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Crimson_Wings

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Everything posted by Crimson_Wings

  1. Unexpectedly I came to know that long ago I had a very positive impact on the life of another person and I can't deny that made me a little happier, she wasn't the first to have said to me and all in all it's a very small thing in the big picture but I don't know, having done something for these people in the past somehow makes me feel that my life isn't/wasn't 100% pointless, maybe just 98.5% right now haha. I think I want to try and make that a 98% now somehow, if there's time at least.
  2. I cannot comment on any forum drama or the like because I do not frequent this forum. However we human beings are inherently selfish, we are born that way, it's encoded into our biology and only through developing a great deal of maturity and wisdom can a person easily look beyond their own (lack) of welfare and appreciate other's without envy nor pettiness coming into play. And to be rather harsh, if anyone is here participating on this forum that's a likely indicator of very difficult life circumstances that are probably not very conductive to developing that level of wisdom or maturity, so those types of reactions are to be expected somewhat. Beyond that, yes it's fairly cliche but you're essentially right, inaction and passivity are the death of the human spirit. There are too many factors outside our control so maybe even trying our hardest may not solve anything but once we completely stop trying something, no matter how pointless or insignificant in practice, then at that point we may as well all ready be dead because passion, any passion, is what fuels life.
  3. This sounds like a very complex issue and it's hard to say much without knowing the situation in detail. But superficially at least it sounds to me like you have you have significant abandonment issues and because of this your mind gives a disproportionate amount of importance to people that reject or abandon you in any way, since that possibly triggers that insecurity in you and ironically may harm any actual relationships you may have since you focus so much on those that are gone than on those that may be there at any given time. I think many of us wish that there was an easy way to form fail proof relationships that we could be 100% sure that they're reliable forever, but that's just not how people work, so if too much of your self worth and esteem is based upon others then it becomes dangerous because when people leave or move on they take away a significant part of that with them and you're left struggling. So then the possible solution would be to build yourself up more, to feel more content and satisfied independent of the actions of others. Of course that is a lot easier said than done in practice.
  4. Well we only get one side of the story so anything anyone here can see you will have to take with a grain of salt. That being said, if what you're telling us is essentially the whole story then I'm sorry to tell you but there's nothing to salvage here, regardless of the reason this man has clearly shown through his actions that he doesn't love you and not even respect you. If he does indeed suffer from depression well I can certainly say that depression doesn't cause infidelity, it may obviously really hurt a relationship but in no way does it excuse the likely deception and cheating happening here. A seriously depressed may choose to push others away, but it's not a free card to get away with such unethical behavior. In fact we can't even really know for sure if there's actual depression at play here, because wanting to be isolated is a very common symptom of depression but a person going through that won't usually be at the very least flirting with some other woman. There's a real possibility he simply grew tired of the relationship and instead of taking the mature way and just saying it so, that he's faking all of this as an excuse and to save face, I can't say for sure but it could be. And I know it's hard to comprehend, how can somebody just go from feeling like their your other half to almost complete strangers? it feels so wrong and like all the air has been take out of you. But that's the sad reality of life we have to face, that human emotions are mostly incredibly shallow and often short lasting and that if you want something more permanent it has to be based far less on passion or strong feelings and more on mutual respect, appreciation and empathy. And sad to say, a man that has probably been lying through his teeth and cheating on you probably doesn't have much of any that for you. We never really get to know people, it just doesn't happen no matter how many decades a couple have been together, the human mind is far too fickle and arbitrary and people can drastically change for no real meaningful reason. It feels to me that you so desperately want to go back to that better past that you're blinding yourself to the current reality of what's happenings because you're so emotionally invested and strong emotions almost always overcome reason. But I think living in that denial will only extend this hurtful time for you. And if that's the case then there's no easy or painless solution for you, heartbreak like that is just terrible and it feels like your world has ended because who was the center of your emotional life has suddenly abandoned you for reasons you can't understand. But the truth is that your world hasn't ended and you will bounce back, even if right now it seems impossible. Try to focus on your work, or your studies if that's what you do, hang out with your friends or try to make new ones if you don't have many, find new activities, go to the movies even if it's just you alone, go volunteer somewhere, literally anything will be better than to sit around dwelling in your pain, that will eventually pass I assure you, but you can help yourself by making the process quicker. And try to take it as a life lesson, you should never put all or even most of your eggs on the same basket because humans are very unreliable things. Sure, it's great to be madly in love, but that often passes one way or the other and if you don't have more in your life then you're eventually left in this terrible position. Or at least that's my point of view as a random stranger with no real insight into the situation besides what you wrote.
