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Logan_Sims

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About Logan_Sims

  • Birthday 02/05/2003

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Ohio
  • Interests
    Gaming, Recording Videos for YouTube.

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    logan.sims98

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  1. I'm home schooled and I went to a testing site today. The connection they had to the testing server was so dysfunctional. I was one of the only people who made ANY progress alongside one other girl. So I have to go back tomorrow to finish my English test and a third day to do my Algebra test probably. And of course we have work to do when we get home from the test. So that's always fun. And it feels like all that I ever do is the same crap every single day. Then we have my adult cousin who looks at life as sooo great despite all it's bulls***. I told her how I feel. I feel like I don't get anywhere in life. I'll grow up and be p***** because of bills and the fact that it sucks as much if not more ass than school. Then she tells me it's my perspective that decides that. Well then I'm ****ED. If you ask me I was screwed from the start. Having a s***ty father who didn't give a **** while my Mom goes out and does all the work. Having a family who says that everything will be fine even though I know it's meaningless. I'm about to lose it and either cut myself or just run from everything. Whether I would die or not from running away I really wouldn't give a if I died. It's the same everyday. The same problems, same heartache, same anger, same annoyance, same EVERYTHING. If someone wants to call me crazy, go for it. I don't care.
  2. It's different for everyone. Not everyone can get emotional help. I'm not old enough to drive so I can't just go to see a friend or somewhere to relax. And I'm so tired of all the BS school throws at me. Because I have all the work to do. And I'm home schooled so my Mom threatens to throw me back into a public torture facility if I don't do well enough. And when it comes to teachers helping students not mine. He doesn't explain things in a way I understand. I fail and fail and fail again. At this point I'm already starting to give up on the algebra. I'm not going to use it. I'm going to make sure I don't need it often if at all. I don't see my family factoring polynomials in their jobs. So I'm not going to either. And therapy. My mother is always to busy to take me to therapy. She's always working while my deadbeat Dad sits at home doing nothing. There's only one car so even if wanted to take me, (Which I know he wouldn't) he couldn't. I could ask my aunt and uncle to take me, but they'd much rather put me in front of a pastor than an actual therapist. In the end it more or less just feels like me by myself against everything. Because the people that can help are too busy to help or won't do it correctly. So all I can do is help myself until I get my drivers license or grow up so I can end this ridiculous cycle by helping myself for the millionth time. Sorry this post may come off as aggressive. I'm just alone in this and it pi**es me off to no end because no one is just like me and can understand all my thoughts and feelings. It sucks. It's why I'm so close to being consumed by the depression.
  3. I do okay in every subject except for algebra. Sadly passing a test on the useless knowledge is required for me to graduate. Welp. I'm screwed. I suck. I'm hopeless and so is any chance of me graduating and or having even a decent life.I won't pass I'll just keep trying for something I'll never achieve. I'll still be irritable and yelling at people even though they did nothing wrong. I'll still be sad most of the time when I'm not angry at someone. At this point it feels like I'm fighting for nothing. And I'm tired of wasting my time. So I think I'm pretty close to just throwing in the towel with this algebra crap. And if my family wants to yell and get p***** that I did, then I'll just throw in life's towel too.
  4. Sadly no. I live in the country as of right now and I don't have any job opportunities where I'm at. Where I used to live there was a grocery store where I could've applied but that means moving back in with my parents meaning with my father. And if you've read what I have to say about my father, that's a no. So money making isn't going to happen sadly. -P.S. And even worse, chances are my Mother is going to force me to move back anyways. I can get that job maybe then, but I'd have to deal with my Dad's BS and have to rely on my Aunt and Uncle's van for transport. Which is unreliable since they've had 2 vans break down within the last year. So I really don't know. I'd hate to get fired because of the next van they have breakdown.
  5. I would like to do video game videos on my YouTube channel as a career. Reviews, Gameplay commentary. The editing is something I'm pretty good at. And of course creative freedom will be more common when I grow up. Other than that it seems kind of hopeless. If I go to college it will be for some kind of degree in film. If I can't make that work then I don't really have a future. Because what I want to do for a career is pretty much my only passion.
  6. Not so much. It's been that way for a while. Very rarely do I have an honest to god good day.
  7. It's fine. I don't blame you. It's hard not to laugh at something relatable.
  8. It's a possibility. But at this point I feel like I have it all.
