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About CrazyEddie

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  1. It took a while, but the clinic is going to be starting round 2 of TMS on Monday. Things are going crazy in the world right now, so my insurance company has a big backlog, but the clinic will charge me as if it were approved, and will handle any necessary appeals on the backend. I also lost my job and will be moving in with my folks until lockdowns end, once this is completed. I’ve wanted to move for a long time, anyway, but this is what’s forcing my hand now. Once things started getting really bad, the original plan was to just stay put in my job, since it was a stable one and now was a bad time to look at switching, but that fell apart at the first sign of trouble, even though as a programmer, I can easily work from home.
  2. And the flip-side of it is... it wears off. I was feeling better for a good part of last year, but started feeling worse in the fall, and it’s progressed until now. I’m currently dealing with insurance to get it redone, but they rejected my initial claim. For the sleep apnea, I ended up settling on a Sonowave oral appliance. It brought my AHI level down to the 7 range (below 5 is normal) so the doctors consider it to be well-treated, though excessive daytime sleepiness persists. As for energy levels, I saw a doctor that thinks that it is chronic active Epstein-Barr. Blood tests showed high Nuclear Antigen Ab, IgG levels, and Ab VCA, IgG levels were beyond the 600 level, which was the highest value on their scale. Though paradoxically, EA Ab IgG levels are low. He gave me Valtrex, low-dose Naltrexone, and a ton of supplements, in addition to recommending more protein in my diet and to avoid sugar, and also to do whatever I can to minimize stress. He also wants me to do blood ozone treatments, which are expensive and not covered by insurance. I did them for two months, saw a slight improvement, then stopped because of the cost. I might resume them, even though they’re $200 each. My HSA is completely empty, so it’s all directly out-of-pocket, and my bank account isn’t looking too hot, either. My fatigue had me bedridden on Monday, so I need to find something that can help. My counselor also thinks that moving is a good idea, since I’m living in a particularly rough place for outsiders (Utah County) and the isolation that that brings is making things worse.
  3. 20 sessions in. Other people (such as friends and my therapist) have commented on how much better I seem, and I'm generally in a lot better mood, and it's easier to engage in conversation. The treatments thrmselves are still moderately unpleasant, but otherwise I have no side effects to report. This is vastly preferable to the side effects that I've had on meds (and unlike meds, I'm actually seeing improvements) Sleep / energy is still problematic, but insurance finally approved the in-lab sleep study, which I'll have this weekend. Hopefully they can find something to treat that.
  4. Another week in, and I think that I'm seeing some improvement. My mood is a fair bit better, though problems are still there. It's also giving some perspective on what's from the depression and what's from the sleep apnea/excessive daytime sleepiness. I'll definitely need to find a better way to manage the sleep issues (whether its the surgery or another attempt at CPAP is still up in the air)
  5. I'm a few sessions in, and have yet to see any difference. They're using about 15 minutes of slow pulses on the right side followed by about 5 minutes of fast pulses on the left. The slow pulses are pretty manageable, but the fast pulses are rather unpleasant, and make my jaw twitch a lot. It's not enough to make me want to stop, though. I also saw my sleep doctor today, and he said that he wants to do sleep apnea surgery with an implant to help keep obstructions from occurring, but the AHI was slightly too low for insurance to cover it, though he says that the take home sleep study that I did has a tendency to under report that number. The current plan there is for him to negotiate an in-lab sleep study with my insurance. I'll probably have to get that taken care of, too, to really recover from this thing.
  6. I got a pair of cats last year. They're so funny when they wrestle. They also like to follow me around the house while pretending to be disinterested in me (but will immediately bolt after me if I go to another room). Its hilarious. I wish that they'd let me pick them up more often, but cats can be kind of stand-off-ish. //made it to the museum last night. Less than an hour of daytime napping, too
  7. I'm going to try to go to a meetup group every day, so long as I'm physically able to. Today, a group is going to a museum Tomorrow, and Wednesday, board games (I normally see my therapist on Wednesdays, but after I cancelled due to the weather forecast last week, he cancelled for two weeks in a row, so I don't have another session until the 6th...), Thursday, anime club Friday will be night hiking Saturday will be a movie //Lets see me miss every one because of being too tired
  8. I'll be starting TMS soon, but part of me feels like even if it works, my life is still going to be really rough... Aspergers, ideopathic hypersomnia, central sleep apnea (and CPAP intolerance), and there's no guarantee that the fatigue is caused by the depression. I'm also pretty unfulfilled socially and in the workplace (can't keep friends, never dated and am nearly 40, can't bring myself to care about my job, and even if my mood were better, my job is working on a product that just helps wealthy companies get more wealthy... not exactly something that inspires me). Plus I moved to Utah nearly a decade ago and have felt like a fish out of water the entire time... but I have no idea where else to go (my parents moved around a lot when I was a kid, so I don't even have anywhere to go back to). The plan, at least for now, is to move once this treatment is over. But who knows. I might decide that everything is fine. At least I hope so... I like the nature, I like the open space, I like the low cost of living. I also hate eating every meal alone, always coming home to an empty house, always waking up in an empty room, and feeling like no one would ever love me and that I'm going to die alone, and if I'm going to die alone, I'd rather it happen now. Or, really, 27 years ago... but it's too late for that. I've been depressed for thirty freaking years... when my parents moved and I couldn't find friends afterward. I never recovered, and things just got worse from there. Ok... things were worse in 2001 than they are now... but "not at their absolute worst" is a long way from "worth it"
