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Bbqdad

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Everything posted by Bbqdad

  1. I know it snowed here and it zero degrees outside.
  2. Well my day started at 12:30am… read some tweets, reviewed an article i wrote for my bio, ate a muffin, drank some coffee, listened to Willie Nelson, Kidd Rock, Me. Now answering posts on DF. I have an interview on a music podcast today.so I need to be able to talk about my new book coming out in March 2022 and Music albums out. BUT I want to write and it is a hard one. Writing about the sexual abuse of a teen daughter and her rel with her father. It causes her depression and suicidal thoughts and cutting. It is a raw chapter but I don’t know if I have it in me YET. So I listen and read and get ready to be inspired.
  3. I understand even my own daughters don’t text me. Being manic and depressed at times drives people away
  4. Every time a young 25 year old girl approaches me and asked me for a light I should have run away and screamed, I should ask that this is got to be too good to be true. Then wonder what does a young girl see in an old fat moody musician that smokes weed? Is it the money? Yes sometimes it is the money. But I would like to think it is the mojo. The vibe and energy I give off and the wisdom. Daddy’s girl, you betcha I love ‘em! But sometimes like one time a Daddy’s girl stole my truck. So maybe from now on I should run and scream.
  5. And before that an online music jam session with a friend from Virginia and I live in Alaska. Technology is helping me not feel so distant.
  6. That is a great idea@getcandy.com sends some my way!
  7. I am the same way, when i am anxious I meditate using various in the moment techniques. What is an example of a meditation exercise that you do?
  8. This is a short story (250 words) that I wrote about a scary Halloween event that happened to me when my children were younger. ——- It was Halloween and the girls were excited to go trick or treating. Emily, 8 yo was a Gypsy and Casey, 5 yo was Snoopy. We had a cat named “Moonshine” that the kids adored. Before we could leave the house, “Moonshine” went missing. The girls were upset and wanted to go searching for the cat. I said I would go. After I came back, Emily was missing. She went looking for the damn cat. Three hours past. No Emily. My heart was pounding. There were costumes everywhere. No Emily. We lived close to the river. Many times Emily and I had gone there to fish. She named her first fish Toby. I feared she was river bound. I ran with all my speed towards the river. I was on the edge of panic as this was the last place to look. I didn’t want to believe that some “monster” or child molester could have snatched her. (I didn’t want to go there.) When I got to the river, I saw Emily walking along the edge holding Moonshine in her arms. I yelled, “Emily come home darling”. When I got to her, I picked her up and held her tight. I cried tears of joy and felt the panic leave my body. I felt relief. This was the scarest Halloween in my life and I fell down on the ground and thanked God that I had found my daughter, and yes even the damn cat.
  9. I feel sleepy, I haven’t slept in the past 3 or 4 days. I think that I was having some mania although it hasn’t been severe. Only just working on projects and going to work. Luckily I was able to work thru it and get 8 hours of sleep last night, but I am still waking up. lol. I am going to attend a writers online Halloween party. I had to submit a Halloween Story which was suppose to only be 250 words (short) and the winner gets a Kindle book and t-shirt. And I start on November 1st a one month long writing contest with the goal to write 50,000 words in 30 days. (Nanowrimo.org) So I am outlining and prepping for this. I’m not sure how many sleepless nights I will get doing this or if I can try and sleep and write 2500 words a day which is my goal. I am feeling excited about knowing that I will be transformed and learn a lot during the process. Is anyone else on here a writer?
  10. I live in a senior apartments building that has a secure door so no one can come inside and see that I am locked away in my little cave writing my heart out. But I’m going to be attending an online Halloween party for writers using Twitter spaces. (A way to have an audio voice group conference)
  11. I am glad to hear that you are doing well. Me, I finally got 8 hours of sleep, after staying up all night for the past 2 nights. I was afraid that I was going to trigger a manic episode or that I was in the mist of mania and that the beast was going to show itself. How do you feel about not moving?
  12. Yes, alcohol is like pouring gasoline on a fire when I am manic or depressed it is so bad. I don’t do it for 3 years now. Before I lost my job and was living in my truck because I was drinking all the time and blacking out.
  13. Congratulations! Another reason I stopped was because alcohol was like nitrous to mania and a lead weight to depression.it just made me sad or mad hatter.
  14. I remember having blackouts too. But I've been sober because my system on meds has a high tolerance to alcohol. I can't get a buzz.i never feel the happy drunk anymore. If I over drink I could still blackout but just stopped coz it wasn't fun anymore. Been sober 3 years years.
  15. You got that right. Mostly they talk. Propaganda. I don’t have a TV for 2 years now. I don’t watch news or subscribe to any media channels. I read. I read everyday and I write everyday. I just wrote a 3000 word piece called “How Willie Nelson Triggered My First Manic Episode” I will post a link on my About Section of Profile.
  16. (Up early) Did you notice how all cell phones and websites are connected to a network and they get their TIME from a central source. Who controls that source the what time is it function. Could the govt or some group actually be controlling the time on your cell phone? As far as survival mode, I get that I’m working hard now on writing so that later I wont have to be so dependent on social security. But sooner or later I will be on SSN and their time. I will be a puppet? When they can reset my alarm clock and wake me up anytime they want me to dance.
  17. Thanks for that @lindahurt it is a real blessing. I’m trying to retire in six months and my blog about finding relief from bipolar using music, meditation and meds is what I’m trying to use to make that a possibility. So the workstation and internet are key tools for that endeavor.
  18. Glad to see you here and I am really glad that you are doing well. Me too. I just got internet and a iPad from a supporter of the blog I write and it is fantastic. I don’t have to go to the senior center library to use a shared computer anymore I can actually blog and surf here at home in my apartment now. So I am humbled and blessed. is it a big move? Different town?
  19. i have a blog that i write a post everyday about using w-e-e-d to give relief to bipolar and ptsd. I was asked to write for another website yesterday and i made my first article about my story and new non-profit that seeks to give relief to bipolar people.
  20. because of my bipolar "disability", I got free internet from the govt today. I have been using a library computer, now I am waiting on a ipad/pro to show up this week. then i can chat in my pj's
  21. I can open a pickle jar with my bare hands.
  22. That is some serious social avoidance. Jump the fence. When I am at Walmart and see someone coming my way, I go down another aisle. I also fall in love too easily. The last one took my truck , and I was living in it. I was on the streets so I checked into the hospital. The police got my truck back. And now like you I will jump the fence if I see love coming my way.
  23. Happy Birthday @cherryapplez2020 I am glad you feel good today. take care
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