this and why I feel like they MUST happen. I'm thinking about psychotherapy. Not because I feel like I need to change, but because I need to make sure that my crazy ideas never cause me trouble. That could maybe help me find answers to why I act like this. Anyways, thank you all once again. I'm always looking to talk to people, so don't hesitate!
  10. Hi guys, so it's been 1 week since I started tappering off zoloft. To be honest, I was unable to tapper off slowly because the more I reduced the drug amount, the more I felt how weird this drug made me feel. So on the fourth day I ended up quitting cold turkey. It's been somehow hard, but I'm getting there. The only side effects I have are vertigos. It's like my brain zaps out for 0.5 seconds and my balance suffers from it instantly. Another example would be the imagine a giant glasses lens moving and rotating randomly in front of your eyes. Reality and visual perspectives start glitching and then come back to normal. The vertigos aren't getting weaker but they are slowly getting less frequent. I think that I'll be stuck with them for at least another 7-10 days but the fact that most of the "zoloft bubble" around my head is gone makes all of this way easier to tolerate. Anyone ever experienced something like this? I also had 2 small heated talks with my girlfriend. I feel that emotions like anger are stronger now. It's not really negative but I guess it's a shock for the both of us that I do not act like a robot anymore. I started being a lot harder on my girlfriend's job search. It sure is a heated topic when she's been living off of me for the past 4 months but I never really reacted negatively to it. If anyone can relate to these side effects, let's discuss 😄
  11. Hi guys, I forgot to update this discussion. Luckily, I didn't get any different effect from the drug other than a very small nausea right before bed. So it really wasn't that much of an issue. Although nothing bad happened, I decided to stop using Bupropion after thinking about it for the 2 following days. I think this drug accentuated my impulsive/dumb decision making so stopping was a no brainer. Thank you for your support ❤️
  12. What if all we know is false? History, universe, the world... I mean, the only thing I can know for sure is my own reality!
  13. So for no reason, I decided to crush 300mg of bupropion xl and ingested it. I know I had to keep it intact but sometimes I have ideas that I don't think about. Now that I came to my senses, I'm a little stressed out by my stupid endeavour. I usually take 150mg. I know, I'm dumb... I also skipped my 100mg zoloft... So what's the worst I can expect now? Also, is it safe for me to drive?
  14. Thanks for your answer lonelyforeigner. I decided to stop zoloft but in a way that will make bubble fade away seemlessly. So I called my phamacist and asked him if the content of the pill was homogeneous. He told me the powder particles are extremely small compared to more "chunky" pills content. He added that it can't be considered perfectly homogeneous but that it mostly is. So I decided to taper off by opening my daily capsule and removing 5 mg every day. That will allow me to stop it in 20 days without discomfort. I did it last night and it was very easy. I'll keep you guys up to date. If I ever get any discomfort, I'll stick to the previous dose for a couple days then start lowering again. I know, it's weird that I want to give myself the hassle to alter the zoloft dosage but it's part of my personality. I want to feel like I control the situation as much as possible. I'll try to update this thread every 5 days
  15. Hi lackluster. Selfesteem is a very complicated concept. I used to think I was garbage on so many levels but I found a recipe that allowed me to conquer these negative thoughts. First you simple have to ask yourself: what caracteristics are bringing your esteem down? The answers have to be related to yourself and yourself only. In my case, I found that I disliked my body a lot (I was anorexic), that I talked too fast and didn't articulate enough and that I wasn't social enough. So I took about a week to analyse my case and made a decision. Usually, the more you are tired of having a low self esteem, the more willpower you'll have to fix the issues. I was EXTREMELY tired of it, so my first choice was to start going to the gym. I had read that sport was good for both mental and physical health. That would fix my anorexia and that was my biggest issue. The fun part is, it fixed everything! I paid for a personal trainer and gave myself 6 months of hard labor. Sport allowed me to become mentally stronger and physically good looking. That helped my self-esteem which allowed me to start socializing with people at the gym that I had never talked to in months.Being social allowed me to fix my "talking" issues too. All of this for 1500$ in 1 year. It's a lot of money, but It was the best investment in my life. Now every time I stop training, I see my self esteem drop like crazy and I can't live without it. If you're looking for a way to get better in general and that you have the willpower I had, you could try what I tried. But if you ever take that decision, don't go easy on it. You have to focus, by spending a lot of time there, by making constant researches related to that topic. It has to become part of you. If you are able to identify what brings you down, it's better for you to find a way to work on that one thing that hurts your self-esteem. I hope this helps and if you want to discuss a bit more about it, don't hesitate!
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