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AlexMCR

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  1. Hi, I’m Alex, I’m 15 years old and new to the site. In 2015, I was diagnosed with severe depression & bipolar disorder, despite this, friends and family failed to believe this and as a result my condition is ignored by loved ones and I am often times stigmatised & made fun of simply for having these conditions, only adding to the difficulty of dealing with them. I have had various experiences with drug & alcohol abuse over the past 3 years and as a result was kicked out of my school. With no one to turn to, I was extremely lost and just last night attempted to take my own life. I have lost a lot of friends due to the fact that concealing my emotions is not always easy and the narcotics I take only add to the strangeness of my behaviour. I planned to throw myself in front of a train, it was late at night and I live in a quiet suburb so I thought I would be undisturbed, however, no train came. I waited and waited, but nothing. I decided to go home and try one last time to seek some sort of guidance, and here I am. One thing that I thought last night, whilst I was sat, waiting for a train to fly past, is that the only reason I feel the way I do and take the drugs I take is because I do not have people to talk to. Coming back from the station, I had an idea, I would like to one day set up a forum or blog that could offer people like me someone to talk to, but first I need to understand depression from an outsiders perspective and to ensure that I’m not alone. It is not easy to talk about your emotions, especially to loved ones, but it is fundamental that we create a society in which people can understand mental health and support those suffering from it. For now though, I need that reinforcement and understanding on a personal level. I have never truly felt loved or understood, by friends or family and as a result have always felt isolated, this causes me to think and act in very irrational ways, like bursting out in tears in the middle of class, or resorting to drugs. Surely someone on this website can understand my feeling. This is the last chance I am giving myself before I finally commit suicide, even if only to make those who doubted my condition feel bad. this is not a cry for attention, it is a cry for help Alex
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