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CrazyEddie

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About CrazyEddie

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  1. CrazyEddie

    What are you Doing for Self-Care?

    I got a pair of cats last year. They're so funny when they wrestle. They also like to follow me around the house while pretending to be disinterested in me (but will immediately bolt after me if I go to another room). Its hilarious. I wish that they'd let me pick them up more often, but cats can be kind of stand-off-ish. //made it to the museum last night. Less than an hour of daytime napping, too
  2. CrazyEddie

    What are you Doing for Self-Care?

    I'm going to try to go to a meetup group every day, so long as I'm physically able to. Today, a group is going to a museum Tomorrow, and Wednesday, board games (I normally see my therapist on Wednesdays, but after I cancelled due to the weather forecast last week, he cancelled for two weeks in a row, so I don't have another session until the 6th...), Thursday, anime club Friday will be night hiking Saturday will be a movie //Lets see me miss every one because of being too tired
  3. CrazyEddie

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    I'll be starting TMS soon, but part of me feels like even if it works, my life is still going to be really rough... Aspergers, ideopathic hypersomnia, central sleep apnea (and CPAP intolerance), and there's no guarantee that the fatigue is caused by the depression. I'm also pretty unfulfilled socially and in the workplace (can't keep friends, never dated and am nearly 40, can't bring myself to care about my job, and even if my mood were better, my job is working on a product that just helps wealthy companies get more wealthy... not exactly something that inspires me). Plus I moved to Utah nearly a decade ago and have felt like a fish out of water the entire time... but I have no idea where else to go (my parents moved around a lot when I was a kid, so I don't even have anywhere to go back to). The plan, at least for now, is to move once this treatment is over. But who knows. I might decide that everything is fine. At least I hope so... I like the nature, I like the open space, I like the low cost of living. I also hate eating every meal alone, always coming home to an empty house, always waking up in an empty room, and feeling like no one would ever love me and that I'm going to die alone, and if I'm going to die alone, I'd rather it happen now. Or, really, 27 years ago... but it's too late for that. I've been depressed for thirty freaking years... when my parents moved and I couldn't find friends afterward. I never recovered, and things just got worse from there. Ok... things were worse in 2001 than they are now... but "not at their absolute worst" is a long way from "worth it"
  4. I had to pay for it by lying down for 4 hours when I got back to the house, but I got two hours of hiking in today.
  5. CrazyEddie

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    Looks like that brief window of better than average mood is gone. Fatigue is kicking me again. I just got up from having to lie down for over 4 hours due to fatigue. It's normal to spend 16 hours a day in bed... right? //Wake up tired. Feel tired all day. Have to like down during the day for hours. Feels like I'm fighting a battle to stay up past ****ing 9:00... and then I have to do it all over again. Plus side: I barely play video games any more Minus side: It's because I'm too tired to play video games and I'm in bed either listening to podcasts or watching videos ...And even with all this ****ing time lying down, I'm still averaging less than 8 hours of actual *sleep* because I wake up so early (yet can't get up until much, much later), and barely sleep at all during the fatigue-driven "naps"... maybe a few minutes at most is actually spent asleep
  6. I just got a letter from my insurance company stating that it was approved. We'll see how it works. Though I've been feeling somewhat better lately on my own. Not up to where I want to be (my overall thoughts still trend pretty negatively), but a big step up from my normal (suicidal ideation is less intense and frequent, though still there). My fatigue is still in force, so maybe (if I'm lucky) it'll help with that.
  7. CrazyEddie

