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Everything posted by lackluster

  1. Well the title says it all. Anyone else just want to sleep all day? I can't even sleep all day so I just end up laying in bed ruminating about things. I wish I could just sleep forever sometimes
  2. I am having trouble dealing with the urge to hurt myself. It's been about a week since I last hurt myself and I finally opened up and promised my best friend that I would stop. my family saw the marks on my arm and I lied about where they came from. I feel so ashamed. Which makes me wanna hurt myself even more. It's such a horrifying cycle for me. I'm just tired of letting down the people who are closest to me. I guess I just need to vent...
  3. If you were to see me in real life you would probably not even tell I have low esteem or depression. Many people that know me have told me how much of a positive person I am. I'm surprised at myself that I feel this way.
  4. I never said I was special. I don't want to feel like this. The only reason I'm on this forum is because I don't want to feel these emotions and this a place where I feel comfortable venting. Your post was kinda offensive to me. I understand where your coming from but understand im no way trying to feel like this. I can't wait till I don't anymore.
  5. Thanks for all the responses! For me low self esteem comes from my suicide attempt a few years ago, as well many other times when I almost died due to mixing drugs that I shouldn't of have. So for me it's hard to feel confident in myself. I have a lot of feeling of shame and guilt that is hard to deal with sometimes. I think that's what makes it hardest. Knowing that you would hurt your family and friends that you care about the most with the decisions made in the past and present.
  6. Anyone have any tips for trying to increase self esteem? It's really difficult especially when already feeling low and depressed. I want to improve but it's so frustrating.
  7. Thanks for the encouragement. I always try to put myself out there and I'll even go to bar alone just to see if I meet anyone, which is never . I guess I need to take care of myself more if I'm ever gonna be in a relationship.
  8. Thanks everyone. I wish I had the confidence to put myself out there but it's so difficult with depression. My self esteem is completely
  9. Does anyone else that's never had a relationship feel like you gonna be alone forever? Besides a couple random hook ups I've never had a gf. My whole life I've always wanted someone to connect with and have a intimate relationship with. But honestly it's so hard to put myself out there when I feel so low on the inside. Anyone else feel this way?
  10. I'm tired of feeling so low all the time. I don't know... the loneliness hurts a lot. Also been having thoughts of hurting myself. Today is not a good day for me.
  11. Does anyone go to sleep in the clothes they have worn all day? Like for example i was wearing jeans,button up shirt that I've worn all day at work and just don't even bother to change into anything more comfortable before i go to sleep. Its kinda funny actually
  12. One of my best friends saw one of my scars from burning myself and I lied about it cause I didn't have the courage to talk about it. I feel so weak. Does anyone else feel bad about making up excusing for self harm scars?
  13. I totally relate to you. Some days when I wake up I have no interest in doing anything because I feel so low. I also don't make very much money so bills/rent is always a stressful thing. Have you ever felt like your living for the sake of your family and friends rather than having interest in life personally? I tend to feel like that a lot. But I just try to focus on my work/hobbies to keep me going.
  14. I tend to hurt myself in various ways when I'm really low too. Mostly substance abuse, but recent I did my first physical self harm and I feel so guilty. It's this weird way of substituting one pain for another, but in the end makes me feel even more ashamed.
  15. I feel the same way. I've never had a gf in my whole life. I've dated a couple but none have ever worked out. I guess women can sense the despondency in me. Plus it's really hard to keep up communicating too. Sometimes i genuinely believe that I will be single forever so I'm with you on that.
  16. Thank you. Yea I'm just frustrated at myself. I can't seem to feel like I can forgive myself for past attempts and just so many times I d hurt myself in the past. And recently been been hurting myself physically which I've never done in the past, so I'm just worried about myself. My self esteem is really not to good right now
  17. I hate this feeling. You know that feeling when no matter what you do, no matter how much you drink/self medicate that low feeling is still there? I hurt myself again too... i just need to vent I guess :/
  18. I also struggle with my self confidence. It also makes me more socially anxious so I tend to drink a lot, which I don't recommend :/ im right there with you on the concentration problems too. I've been feeling pretty low lately and it's hard enough trying to get thru the day without wanting to sleep it away. I guess my only tip is to try to focus on the moment, which is hard enough. I hope you feel better
  19. Yea I struggle with social anxiety too. What's hard for me is I also struggle with stuttering/stammering too so it's kind of awkward sometimes when you first meet someone and you can barely say your own name. I think low self esteem is a big contributor to social anxiety. At least it has been for me
  20. Anyone have any tips with dealing with loneliness? Like the kind when you can be around fam and close friends and feel so lonely. It's weird that loneliness has a distinct feeling.
  21. Yea I've been wanting to try therapy soon. Just broke and don't have any health insurance. I'm glad a have really close friend I talk to about it but I don't wanna overwhelm them with my problems cause I know everyone has there on battles. So I therapist would be nice in the near future.
  22. You describe my feeling exactly most mornings. If have alcohol I will drink as soon as I wake up. If I don't have alcohol I will just crave it until I get some ( like have pretty anxiety too). It's a s***ty cycle and I have been stuggljng with it for at least 4 to 5 years so I'm with ya. I'm 25 by the way too
  23. I actually have been feeling better since Monday, still feel down but overall better mood. I kinda feel really trapped cause I still have trouble talking about my depression with people. It's hard to talk about something that I don't understand ya know. My mom came in the kitchen today and saw the wound and asked how I got it... and I couldn't bring myself to admit it to her so I lied I said it's an accident while lighting a cigarette. i need to build the courage to open up more. Whats wierd to me is this was the first time I've ever did any sort of physical self harm. I struggled with really bad substance abuse and have hurt my body that way, but never physical self harm. I hope that's not a sign that I'm getting worse...
  24. I hurt myself today and feel so ashamed. I ended up burning myself on my arm with a lighter... i feel so low right now. I guess I just needed a distraction from mental pain. I feel like a loser right now... i feel like I can never forgive myself
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