Liesel

Hi, TB, as I read this my heart sank for you. Oh I know the feeling all too well 😞 One of my major COs died November of 2017 and he was just 67. I still feel helpless over it. I know people we know in real life might not understand how much it can affect us but I certically understand and I’m sure many in this forum do too. You’re not alone. The comfort I take is in listening to his music and watching the shows he was in and letting him continue to live on through the entertainment he created for the world. That will always be here. In a sad way I’m glad I didn’t know him personally else I’d be utterly wrecked but my heart still hurts seeing the pain he went through towards the end of his life and knowing his life story. Ugh the struggle of being an extreme empath... But I really hope you continue to take comfort in the dreams if they continue.

Woah everything you said is basically me. I often think being an INFJ is part of what causes me to become unusually invested and extreme with whatever celebrity crush I have at the time. That’s so weird I recently discovered the word maladaptive daydreaming as I was looking up my symptoms and I’d be surprised if I haven’t had it since I was a child. I must have some type of disassociation. I wish I never discovered fanfiction because it’s my dream come true but I’ve lost sleep reading them because I enjoy being in the fantasy world of my crush too much. And I hit the goldmine if a fanfic happens to match up with my own scenarios I play out in my head. I too am naturally quiet but in school that was looked down upon because a large part of my grade was dependent on participation during class discussion. So I learned to “act” and I still sort of become a more talkative person with a lot of effort around people but it makes me need to recharge alone and that’s when I retreat to my fantasy world with my crush. So I totally get your struggle and thank you for sharing as well!

Ha! Wow what a story he has! The fact that he was “brought back” the year you were born is eerie! Yep, like my rockstar crush, he nearly died twice, once from overdose and became a person he didn’t like and had quite the temper but bless his heart he’s been sober for a long time now. I guess it is a good thing for our sakes that ideal version of them doesn’t exist 😂

Boy do I relate. Hi to everyone btw I joined this thread a year ago when I was deep in a CO and here I am again a year later with a new one and the funny thing is they both were big musicians in the 70s. That’s when they were my age so I fantasize about them from that time but I adore them as 60-70 year old men now but in a sweet, fuzzy way like I love seeing them with their families and my newest one I’m just so happy for and I adore him. Actually I’ll admit the one from last year has been deceased since 2017 but I discovered his music when he was young and fell for him anyway. Yeah I can’t even begin to work out the psychology on myself with this lol. My new celebrity crush of about two months is alive and well but I love going back in time on YouTube and watching his early performances when he was gorgeous and basically every video I can find of him, you know how it goes lol. Do you ever find yourself in social circles with people your age and all of a sudden the name or face of your CO springs to your mind and you feel a jolt in your heart like you’re living a double life that’s exciting and you can’t wait to return to that fantasy world that no one knows about involving your CO? I try to live in the moment as best I can but it’s really a challenge as an INFJ to just be present and not drift off in my head.

Thanks @decado, That’s a really admirable idea to limit yourself to two videos a day. I’m still in that “new phase” of my CO where everything he does is gold and I just want to look his beautiful self up all the time lol. However, I’ve done this enough to know there are limits to how much I want to find. If I dig too deep, I know there’s stuff I won’t want to read or see and that’s actually kept me from searching him more. I’m kind of in a good place just choosing to enjoy his music and watch his tv show. I have to seriously limit my spending on his merch though..that’s been my latest outlet. Oh my goodness! Enjoy your M&G and maybe prepare what you’re going to say beforehand even if it’s just one line you remember, unless you have no trouble with that. I met my all time biggest CO 12 years ago and I wasted my breath on saying stupid things to him lol. That’s good it’s motivating you to get healthier though. That’s definitely a benefit to a CO. Yeah I have to agree with you. My CO distracts me from things in my life I don’t want to think about which in some cases isn’t a bad thing at all. It’s making me not think about the guy I liked that I have to see all the time. But I have to work on staying focused on work and family and not my CO. You’re absolutely right. I don’t want it ever to cause me to become too reclusive. I’m naturally very introverted so even without a CO, I have to fight with myself to get out of my comfort zone. I did see friends today and later this week we’ll be hanging out so I felt pretty good about that. It’s when I’m home that it’s the hardest to complete tasks without distraction. And thanks for that offer. I extend the same to you if you ever want to DM me :) I really hope the M&G goes well! @HopelessRomantic2011That’s great you hung out with him! I know how good that can feel to get to that point. I think it’s important to not let your expectations go too high like you already said, but don’t lose hope before it’s begun. Ugh tell me about it. Those kind of mixed signals have made me become way more cautious not to jump to conclusions. And that’s a great mindset to be in with your CO :) I hope it continues that way for you.

Thank you @BlueStarr! Oh whew that’s good to know I’m not alone :) I’ve always been that way too. Even when I was 13 my CO was an actor in his 40s lol. I also just find older eras so fascinating and exciting to learn about how things were different and also the same back then as they are now. But man how I’m desperate for a time machine right about now. Never thought I’d envy my mom so much and how she got to witness his height of stardom. But it kills me she never went to his concerts since she wasn’t that big of a fan. I’m having to live through old videos and vinyl records. This ain’t an easy CO to have..

I just got through a rough obsession with someone I know personally and it sucked sooo bad because I thought he liked me and then BAM I overhear him talking about a girl he’s really into and now they’re going out. So I totally agree. It’s worse to have an obsession with someone in your real life in my opinion. But good for you for trying dating right now. You never know what may come of that. My best friend’s sister got married today and they met on a dating app lol. My CO is a 70s pop rock idol..yeah I’ve really done it to myself this time, cause I’m in my 20s with friends who are in their 20s.. yet I relate to my parents’ generation more than mine right now. It’s been 3 or 4 weeks now and I feel like I live a double life lol I’m sure some of you know what I’m talking about. It can get isolating, especially in this situation. I retreat further and further into researching him on YouTube and Pinterest when I can’t talk to others about it and I feel like an addict. But I want to associate him with positivity in my life so I’m trying my hardest not to let this impede my productivity. It can be so hard though. @Decado Yep in my case right now my CO is helping my social anxiety especially when I can escape into his songs and when I’m driving or working. But I agree it can go either way. Usually if it’s someone in my real life it causes stress beyond belief. Is that kind of how you feel? (PS I’m new here and love how understanding and non-judgmental you all are to each other. It made me feel safe to talk about this because I tend to feel weird about talking about it)