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drb1290

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  1. Thank you so much for this post. Sorry for the late reply as I just read it but no... I haven't tried counseling or medication.... I feel nothing will work as I just push everything and everyone away almost as if I like the suffering. I feel my issue is too complex to be resolved or i'm just too stubborn/confused to "go back" or "move forward" in that sense. I think I might give them a try but it's hard for me to even drag myself around to try and seek help...
  2. drb1290

    So Frustrated

    I'm sorry I don't have any advice as I feel the same way but I really want you to know that it takes a lot of courage to admit it and to even try going to therapy/taking prescribed drugs/etc and to go through this for years. You mention you still do work. You're not a quitter nor a coward and I can tell how strong you are by reading this post. I wish you the best
  3. drb1290

    "Independence" Day

    Me either. This is hell on earth.. At least there's few of us that can relate though. That as ****ed up at out of place that we feel we're still a community and that supposedly it can be cured through drugs and therapy. Trying to stay positive myself but I don't know how much more one can cry out for help and not receive it.
  4. drb1290

    Non depression people here ?

    Depression is negative in its nature... not a good place to look for happy posts.
  5. drb1290

    Out of control

    I remember when I was between having the choice to be in it or to get out of it, then it took over. Started with rumination and self-bashing consciously and then I think it became a habit and buried it's way down to the point of being beyond my control. I think a professional can help dig to the root of it because our minds work by branching together paths and connections.
  6. Have any of you experienced this? My thought's have been so out of order and I've ruminated so much to the point of almost forgetting who I was/am. Severe enough to the point where I feel I have to mimic my old personality to get by, but that's not living... It feels almost as if I've jumped out of myself and now I highlight, observe, and react to situations merely by putting on a face because I'm constantly anxious about not really knowing my identity. Memories are disturbed/distorted, I go to familiar places and they seem so obscure, I don't know how to act in social settings anymore. I can't even sleep at night because I'm so worried about who I am and how to fix this but it's really not easy because I also absolutely loath myself for all of this. I'm not the nice person I used to be, im not the independent person I used to be, I am now free-loadinig and disrespectful and have given up all dreams and ambitions. I make myself sick to be honest Anyone been here before? Got out of it? My time is running short
  7. drb1290

    "Independence" Day

    I'm right here with you. This is the first time I'm going to be missing out on my favorite holiday, at my favorite place of nostalgia since I was a child. It really is terrible when nothing just seems to have a positive effect anymore. I think of the fourth of July every year before last and how great it always was to spend a day just enjoying all of the festivities.. now I can't leave my house. The depression/anxiety is always there but the best we can do is remember that we still have that special place in our hearts and that maybe.. just maybe.. we can all feel that way again someday.
  8. drb1290

    Feeling worthless

    Here for the replies. I've let a breakup tear my life apart and I can tell you one thing, it's not worth it. I will say one reminder that helped me before I lost my damn mind is remember all of the times DURING the relationship, where you were still you. Functioning without your partner. Yeah. Even together, you were separate people. And another thing, sometimes I try to imagine if I was still with that person, if I would really be as happy as I think I would be after the breakup.
  9. drb1290

    Advice

    Coming from someone who was/is in a similar situation, just don't give up on him or adversely, go overboard on the encouragement. My ex was very good at being my number 1 fan at things and did make me feel like a Rockstar, but to a certain degree it feels superficial and almost fake. I don't know how to explain it, but it's confusing when you're not good enough to one person and then another thinks your an allstar. It just leads to confusion. I'd just be supportive and let him know that you're on his side by agreeing that his father isn't being fair and that he is in fact very talented. Without icing it too much. But don't feel like your efforts aren't good enough, I'm sure they're greatly appreciated, but it's really hard to be stuck between support and rejection. Hope this helped in some way.
  10. I'm feeling just about the same way. My breakup really f***ed me up. I couldn't fake it anymore at work and my personality almost completely changed. I just want you to know you're not alone. I know that I'm not. And it may sound cliché but I'd want to bet that a lot of people we encounter are faking their positivity too. They probably aren't so well off themselves. It seems that in our culture, hell, all around the world, we're supposed to box up all of our negative emotions and pretend to be happy and that we love what we're doing. It sucks, I know. I'm trying to get around it myself. But all I know is I had a taste of happiness before and it was great. You say that you weren't like this before the divorce, so I'm guessing you spent more time in a happy place than in this spot. I remind myself of this now and again, that I may be making myself more miserable than I should be.. Exaggerating the breakup. Not allowing myself to be happy because of it. I can't say I've been successful in getting out of this pit but I think I've identified what's happening and it may help you in some way too. But just try to keep on going. Try to remember what it was like to be happy without depending on others for the source.
  11. It’s like you look back and see how much progress you made, how much you developed previously.... and it’s like looking at a completely different person. How did you function in society before? How did you concentrate before? How did you date before? You’ve lost your ground. Now everything is chaotic because it’s like all of your accomplishments have gone to waste and now you’re sitting here self-loathing and feeling like a teenager even though you’re an adult. You sometimes forget that the exact people you started college with are now graduated, starting their careers, and are leading their own lives and relationships. While I am back to living with mom, sheltering myself to this room without having the courage to even go out in public. How the **** will I ever be able to work again? And how in god’s name could I ever date again? I’m a lost child and I’m even treated as so.
  12. drb1290

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    I feel like a 14 year old in a 21 year old's body. 2 days straight of playing games and my guitar, sifting through dating sites even though I know I don't even have the confidence to talk with my own parents. To be honest, just waiting for everything else the wither away until I'm officially at rock bottom, so maybe I can justify ending it all.
  13. drb1290

    Wanting to quit my job

    As long as you feel you are able to do another job, leave this one. Don't make the mistake I did. I left a job I grew comfortable with because of my depression/anxiety and I have no idea where else to go now.
  14. This all started happening about 3 and a half months ago. Sure, I had been getting over a breakup that was my fault, and was not entirely happy with how much I had let it get to me and I was ashamed of myself for not going back to college, and neglecting to pay my bills, but overall, I still felt.. myself... but within time, after the party was over, I started focusing more and more on just how much I've done wrong, started questioning my morality, and pretty much came to the conclusion, that without much doubt, I've had this coming all along and now I'm just facing the consequences of not being faithful, not paying my bills on time, not getting the damn oil change that led to my car's demise. Now, I stand totally clueless; or knowing too much, about how I got here. Hiding in my room for months, talking to family only when prompted by them, trying my hardest to keep my job but get time to myself, knowing that I can't really go back. I started feeling reluctant to going to work because I started getting strange looks from all of my customers and I started to lose confidence in knowing what to say/how to act around people. Now I live isolated and cant feel much worse about it. I've been staying with a friend but I didn't even tell my father I was leaving... I was too afraid of what he'd think. I haven't been to work in 2 weeks and I'm pretty sure I'm fired. Afraid of social contact, no income, guilt, shame, regret, yet I still spend every day trying to tell myself it's alright, that I'm better than this, but I know I'm not. So I just fire up the Xbox, play my guitar, and have a few drinks to myself while I stay in this hell.
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