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9E4

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  1. It sounds like you are looking for a psychotherapist. If you need help finding one, you could ask your doctor for a referral. You also may be able to find one through your health insurance's provider list. If there is a lack of therapists in your area, you could try using an online counseling service.
  2. I wanted to warn you to not convince yourself that you will be fired. I made the mistake of impulsively quitting a job because I feared that I would be fired, and in hindsight, I probably would not have been. (I was concerned about those job applications that ask whether you have ever been fired.) Now, I am unemployed. If your manager says you are doing fine, I think you probably are doing fine. Be careful not to try reading her mind. There is no indication that she plans to fire you.
  3. Depression and resume gaps make an awful cycle. If you have a resume gap due to depression, it is harder to get a job, while continuing to be unemployed contributes to depression. Hopefully we can somehow break this cycle.
  4. I sometimes feel that way when I am taking an antidepressant. I have found SSRI antidepressants to work decently well for relieving the mood symptoms of depression, but I have also found them to cause increased sleepiness. On one of these drugs, it is normal for me to spend 10-11 hours in bed each night/morning. With Celexa and Zoloft, the drowsiness was ridiculously severe; I could not really live my life. I am now on Prozac, and while there is still some drowsiness, it is manageable. On the other hand, before I was taking antidepressants, I would have a lot of mood-related fatigue. I would feel really low, and it would be difficult to push myself to do very basic tasks. I would not necessarily feel sleepy, but I would do things extremely slowly.
  5. I do as well. My depression makes getting a job very difficult. I have to convince people that they should hire me when I can barely convince myself that life is worth living! Because of my lack of motivation, I have tended to end up with very low-level jobs in poor working environments, which when coupled with my fragile mental health lead me to quit. I am currently unemployed and am pushing myself to find a better job. Fortunately, I have been receiving a lot of support from those close to me.
  6. I can tell that you care a lot about your daughter, which is admirable. I am not a dentist, but I highly doubt that you ruined your daughter's life, and I am certain that your daughter is better off with you alive. I suggest consulting a dentist for your daughter and a therapist for yourself. I know that forgiving yourself for a mistake, even if you did not know better, can be extremely difficult, and a therapist could help you cope.
  7. I am speechless. It sounds more like your mother was evil than you were "weird."
  8. Expecting one person to work that much is unreasonable, whether or not they suffer from depression. You don't get nearly enough time to sleep, let alone accomplish the mundane tasks of daily living. It is also counterproductive because anyone would become exhausted and not work efficiently rather quickly. I can't help but wonder what job(s) are requiring you to work that much. It does not mean you are disabled if you cannot handle working that much; it simply means you are a human rather than a machine.
  9. HopeBoi, your post reminds me so much of my own experience with OCD. Unfortunately, OCD does not go away on its own, and I can say from experience that it can truly take over your life and disable you. Don't just keep struggling; seek treatment. Self-help books on OCD can help you get started, but I still strongly recommend seeing a therapist with OCD expertise. You can work through any embarrassment you may feel. I promise that the results are worth it.
  10. I am in a similar position in that I do not want children and am not looking for a relationship. I have seen multiple psychiatrists/psychologists/therapists, and not one has had any issue accepting that. None of them suggested that not wanting those things indicates a disorder. I suggest you find a different psychiatrist if possible. At least, try to not take what she said so personally. Her credentials do not actually give her the authority to decide whether or not you are a "normal person."
  11. I think that the key to protecting your privacy here is to not post personal information such as your full name, phone number, etc. that can be used to identify you.
  12. You and your doctor may want to consider increasing your Prozac dose to 60 mg before giving up on it. Prozac did not work very well for me until I was taking 60 mg each day.
  13. As is generally the case with OCD, you need to use exposure therapy. You need to just let yourself fully feel the anxiety about this dream. Think about how something bad will supposedly happen to you, and cope with the discomfort associated with this thought. No seeking reassurance from yourself or others that the dream is not important. Face your fear of bad fate. The anxiety will gradually decrease. Having experienced OCD myself, I know that this therapy takes time, but it works. OCD therapists and self-help books are helpful for guiding yourself through this therapy.
  14. I switched from Zoloft to Prozac earlier this year, and it took over six months for the Prozac to really work. I had started at 10 mg, and it was not until I had been on 60 mg for about three months that I felt it was working well. I also started taking an Omega 3 fish oil supplement, for whatever that's worth.
  15. Something that keeps me from excessively fearing death is realizing that I already was not alive for one eternity (before I was born). Being dead for another eternity seems like less of a big deal then. Maybe this way of thinking will help you too.
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