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About mmd

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    Junior Member
  • Birthday 04/21/1992

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    Argentina, Mendoza

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  1. I havent talked with anyone today and since a while and Im needing it, just want to hear some of you to conect me again with human life for a while. What have you been doing lately ?
  2. Sorry to hear that Epictetus, yes I remember you mentioned to me about your grand mother. The pie/Pi story, wow. My mother loves to fight thats a bit of a problem, she is bad at social traits, instead try to find solutions she preffers to argue, lately she is quite ok, but her house is such a mess ! The other day at lunch time I was looking for a knife and in the knife drawer I found the old litter scoop of a cat we no longer have, you know for what the litter scoop is for... And she doesnt care if that is with the plates or anything.
  3. The stroke was long time ago, this is not a new story. After a stroke, now my mother have lot of cognitive issues, like short memory loss, also she cant find the words she is trying to say, she have an "exentric personality", she likes to fight with all people, she unbelievavle a messy house. I just post this to see if there are other people who also have a parent in this situation. Im not looking for advices or kind words. Due the stroke in her right part of the brain, her left hand is always closed, also a bit of the same in her left foot. She causes me lot of stress sometimes. In part of the fights she loves to have, also she sometimes cant comprehend things, so she fights again, even if Im trying to help her. When I visit her the house is really messy and she doesnt like if I clean it, the house needs some repair, the walls are crumbling but she doesnt want to repair it, even if she have the money. She have some "magic thinking", its complicated to explain. Things been OK with her lately, yesterday I had a bit of an aegue but was short, by phone, I try dont think too much because if I do I can go to a really dark place. Anyway.
  4. If money isnt a problem dont worry, being a parent isnt that difficult (lot of people are going to fight me but anyway). If you reaally want or not be a mother, thats a deep question, but... its seems you want to, and, seems your partner really wants to be a father, so its not like the kid is gonna be alone. Try to enjoy the new family members. Maybe I say this because I get along well with kids. Good luck.
  5. Just a vent. A used to have just 1 closed friend, that friend I could just call at any time to talk about anything. At one point we had phone calls every day, sometimes for more than 4 hours. Long story but due some troubles I had with him I decided to cut every relation with him. At the time I thought my desition was the right thing, today I have my doubts. Its not that I didnt want to be his friend anymore, all the oposite, I was needing of someone. Its bern 5 years or more since the last time I talkes with him. Several times I keep "conversations with him in my mind", I imagine the things I would say to thim, I imagine telling him jokes. I cant find in other person the chemestry I had with him. He was a very inteligent person, we had similar interests, and we cared of each other point of view over diferent topics. I just feel other persons are dull and not smart. Why mantain a chat with other person ? I dont care about other people ideas. I just feel silence, I feel anything cross my mind doest have a way out. I mean, I would like to share my thoughts, but I dont care about other people opinions or reactions. Sometimes when I talk with other people, I say something that is interesting to me, and I know the other is not going to appreciate what Im saying, but at least is relief, to speak loud my thoughts. Ive been thinking about my friend all this years, I check his facebook to see if he has posted something. Cant believe we were so closed, and now... its just history, as if nothing hapened. Dont care much about life. Why to live ? To keep eating and watching videos to keep me fun. Why to live if there isnt anyone to share your life. If im not doing work, Im just trying to fill my brain with online enterteining. Life feels plastic, life now is just a pattern I follow every day, its a schedule.
  6. The thing I most miss is to talk with other people. I dont have people to talk, and this is before this covid thing, its since a long while. When I have free time and spend time online I really feel how good would be go to a site and have people to talk. But I want people who have or had depression issues, but there are no social sites for people with depression, most sites are focused to talk about depression but not about just talk and socialize. I end up just reading the news over and over, watching a film, shooting my brain off to pass the time. Any other relates ?
  7. Hi again, i was going to make a long reply with arguments and all that, but im pretty tired really (sleepy). "I really appreciate your thoughtful reply, by the way. It's nice not to be told I'm just blind or ignorant to everything because I haven't lived through it personally. " You are welcome. I dont agree with some of the things you said in your last comment, but I can tell you are not racist, so thats good enough to me. And just wanna say that the riots and lootings are sad to see.
  8. About the man´s death, I think its pretty simple, maybe he had health complications, but, if a knee wouldnt been under his neck, he would died about those complications ? Its easy, he died because the police put his knee over his neck. About the riots. Its hard to say it, but... sometimes if you dont make chaos, you just are not heard. I mean, damn those people have reason to make all that chaos. But its sad, because Im sure innocent and good people could been looted, small shops and etc. Remember some they just want to loot, they are not there protesting, they are just tacking their opportunity. "race war", Im not sure about that, if whites start to indiscriminately attack blacks, and blacks start doing the same, thats race war. But... I dont think thats what happening there, I think some people are looting, and some other blacks dont want to start a race war, they want racism stop. Blacks have been living a race war since long time in US. - "So, now on top of being told that as a white person, I should feel guilty, I can look forward to being told that as an American, I should feel like a disappointment" I dont think you have to feel dissapointment or shameful or whatever because what other people tells you how you should feel. I mean, al what other people says shouldnt affect you ! If someone says to me "ohhh, you should this or that...", and I dont share their opinion, to me is like wind in the air, its just words of other person, saying things I dont care. I mean, dont let what other people says gets to your nerves.
  9. mmd