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    Still feeling better than normal, though last night was kind of rough. My depression basically has three pillars: Headaches Loneliness Sleepiness/fatigue I'm doing what I can for all three, and have made some recent changes to work in each area. For the headaches, I started Propranolol about two weeks ago (which lines up with the start of my better-than-average mood), which seems to help reduce the headache. For the loneliness, I've gone and seen a professional cuddler (my therapist recommended this; I'm rather starved of human touch, and it did help quite a bit). I'm also trying to reach out to other people, though it's kind of rough when I had two different people agree to meet, then tell me after having me wait for 15+ minutes that they weren't coming... I hate the feeling that I'm being too "needy" by asking to hang out more than once every couple of months, and then when the meeting was supposed to happen, I get stood up... but I'm trying. I'm going to some meetup groups, too, despite my fatigue getting in the way. And as for that fatigue, I went off of using a mandibular advancement splint back in December (for sleep apnea). My doctor and I were unsure how much it was helping, so I he recommended that I go off of it for a while. I was sleepy/fatigued on it, but I noticed that my gym visits went down to almost nothing in the time that I was off of it. I've started going again since resuming use. I still crash a lot (I had to lie down for multiple hours for more than half the days this week) but I'm making *some* headway in terms of exercise (I've made it to the gym more times in the last two weeks than I did in the two months of not using the device). I've also been taking adderall, which keeps me from falling asleep at work (I've got excessive daytime sleepiness, in addition to the fatigue). No changes there, just part of my symptoms management. I also keep thinking about how I should move. If I were going to find a solid support network where I live, it would have happened by now. I'm mostly worried about the stress of a larger city and the cost of living in other areas. There's great scenery here, the city isn't too big, and I can afford a big house on the hill... I also haven't gone on a date in 5 years and only have a few friends who I barely ever hang out with and even then they flake on me. //Better mood does not mean that I don't have a long way to go...
  8. I do have some problems with anxiety, but it's pretty mild compared to my depression and Buspar handles most of it. The doctor told me that they could also work on it, but my priorities are the depression and the tinnitus. They might not have enough time to work on the anxiety much after working on those areas (as each problem requires treatment in a different area and a session is of limited duration)
  9. CrazyEddie

    Latuda For Sleep? And Not Bipolar?

    I was on Seroquel for a while. I did indeed sleep better while I was on it, though I also had sleepiness/fatigue on it, so I wasn't exactly more functional on it. As for Latuda, I recently went off of it (1 week so far). My sleep was worse after stopping it (several nights where it took me hours to get to sleep, whereas I normally fall asleep within minutes... I just wake up at 3-4 in the morning and can't get back to sleep) though that's been back to normal in the last couple of days. I even slept until nearly 7:00 today.
  10. I saw the doctor about TMS last week. He thinks that I'm a good candidate (and even said that they can work on my tinnitus during the sessions! A big contributor to my depression is poor sleep, and tinnitus contributes to that (in addition to being a PITA in general)) Now to see if insurance will approve it.
  11. I don't think that being *rich* makes it any better than being middle class (at which point you'll have the money for food/shelter/therapy/medication/etc) but if you're not even middle class, then not being able to afford basic needs surely would make things worse.
  12. CrazyEddie

    Has anyone been given Adderall?

    I have excessive daytime sleepiness and am on Adderall for that (15mg xr in the morning, 10mg in the afternoon). I've stopped falling asleep at my desk at work since I started, but I'm still fatigued and have to lie down in the afternoon, anyway... Though it's much less of a big deal since I'm alert during meetings and can rest during my break. I don't think that it's doing anything for the depression, though. It's *technically* off-label for me, since I'm diagnosed with ideopathic hypersomnia without narcolepsy (and Adderall is only approved for narcolepsy) so maybe I'm lucky that my psychiatrist is letting me take it at all. I had tried Provigil / Nuvigil in the past, but those gave me *horrible* headaches so I couldn't tolerate them (they did have effective wakefulness properties, though)
  13. CrazyEddie

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    Day 3 of being in a pretty good mood. I'm also on day 3 of a new headache medicine (and one week off of Latuda, following a short tapering process) I still got exhausted and had to lie down both yesterday and the day before for a good portion of the day, but the headache medicine seems to help a bit (still there but not as bad), and the headache is one of the largest contributors to my depression... I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. //Thank god going off the Latuda has been so easy... that stuff didn't do anything. //And I feel that if I don't write this down, I won't believe it later. I need proof that I had moments like this
  14. Memory loss is definitely a problem with ECT, but I cant find anything to suggest that it's a side effect of TMS.
  15. CrazyEddie

    What do you take for insomnia?

    I have the problem where I get to sleep quickly, but wake up far too early (like 2 or 3 o'clock) I'm taking Zaleplon when I wake up and it helps a bit.
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