Hopeful Heroine

I went to their show. The moment I saw their silhouettes on stage I felt an overwhelming burst of love for them. Literally, everything else was gone from my mind just a hyper focus on them remained. My unhealthy obsessions live and in person in front of me. I stopped breathing. Thank goodness for the deafening screams of the other fans bringing back my consciousness or I might of passed out. I had been doing really well weening myself off their social media and not watching videos but I knew I had just undid all that progress. My self preservation kicked in and I blocked them from everything. I have been going cold turkey for a while. It's been painful. My mood is noticeably worse. I wasn't strong enough the first time I tried to purge myself of this obsession I don't think I am strong enough now.

I love them. It's weird and embarrassing. I was doing okay slowly weening myself off their various social media sites. Recently, I started backsliding into old habits.Instagram is the enemy. It's helps seeing other with the same trouble but it's exhausting.

@random alice Thank you for your reply. You said something that made me really think. What do I want to do about my feelings? If I could honestly choose to feel nothing rather than everything I would choose nothing. I don't want talk medication don't ask. To answer you question I went 3 months give or take a few day without them. The hardest was when I was at work. I am an office worker and am at my computer all day. It's tedious and my options to occupy my time are limited. I work but in between tasks the thoughts crept in. Do you know how to keep the good without the bad? How do you do it? @nikki114 I just wanted to tell you I feel the same not that it helps it stop but it helps me feel less weird knowing I am not suffering alone.

Hello, First post it gives me anxiety thinking others might read this thank God for the anonymity of the Internet. Anyway I found these two internet celebrities I liked them because they were funny, cute, dorky, and had tons content. I thought I could just causally peruse their content so days turned into weeks then I was caught up on videos to the present and a year later here I am. At first I thought well I am just a fan but then I noticed my whole happiness depended on whether or not they posted videos, did live chats, updated their twitter, facebook, instagram and tumblr. A sense of euphoria hits when they update and just an hour ago missed a live chat I got so angry. I don't know them but I can't go a day without thing of them or checking their social media. Please I have been reading for a while don't say block them I have tried. I blocked them on everything. Didn't stop me from thinking about them and didn't stop my depression hitting a low it hasn't hit in years. It was worse than breaking up with someone I was in love with because I got over that person but this it was all consuming pain. I am aware I have issues...but obsession has never been one before so I unblocked them. Now I have this contempt mixed in with the admiration and love for them the causes this deep swallowing sadness because it's tainted also not good for me. I bought tickets to see their live show and each day that looms closer I am feel more dread. Dread they might see me, dread they don't live up to their online personas or worse they do.