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Bbqdad

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Bbqdad last won the day on August 11

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About Bbqdad

  • Birthday 03/20/1960

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Alaska
  • Interests
    BBQ,camping, writing songs, tomato plants

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  1. Once during a very severe manic and psychotic episode, I woke up under a bush on the state capital grounds in austin, tx.I had been robbed and beaten because i was living on the street with $2700 lizard boots and two cell phones, a leather harley jacket, carhart jeans, and bikini underwear. Now I had no pants and no bikini just a tiny weenie. So I got up, and my t-shirt kinda was long enough to hide my nakedness. I walked 20 blocks to the soup kitchen where i knew they also had pants and shoes. yeppers peppers i was bare ass naked with no shoes in austin, tx walkinig down the street. I got to the soup kitchen and people were staring at me. i just smiled and held my head up tall. they gave me a pair of sweatpants and some tennis shoes that actually fit. AND I got to get some bread and soup.
  2. my sister has depression and maybe bipolar she said. but she has understood me, seen the worst in me. cleaned up after me. she loves me. i love her. we are equals.
  3. Yeah, I been getting extra free stuff that way for years. Self check out is the bomb.
  4. I am bipolar 1. When I am depressed I have no life or energy and no interests. I see no hope. When I am manic I am on top of the world. I am a conqueror. Everybody likes me. Under meds and stable I consider that I am a good father and a kind hearted person that cares for others. I like myself.
  5. CBD oil helps with calming my ptsd dreams. I have been good. Not manic not depression so meds are working at new dosage.
  6. Good to see you here. Sorry you are in so much pain.
  7. This is exactly how my dreams go. In one I am leaving a bar after performing at an open-mic. As I open my car door three youths ambush me. I tried to defend myself but a baseball bat to the head and I was lights out. I woke in a dark hospital room in colorado. it was 4:20AM they didn't put me in a room so late at night and left me in the ER room. I think they would have just thought i was drunk or on drugs. But the bloody wound to the head was the real reason. It took 57 stiches. This PTSD dream occurs over and over night after night. I try to run but I can't get away. THEN I learned to not run, but FLY. You can fly in these dreams. Give it a try. Just pretend like you are on a winged horse, or in my case my childhood pony named Smokey. It then turns into fun.
  8. Yes I started at 20mg and worked my way up to 200mg. I am bipolar1 my episodes are normally sky-high and 6 months. This last one triggered by my Daddies' birthday lasted 2 weeks and on an awesome creative high. It took me 3 years to find this dosage. During that time I had bipolar depression. I was down. I didn't BBQ and didn't feel like playing my guitar. But when this manic episode triggered I went to my pdoc and without an appointment I waited til someone cancelled and I got in to see her. Rita upped my dosage to 200mg right then and there. Then two weeks later the sleepless nights stopped and I was in a better place.
  9. I think right now I would like to go to St Louis to see my two daughters. It's been 2 years.
  10. it's time to get the RV and hit the road to nowhere land.
  11. You can't be responsible for kidney disease or a virus. Mental Illness is like that. chemical imbalances, trauma, etc. are the blame. You are not the blame. Especially depression is not something you can just think positive away. Be good to yourself. Do one thing today that is kind to yourself.
  12. Good morning to you. Sorry you are in pain
  13. I am proud of you for going to the doc during such a hard time. I’m glad the meds are helping.
  14. I'm with you on this. I hate my job. It causes me anxiety and sometimes I have to stay home as the panic attacks are so bad. Like today. I spent the day doing something that I really enjoy which is writing for my blog and posting on here. Any type of writing like poems, articles, songs makes me happy. Hopefully, my March 2022 I will be able to switch careers to freelance writing instead of the deadhead job I got now. Is there something that you really like to do (me writing) that you could turn into a career?
  15. It is ok to be afraid. I am afraid I won't have enough to retire in March 2022. That I will lose my job due to my illness which has caused me to miss work and I don't have anymore PTO built up. What is hard is to not stay under a rock and hide. Getting out, making new plans or goals, eating healthy, thinking healthy are all actions to take in spite of being afraid.
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