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moon09

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  1. I'm 25. I cannot remember any good memory with my mom. like there's that blank empty spot in my life. All I can remember from my childhood is that, Our mother would hit us, at first it was ok because it is part of our culture..corporal punishment. I remember I would run to my grandmas house crying. That is all. I was afraid of her. She's nice to other people though. I moved back to my parents after college, I had a job, I've been working since after I graduated from college. So I moved back and play the traditional role of the big sister helping my parents with some of the finance for some time. Today my mother blamed me for drinking up all the coffee (breakfast, dinner, midnight..really mom?). She saw me drinking "Milo" and started accusing me the moment she arrived home. tried to tell her I don't drink all the coffee, i really snapped because for the past months that I have been here , she blames me for everything and never sees anything good about me. I really try hard to talk to her like an adult, but all she does is tell me to shut up. SHUT UP! I explain and tell her how it hurts to hear that from her. I kept going , and she got the broom and raised it against me...treating me like a kid . wow mom. WOW. i pushed her away because I was so angry and emotional like, What the hell are you doing mom ?!! I'm an adult can't you listen and talk to me in a formal manner?JUST FOR ONCE. and she hit me with the broom twice. She also threatened me that she'll throw boiling water at me if I don't stop. She would talk to me my siblings, my dad like we owe her our lives. She would dismiss intense situations saying " if you don't like my conditions, leave MY house!! ". She likes always being right, even uses our catholic faith to make everyone in the house feel bad about ones self. She would also use her job " as a teacher to defend herself and make herself more righteous. I am also a teacher myself, and I teach children with special need. One time my mom told me " you don't understand children in the regular school, because your students are dumb and kids who can't speak". That really hurt me professional wise and as her daughter. She would also bring up how my grandma secretly hates me and that i am one of the reasons she got sick(my grandma has diabetes, 93 and alive but had to bed ridden because of oxygen tubes), i dunno if its true, but hearing it hurt. Sometimes i'm starting to believe i am good for nothing. That everything is my fault. but a part of me doesn't want to believe ..so this internal conflict leaves me confused and in pain. I started distancing myself to people. I don't know what to do. I want to leave so bad. I thought being good in school, going to college, having a job would make my mom change. I guess NOT.
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