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About Bbqdad

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  • Birthday 03/20/1960

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    #bipolar420 music meditation meds

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  1. Life is hard. Period. Having a mental illness filters how we view life. If we are delusional then we perceive everything to be great, even though those around us know something out of kilter. That just me. But then I would be considered not normal. I stopped using the phrase not normal, because it assumes we are all judged by the same measure. I instead use the idea of acting natural for you. Meaning you choose the plumb line or measure. If you think standing on your head is your natural self then stand on your head. But for me I want to walk on my feet. We both are pursuing our natural proclivities. Am I broken, hell yes. But I wrote a song about it as we speak. "Cuz I'm broken since I went away from you!" I used music as my therapy. Yes, I am broken but I am dealing with it and accomplishing my goals so I am natural.
  2. I am currently being triggered into a mild manic state.(BIPOLAR ONE) In Alaska it is 24hrs of sunlight now. I am having trouble sleeping, staying up til 2am when natural time is 11:30pm. This causes many people to be energized but for me it goes beyond. I start angry dreams invade my head. (PTSD.) Some over spending on audio sound recording gear. I needed but I had the fever. My fear is that it will explode into psychosis and grandiose thoughts, and babbling. These would make it hard to focus at my job. I have been fired before I crashed and burned. i am still on my meds: risperidal (psychosis) 2mg, lamotragine (depression) 400mg my doctor is aware but says it is natural to have some episodes that are mild. Do what ever makes you sleep. I said I have wild shrub for this condition. She said see her next month or call if it continues to be without sleep.(PTSD) this causes deep sleep without dreaming. on the bright side I am incredibly creative right now, having written two new song lyrics and melody in last 5 days. so I hold my breath.
  3. Exactly, and don't forget the prison industries, the civil confiscation of funds from unprosecuted but suspicious of tomatoe transpotation.
  4. I got a new doctor this week and prescription for rispidone and lamotrigine. I told them how I medicate with wild shrub or tomato plants that don’t grow tomatoes. And they said they wished there was more research but that she supported it and to let her know the effects. Progress
  5. (Rock kinda vibe) “Cuz I’ve been broken Cuz I’ve been broken Cuz I’ve been broken Since I went away from you.”
  6. You own your own body and have the final say. So it makes sense to share info so a good decision can be made. Also, we have to get over stigma so we can converse. There are other places on web to celebrate herb culture or politics so that shouldn’t be here too polarizing. but talking about mental health symptoms and experience seems that this would be the place to do it.
  7. Me: Racing thoughts “slows it down” ptsd “no dreams deep sleep” depression “elevate mood” anxiety “calms” but I also take resperidal lamyctal and I cut out alcohol two years ago. These two moderate spikes in mood.
  8. Hang in there. I can relate to the “dreams” As for alcohol, it causes my mind to kick into psychosis. And that doesn’t stop after the booze is gone. I want to stay sane. Your reason may be different but I applaud your choices. ”angry dreams invade my head...bitter memories of things best unsaid”
  9. “She let me call her honey, spent all my money and left me home alone. cuz I got the pole jerkin blues”
  10. Where would you most like to be a bum?
  11. No sounds of Silence. No rest, no peace. Looking for some answers, Looking for release. No sounds of Silence. No rest, no peace. I need a change now, Looking to be free. Finish I need a change I need a change Looking for some answers. Looking for release. So Please, tell me How do I leave me? How do I leave me. ###
  12. Sophy, i am so sorry you are having a terrible time. I know you have been under a lot of pressure and lack of sleep is making it worse. For me lack of sleep can be a trigger and symptom of manic episodes. So I watch out. hope you get some rest soon. -bbqdad
  13. She is 27 and married. She works as a nurse and doing well. I saw her two years ago, and then I had a manic episode that hospitalized me and left me out of work. Not able to live independently for a while and unable to travel. Now, I have since been back to work and planning a summer trip.
  14. Thank you for the kind words. I feel this way sometimes and wanted others to know and perhaps relate to not being alone in our struggles..
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