  9. I had to pay for it by lying down for 4 hours when I got back to the house, but I got two hours of hiking in today.
  10. Looks like that brief window of better than average mood is gone. Fatigue is kicking me again. I just got up from having to lie down for over 4 hours due to fatigue. It's normal to spend 16 hours a day in bed... right? //Wake up tired. Feel tired all day. Have to like down during the day for hours. Feels like I'm fighting a battle to stay up past ****ing 9:00... and then I have to do it all over again. Plus side: I barely play video games any more Minus side: It's because I'm too tired to play video games and I'm in bed either listening to podcasts or watching videos ...And even with all this ****ing time lying down, I'm still averaging less than 8 hours of actual *sleep* because I wake up so early (yet can't get up until much, much later), and barely sleep at all during the fatigue-driven "naps"... maybe a few minutes at most is actually spent asleep
  11. I just got a letter from my insurance company stating that it was approved. We'll see how it works. Though I've been feeling somewhat better lately on my own. Not up to where I want to be (my overall thoughts still trend pretty negatively), but a big step up from my normal (suicidal ideation is less intense and frequent, though still there). My fatigue is still in force, so maybe (if I'm lucky) it'll help with that.
  12. Still feeling better than normal, though last night was kind of rough. My depression basically has three pillars: Headaches Loneliness Sleepiness/fatigue I'm doing what I can for all three, and have made some recent changes to work in each area. For the headaches, I started Propranolol about two weeks ago (which lines up with the start of my better-than-average mood), which seems to help reduce the headache. For the loneliness, I've gone and seen a professional cuddler (my therapist recommended this; I'm rather starved of human touch, and it did help quite a bit). I'm also trying to reach out to other people, though it's kind of rough when I had two different people agree to meet, then tell me after having me wait for 15+ minutes that they weren't coming... I hate the feeling that I'm being too "needy" by asking to hang out more than once every couple of months, and then when the meeting was supposed to happen, I get stood up... but I'm trying. I'm going to some meetup groups, too, despite my fatigue getting in the way. And as for that fatigue, I went off of using a mandibular advancement splint back in December (for sleep apnea). My doctor and I were unsure how much it was helping, so I he recommended that I go off of it for a while. I was sleepy/fatigued on it, but I noticed that my gym visits went down to almost nothing in the time that I was off of it. I've started going again since resuming use. I still crash a lot (I had to lie down for multiple hours for more than half the days this week) but I'm making *some* headway in terms of exercise (I've made it to the gym more times in the last two weeks than I did in the two months of not using the device). I've also been taking adderall, which keeps me from falling asleep at work (I've got excessive daytime sleepiness, in addition to the fatigue). No changes there, just part of my symptoms management. I also keep thinking about how I should move. If I were going to find a solid support network where I live, it would have happened by now. I'm mostly worried about the stress of a larger city and the cost of living in other areas. There's great scenery here, the city isn't too big, and I can afford a big house on the hill... I also haven't gone on a date in 5 years and only have a few friends who I barely ever hang out with and even then they flake on me. //Better mood does not mean that I don't have a long way to go...
  13. I do have some problems with anxiety, but it's pretty mild compared to my depression and Buspar handles most of it. The doctor told me that they could also work on it, but my priorities are the depression and the tinnitus. They might not have enough time to work on the anxiety much after working on those areas (as each problem requires treatment in a different area and a session is of limited duration)
  14. I was on Seroquel for a while. I did indeed sleep better while I was on it, though I also had sleepiness/fatigue on it, so I wasn't exactly more functional on it. As for Latuda, I recently went off of it (1 week so far). My sleep was worse after stopping it (several nights where it took me hours to get to sleep, whereas I normally fall asleep within minutes... I just wake up at 3-4 in the morning and can't get back to sleep) though that's been back to normal in the last couple of days. I even slept until nearly 7:00 today.
  15. I saw the doctor about TMS last week. He thinks that I'm a good candidate (and even said that they can work on my tinnitus during the sessions! A big contributor to my depression is poor sleep, and tinnitus contributes to that (in addition to being a PITA in general)) Now to see if insurance will approve it.
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