  9. It seems the further I go the deeper into this dark abyss I go. The loneliness gets heavier no matter where I am. I could live on a true paradise and be amazed, but be right back to angry and sad within 5 minutes. When I'm around family I always feel alone. I usually put on a mask so they don't get angry with me like they usually do. All I really have in life to keep me from offing myself is my computer and the games I have on it. Most people tell me I'm ungrateful since I have a pretty good computer by gaming standards and a large family I can always be around. But it's those kinds of people who don't understand. They don't understand that I'm not normal like them. I suffer from depression and they don't see it like that. People most times see my depression as selfishness or me just not appreciating anything. To be honest I am thankful for what I have. After all, as I said, my PC is practically my life support. If I didn't have it I would have finished myself off to avoid going through everything any longer. The only times I would be really happy is when I would be around my girlfriend. But now I'm alone. Maybe I really am selfish. But I don't think I am. Because more or less I don't want to live for the most part. I hate school, and I know my YouTube career probably won't pan out, despite my experience with video editing and commentary. People think I'm just a whiny Biotch. and maybe they're right. I hate thinking like that. But it's probably true. I hate not having the companionship of a female partner. To most people they say I'm ridiculous or am asking for too much when I tell them that. I've kind of been on the edge of giving up for some time now. It's kind of a war between two parts of me. One that says I should call quits and the other that says to keep fighting. The former has certainly been winning. I'm just really tired of living like this. I don't want to do therapy since happy pills will just mess with my emotions and probably make me say some stupid or something. I think I just need to find someone new. That might help. But considering how I'm 15 and can't go anywhere that's going to be tough. I guess I'll figure out. Until next time everyone. -Logan S. *video removed: Bill Withers- ''Ain't No Sunshine''*
  10. I feel exactly as you do. I hate to admit it, but your brother is right. I feel that a lot of the friends I have lost it all my fault for speaking how I feel. They even told me how they were tired of hearing my depressed bulls***. It made me pretty sad when that happened. At this point I only have a couple good friends. Other than that I've been pretty much alone. When I'm depressed I usually either don't say that I'm depressed or I just lie. Because more often than not even my own family can't understand me and I feel that they kind of alienate me when I say how I feel. So I usually just refrain from speaking at all at this point unless I'm talking to my two friends. When I'm not talking to them I either talk to myself, or I'm like a mute. I hope that you were able to gather something from my point of view and that what you may gather will help guide you through your storm. -Logan S.
  11. @JustGiveMeBacon Hey! Nice to meet you! I feel that I used go through similar things as you do. Some days I feel great and some days I feel I would rather be dead. Lately it's been more the ladder more than the former. But it's just something people like you and I must deal with. But why go it alone? Welcome to the community! I'm glad to meet people like me! :D
  12. I know exactly how you feel. You may not believe it, but I have felt exactly as you do. At this point I'm sure I've been going through one of the things you mentioned. I've been more irritable lately. I've wanted to be left alone when it comes to family. My grandma will come out to check on me and I feel this kind of anger building up even though she is just coming to make sure I'm okay. It's not that I want to be angry. I just get angry. You aren't alone. So don't give up. I've wanted to on so many different occasions I've always seen myself as too much of a coward to end my life though. The more bad things that keep happening the more I want everything to end. I'm only 15 but I've had a lot of break ups. That led me to feeling unwanted and depressed. And family wise I'm not doing too great either. I have so much internal conflict that dealing with my family is more or less just suffering for me. The point is that you have to keep going. We all go through this crap and we all have to be here for one another. It's all that some of us can do. But for me I'd rather have online people to talk to than some therapist at this point. Talking to real people hasn't been easy for me since I don't feel safe around them unless they are close friends. Even then I feel kind of nervous. Again we're all here for you. Don't give up. There maybe 7 billion people in this world, but we are all unique and we all matter. You may not believe it, but all of our lives have value. Especially yours. Just keep on keeping on man. :D - Logan S.
  13. I am. Thank you. Granted, that changes a lot due to this awkward age I'm stuck at and just how depression kind of just follows me. But right now, yeah, I feel okay.
  14. Trust me guys are shy like that. He may not be interested, but that just means he's not the one. I hope everything goes well though. We're here for you! :)
  15. @Epictetus Thanks. I felt like this was the right thing to do. I will try to help people out when I can. I look forward to meeting people like me here. Because I thought about joining a forum like this, and I thought where else better to find people who suffered or currently suffer like me than on a depression forum? There's just been a lot of hurt and I was tired of not being understood. I'm sure that people will get it here.
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