    Maybe learn an instrument ? I say this because I play. When you play you really have a good time, and you can spend hours doing it, it really helps me to distract. But if you dont have any musical background I understand would be hard to start from 0. Lot of times I heard people saying they want something to distract, and I always think how good would be if they could enjoy playing an instrument, is instant joyful, just sit, and spend long time playing. But I understand its not for everybody. Im really trying to think something to recommend you, but its hard, I dont want to be one of those people who just say: "hey, start painting, is great, you can explore your creativity !", maybe because I really dont like painting. I really would like to tell you to find people to talk. Talk is the best way to pass the time faster. But its so hard to find others to talk in internet. It would be so good to just go to a page and find good people to have a talk, but its not. I cant think anything really good or "out of the box" to recommend you. - Can you give us more clues to figure out things you could do to deal with this ?
  10. i dont. And it drives me crazy. Spend time, with no one to talk. Ive joined to every facebook depression group ive found, and every forum, I spend days, without no one to talk to. Sometimes at night, like now, I sit infront the computer and just cant believe I have no one to talk to. I just do things and try to think in other things to let this go away, and every now and then the feeling comes back, its unvelivable, i never thought I would end up like this, so much alone. Any here can relate ?
  11. Since a long time that I dont have people to talk to, no friends, and ive not met online friends either. I really would like to have someone to chat back and forth. I do things, and everything just doesnt go forther than my head. If any other is also looking for someone to chat, let me know.
  12. Ive never take medications, so I dont know how that works, maybe someone who took can tell you. Go to a psychologist (therapy) can help you. But I always say the same, dont think he can resolve your problems, lot of people get mad at their therapist, because they are not good therapist, and they end up getting more frustrated. Try to re-think your life. But its hard, life its hard, its not easy to get what you want, life can be bad, not want to make see things bad, just saying that its understandable if you feel bad. Sometimes, you going to need to cope, at bad times, try to feel good, find ways to feel ok. Its not an easy thing.
  13. So so. Before this pandemic I wasnt going out much, so, its a bit like the same, but sometimes I really want to go to a park but now i cant. Its ok-ish. But I feel like im shooting my brain off so i can go through the day, and I dont have much to keep really entertein in my house, and now I cant even buy anything, so... Im used to live this bad, so its a bit like the same. The worst thing is that I have my grandmother in a geriatric, she is not an easy person, so I know she is not having a great time there, also I dont trust in some of the carers from that place, so Im a bit upset, I try to dont think too much on this, because its a thing to really get mad. Dont have much people to talk, i cant understand it, I thought some people were going to be more interested about chat since all this pandemic thing, but no, I go to the computer and i spend time watching videos, cant believe it, with the posibility to reach people at any place in the world, im just watching videos.
  14. I know things are difficult. And the problem about dont fit, and all that. The best you can do is try to feel good with yourself. Find things you enjoy. And sometimes, you also can find people to spend a good time. I understand how grey and pointles you are seeing life right now, and its understandable. Try to see life more simple. Dont dont have to fill anyones´s expectations. Live life as you want, try to enjoy it.
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