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AustinWS

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  1. So where can I start? I'm feeling really depressed. So depressed that I can't take it anymore, and have decided to unleash my feelings here. Please read this entirely before you judge me. So it's 2018. I want to make a change in my life. I want to move out of the house, get a job, find someone special in my life, and be happy. However............ I can't. I'll tell you why I can't so get your popcorn, and please be ready to form an answer and some sort of advice once you are done reading, any help is appreciated. I am poor. I got no money. I put a down payment on this Iphone X I got with the little money I earned from a game called SecondLife. Now, I can't pay the bill the next few months because I probably won't be getting a job although I have had interviews, but guess what happened? I had a interview for Coca Cola, a warehouse associate/order builder, and was supposed to go to it a day ago. However, my negative aunt that I live with decided she wouldn't take me cause it was flooding in Lexington Kentucky. (Although everyone who has a job usually gets to their location rain, snow). This is just the problem with my life and where I live with my aunt, mom, and twin brother who I'm going to rant about. I can't it anymore. I have tried being positive, and said "no more bad thoughts, no more bad thoughts, it's 2018, going to be my year". My aunt is always so negative. Just always negative. I can't get my License, cause she'll say "you can't take that mustang to the DMV to get your License cause they don't allow Mustangs, the mufflers/exhausts". The Coca Cola job "It's flooding in Lexington KY, go look on the TV" making these excuses. I got a security officer job interview monday, and she's already started "Your hearing is bad blah blah blah" and I'm just sick of it guys. I'm always feeling put down, and let down by her, my mom, and my hateful twin brother. She smokes, she refuses to smoke outside, refuses to quit. (Yes I know, it's her home and not mine, and yes I'm aware I'm about to be 28, still live at home but please read before you judge). She is always such a downer, never confident, never motivating, or anything just like my mom who lives with us. How can I get to my job interview Monday if she will make a excuse? I don't really have the money, I wished I did, money is the root of all evil, unfortunately, I wasn't one of the chosen ones who has been fortunate to not have to ever worry about money. I don't talk to my extended family, I can at least applaud my older brother who has got a life, kids, wife, and his own houses and works. My mom basically hates me (yeah I'm the middle child). Prefers my evil twin brother who I'll rant about soon in a few words down below. Both, my mom and aunt never motivate us to do anything, never encourage us to be our best, never have anything to say to us, and treat us like kids. In fact they still refer to us as kids! Seriously. I know if I ever become lucky enough to find someone special, I will make sure my kid gets involved in sports, gets his license, and a job at around 18 or less. I will talk to my kid, or kids often about life, and tell them they can be whatever they want to be, and help them, maybe force them just a little to get a job (although I won't ever kick them out). My mom and aunt don't do any of this. Here I am, almost 28, no money, needing to pay off the phone I bought, needing a job, needing my license. I'm afraid for my future, and my life going ahead cause I really wanted this year to be different. My aunt, and mom don't work. They haven't worked for over 50 years probably now. (Lets just say a really long time). Their idea is I can go apply for SSI (sure they will force me to do that, make these stupid calls at the office and try to get me signed up when nothing is really wrong with me besides my hearing isn't great). Seriously. I'm not going to fake a disability like my evil twin brother. Yes, I got a evil twin brother who is the most hateful person I have ever known, and I been online for a long time now, but haven't seen anything as bad as this person who I don't want to call my brother and just wish I could move away from, far away. This is a guy who said once out loud at a dinner table about our dying dad who needed help putting on his clothes (this was a month before he died of kidney failure) that he should get a bullet in his head just cause he was yelling for help and stuff cause he couldn't help himself cause he was dying. This is the same man who refuses to help our paralyze uncle and always question "why don't you make Austin do it?" or the same man that locks his door when the nieces, nephew, and older brother/wife come over to visit. Just a very hateful person always putting me down, always trying to start fights with me when all I want to do is talk to him about stuff like league of legends a common interest we at least share, but he will always find a way to try to put me down cause he's the most hateful person I have ever seen. I wished we could just get a priest to come over and speak with him I really do. He's hateful. Fakes disability for SSI. Now going back to my mom, and aunt, and the whole job thing. Yeah I can't get a job cause my aunt will make an excuse. I wished I had money so I could just get away from this family. I want to start my own life, but how can I? How can I get to my next job interview? (Knowing my luck, I won't be hired, or something cause last one we went to a different location ). Seriously, I'm disappointed that I didn't go to the Coca-Cola interview even tho it's a warehouse job/order builder position for 13 dollars an hour about 40 minutes away. There is no jobs where I live. Please do a search on Stanton Kentucky and see for yourself the terrible statistics, cost of living here. Only about 3 in population, I bet gas stations in Nevada deserts are bigger than our city. So in reality, we have to apply to go at least 25 minutes away if not more to get a job. The problem is getting there. My aunt is always negative, will think of a reason not to take me because to be honest, my mom and aunt don't care if I or my evil sibling succeeds in life. They never inspired us, never sat us down to job talk or life talk. They just keep us as hermits inside all day long, and because of that I am not a social person and am quite a afraid sometimes of the public because I was raised so poorly and never got my social experience. My dad when he was alive NEVER talked to us, never gave us that father/son feel, or spent time with us. My uncle who lived with us who passed away was more of a dad, but even then. So practically, I'm F****d. No money, no clue how I can get to my job interview. I've been depressed for the last 2 years or more about not having a job, regretting and asking questions out loud to myself cause I have no one to talk to, no one to rant to, and have been scared of turning on my camera, and being judged just cause I'm not the best looking cat. You see people spending money watching overpaid athletes who don't care or realize they exist when the military is fighting for our country and gets paid less. The money is the root of all evil, but so is my twin sibling. Honestly, what can i do guys to fix my life? It's 2018, I wanted this to be my year, my time, and time to really start my life and do what I want and feel free. I'm depressed, I'm really really depressed cause of the money issue, job issue, thinking how I'm gonna pay the phone off, and stuff. Job interview coming up monday for a security officer position (now I'm questioning that cause it's been in my head that I'm just a ****** loser, that something will go wrong, and how can I even get there if my aunt decided to throw an excuse and think negative cause afterall she is so negative just like my mom who doesn't even like me really). I'm not a bad person. I just want my life to change for the better, but I think I need help, any help would be appreciated whether it's just a comment, or anything to make my day and make me feel a bit better and more special than what I already am, cause thoughts of suicide has came up, thoughts of just doing something and getting sent to prison that way I know I'll never be homeless has came up, and I don't want to be that guy. I never got in a fist fight, or been in trouble at school, even getting picked on here and there, I never thought of shooting up the school, but now I'm at a point in my life where I feel helpless, that there might not be a other solution. I got a number, it's a homeless shelter which i think grants you 90 days to stay, supposedly they help you get on track of employment and stuff (I'm not sure, and I think they might be filled up, haven't called, and even then, who would take me to the interview?). What can I do about Mondays interview? How can I get out of here? How can I earn some money to afford a Lyft driver or anyone to come take me to a interview. I need help. Sighs. (Hoping to stay positive, but I just can't anymore).
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