  5. I would call what you're describing as a sort of "cultural religion". Religion as it's core is a mechanism for people to find emotional satisfaction and support by adhering to what are otherwise completely irrational beliefs in the super natural. What you're proposing seems more or less like religion but being self aware about it's own nature. I think it doesn't even necessarily have to involve something like the idea of a god, just your own personal set of beliefs, ideals, customs and symbols that represent what you wish the world to be. I personally engage in something a little bit like that, my outlook on life is marked by certain notions, values and symbols to represent them that I use to comfort and give myself a sense of purpose, while still being completely aware that they hold no real power, value, truth or universality to them. The question for you then must be, can a lie still hold power for you even if you're fully aware that it's a lie?
  6. I wish there was something anyone could say that would be actually helpful but sadly I doubt that's even possible. Life just has these really tragic situations and I can't even begin to imagine the helplessness from feeling like you're losing someone loved to that dark void. Obviously none of us here know your husband so it's kind of pointless to speculate about his condition, maybe this is just a temporary fallout brought about by some temporary factor, maybe it's the inevitable progression of a chronic illness, maybe there's a possible cure, maybe he's too deep in it by now. There's no real way to know. The only vaguely helpful thing that comes to mind is saying that (and I can't imagine how insanely painful it must be to read something like this) I think it's wise to start preparing for the worst, for your own sake and that of your children. Reach out to anyone that's close, even preemptively seek therapy. There's a very real chance you may have to deal with an extremely emotionally traumatic situation depending on the choices your husband makes and how his condition evolves, you've been a first hand witness of how devastating mental issues can be so I think you need to do everything you can to shield yourself as much as possible. If there's one thing I've learned in life, is that life always has to go on some way or the other no matter what horrible things may happen to us along the way.
  7. Well, her reaction doesn't seem very healthy everything considered. Does she have her own mental issues or is she just really attached to you? if it's the former then it may be a problem for her, if it's the later then time solves everything. And in the end I think honesty is always the best policy and if you weren't feeling the right things for her anymore then it was best to end it sooner than later. As long as you weren't overly harsh towards her (and seeing that you seem to care about her I doubt that was the case) then you really didn't do anything wrong. These things just happen and suck for everyone involved.
  8. I mean, I understand things are never that simple but unless I'm misunderstanding here you already know he has been cheating on you, I think that that alone more than says he doesn't care about you, and everything else you say afterwards just seems to reinforce that. I can imagine that as a mother you feel responsibility towards your children and in somehow trying to keep your marriage working but I that that takes two to make it happen and from what you say I don't think your husband has much if any interest at all in that. If at all practical or possible I think the best you could do is divorce him, try to move back with your family, find a job and start a new life. Of course saying that is super easy but doing so must be insanely hard and scary, but if the picture you're describing for us is accurate then you're just stuck with a man that doesn't seem to care for or respect you.
  9. I mean your assessment may be true or it may not be. Anxiety, depression and similar issues certainly wrap our perspective of who we are. But I think at the end of the day there's very little point in comparing yourself to others, we all each face a very different set of difficulties and challenges and can't all be expected to achieve the same things at the same rate, all we can really do is try our best. Of course that's very easy to easy and really damn hard to do, but what's the alternative really? I say to try and play to your strengths and try to improve the small things. I can tell you right now that overall I'm probably more of a "loser" than you are but I've also had some relative success in some areas of life simply because I do just that, play to my strengths.
  10. I think it's important to remember, even if it can be a bit unnerving to think about, that our entire personalities and identities are in big part just the result of our biological make up. You most likely feel the way you have always felt because some biological process in some part of your brain doesn't work the way it does for most other people. On one hand it is kind of sad to think that we're just that, on the other it also means that there's always a chance that there will be some treatment that will truly work. Of course depression and similar illnesses take away a lot of our control over our own emotions so I don't think there's anything anyone can say that will make you think of the future with blind optimism. But at least on an intellectual level I think it's helpful to always remind yourself that these emotions and these perspective are not inseparable from you and that it's possible for a different version of you to exist, one that would feel differently about life.
  11. While I think it's admirable to be so willing to try and help someone going through such an insidious illness I also have to say that great intentions can at times also be a bit counter productive. This is something I have seen happen many to others and even to myself; you suffer from serious depression, someone really nice comes into your life, they're really eager to help but eventually they come to understand that there's often very little they can do actually help reach a cure, they therefore become frustrated, the relationship becomes a drag and they eventually leave leaving both people worse off than at the start. I'm not saying this will happen in your case but it is a risk. What I would say is that having a solid, supportive and long term presence in life can really make things easier for someone with depression but never expect that it will be some sort of magical cure and never tire yourself from trying to hard to solve something you really can't. In my view the best you can do is always try to be there for him, talk about what's on his mind even if you have discussed the same issues many times and always encourage him to keep seeking help or some solution but never allow his depression to become your life.
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