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cvlt

Junior Member
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    27
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About cvlt

  • Rank
    Newbie

Contact Methods

  • Yahoo
    cvlt@yahoo.com

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    The Underworld
  • Interests
    There is not enough time in the day for all my interests, but here are some...

    • Movies - Fantasy, Sci-fi, Horror, Drama, Dark Comedy and Documentaries

    • Music - Metal (Thrash, Crossover, Black Metal, Doom), Industrial, Goth, Punk, Ambient, and especially INDUSTRIAL METAL

    • Video Games - Most things NINTENDO... Love Mario & Zelda... Indie Games are great too :)

    • Reading - Fantasy, Sci-Fi, some history

    • Food - I'm not that picky, but I do have a thing for Sushi. Also... Tea and Cookies have a special place in my heart!

    • Art - The more Surreal and Dark the better ;)

    • Skateboarding - 80s style is my favorite... No popsicles for me thank you!

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  1. cvlt

    Does it matter?

    Yes it DOES matter! I myself watched these forums for a while before working up the courage to join. We have all been so conditioned by all the stigma that surrounds our disease, that we often keep quiet and suffer in silence. It has been a tremendous help to correspond with others who have the same problems... It makes me feel less alone. Thank you everyone for being here for one another... It's no small thing and it does indeed matter.
  2. Hello BlueStarr, Your assumption is correct... I'm from a western country and she's South Asian. Her culture is a lot more conservative... However, I have a very hard time with how women are treated over there and I can't respect the abusive attitudes. As a human, I just feel it's inhumane... We both make compromises, but at times I make compromises I probably shouldn't have to... I wanted to change 'my' hairstyle recently, but she simply told me, "Do what you want, but I will find you ugly if you do so." Hearing this was VERY hard for me because I support her in what ever she wants to do in life... If she wants to change her entire wardrobe to fit in more here, I tell her to do it, but be proud of where you're from... If she wants to get a new hairstyle, I say yes... When she wants to loose weight I support her even thought I prefer plus-size women (I even go on diets with her). Most of the time, I feel like I can't be 'myself' because she won't like me or be attracted to me if I am... This adds to my depression and anxiety because I constantly worry if I'm going to do something to offend her. I use to have a strong sense of self, but I've lost that and any pride in myself I used to have. It hurts not being "me"... In any case, I appreciate your comments and thanks for listening.
  3. Hello Nae568, I can relate what you're going through... I had a few nervous breakdowns when I was younger... before I ever met my wife... However, she was aware of my anxiety and depression before marriage and thought of it as only a temporary or situational thing. I told her that it was permanent, but she didn't take that as a serious problem. It's caused major issues between us because she thinks it's not as bad as I say it is and that I'm not trying. It's an on-going battle... It sounds like your problems started 'after' you were married... Perhaps the heavy burden of your job burnt you out? Since you may not have always been depressed, maybe your husband thinks that you're not the same person he married? If he is comfortable talking about these issues with you, it might be a good idea to try talking with him... Let him know what you're going through and that you need his support to get through it. If he really cares about you, he will man-up and be there for you.
  4. Actually, not spending enough time together isn't the problem... We are around each other pretty much 24/7 and we both work from home. I take her out during the week to a movie, and we usually do something outside the house at least one day during the weekend. We go on vacation a few times a year too... I can't figure it out... most days I'm so distracted that I don't even get to put in 8 hours at work. Not sure what to do... I guess she's just needy?
  5. It sounds like you understand my position! I suppose I feel responsible to keep her company after she finishes work because all the sacrifices that she made for me... Unfortunately, she gets bored very easily and doesn't have any hobbies despite my encouragement to find one... When she gets bored, she gets in a really rotten, argumentative mood, and I don't like to argue. Part of these problems are cultural... Where she is from, women are not encouraged to have hobbies or a life outside of their family... They are groomed from day one to cook, clean and be good house wives... Women don't often go out alone where she's from... They are also not encouraged to drive, so although she does have friends, she's terrified to drive out to visit them. All of this is SO different than how I think... I have encouraged her to grow and become her own person, but she's very set in her ways. It may surprise you to hear that we spend almost all of our time together, so there isn't much of a reason for her to feel left out. On top of all of this, she will not go to a counselor because she doesn't like other people knowing her personal business. You are lucky in the sense that your wife has adapted to life here and is able to find things to stay busy that she enjoys...
  6. cvlt

    Just Jabbering

    It's the reverse for me... Therapy made things worse, now I'm going to try medication.
  7. cvlt

    What are you grateful for?

    I'm grateful for many things, but here are a few... • Shows and Movies that allow me to escape into alternate realities like Supernatural, Game of Thrones, Magicians... most of Guillermo del Toro's work like Pan's Labyrinth, Hellboy, Shape of Water, etc... • A nice cuppa Tea to help me relax :) • Super Heavy Industrial Metal to listen to when I need energy to get through the day. • My spouse for putting up with my anxiety and depression. • This very website that has shown me that there are so many others that suffer like I do, yet are compassionate enough to help by sharing their stories and advice.
  8. @AF2018 I care about my spouse a great deal and often feel horrible if she is disappointed. I know that some of this stems from the fact that she moved from another country and left all her friends and family just to be with me... I feel hugely responsible for her well-being since she made such a sacrifice. At the same time, you are right... she is a grown woman. While she is very aware of my anxiety & depression, she doesn't really understand it. But sometimes I am so down in the dumps, I just don't have the energy to keep her happy, and for this I feel an enormous sense of guilt. Thank you for your comments... they've really made me think...
  9. @asta I've never heard of DNA testing... I'll have to look into this...
  10. Hello Epictetus, That was very well said! It's kind of funny... But if Anxiety requires imagination, then I'm doomed because I have no shortage of that! But yeah... Feeling trapped might be part of it... You have the desire to make the other person happy, and really stress over the idea of letting them down. Sometimes you feel that no matter what you do, you're going to let them down... Damned if you do, and Damned if you don't. A third possibility might be to just ask the other person to work with you on a solution if they're open to it? And I completely understand what you mean by expectations... Your example of expecting polite drivers really hits home... I also stress over things like being in the shortest line... thought it was only me! We place so much importance on small things like that, but it's hard to get out of the habit. I will certainly watch the youtube video you suggested. Thank you, every little bit helps!
  11. @JD4010 There you go! Already a list of fun things to do... My grandfather really enjoyed building Hot Rods his entire life, so I think tinkering with old vehicles is a good idea ;)
  12. It recently dawned on me that Marriage could be a source of anxiety for me... I work from home and my spouse started working from home as well few years ago. I was use to a certain degree of solitude while I was working. My spouse is VERY efficient and often finishes work early... sometimes before noon. After work, she is left with nothing to do, and gets cabin fever. Most days I feel stressed because I know if I don't rush to finish my work fast, she will feel bored and lonely with nothing to do (I've tried to suggest hobbies, but it didn't work). I have fallen behind in work on numerous occasions because of this... I've always had Anxiety and Panic Attacks, but I think I've had more since being married. When I've tried bringing it up, she just gets all hurt and offended... Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly, but she just doesn't understand what I'm going through... Anyone else experience Anxiety because of their Marriage???
  13. @asta If you've tried almost all the Meds and only had side effects from 2 of them, then that's not too bad. And you're right... everyone is different, so the only way I'll figure out which ones work is to try them.
  14. Hey there JD410, I'm finding it's "never" too late to re-kindle your interest in the things you once loved. I know a guy in his mid 50's who started skateboarding again... While he may never be as good as he was as a teenager, he still pushes himself to his current limits... I'm very familiar with becoming an "automaton" as you mentioned... just going through the motions and doing just enough to survive... Not really feeling much of anything. The post above inspired me to make a list of all the things I used to enjoy doing, and perhaps you could do the same? I'm sure there is at least one thing that could re-ignite your passion... Give it a try and let me know what you come up with! ~cvlt
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