My name is Dorian and I am new to this forum. I am not sure if I am posting in the right spot so please forgive me and move it if need be.
I am personally not suffering from Depression but I have a girlfriend that is. I am living overseas in Asia and met a Asian Girl online. We took it slow and I went on a few mini vacations with her the first couple of years. The third year we decided to try living with each other. She wanted to move to my city and get a job and we would start a life together.
She had told me in the past that she suffered from depressions and sometimes on the phone she would get in these odd moods where she was extremely negative but on vacations with her I never saw any signs, she was always smiling, happy , friendly. I dismissed her bad days as just missing me, or perhaps over thinking things. I also knew she was not as well off as me and thought if she did have issues I could take her to better doctors here and see if we could find any problems.
Well it has been two months now and it has been very hard. She has absolutely no energy most of the time so she won't work. She is on a number of pills that she takes for depression and sleep. She constantly is stressed out and can't stop thinking. She thinks about what people think of her, she thinks about what her family thinks, she thinks about her son, she thinks about what people on facebook say, she gets stressed about everything. Even the neighbor that sometimes plays music just a little loud. She also faints a lot and constantly portrays a negative aura around her. There are times when she breaks out of this and she is wonderful Smiles, sweet, wants to go out and do things but as the weeks went on this is become more rare.
I have taken her to several doctors in my city. At first the doctor was sure that it was a thyroid hormone issue but after an MRI and many many many tests they can't find anything wrong with her I have spent a lot of money trying to figure it out but we have had no success at all. We are seeing a new psychiatrist that has given her more pills for depression and sleep, we actually went through three different types, the first made her so sick I had to take her to the hospital emergency room.
She in my opinion is totally addicted taking pills, she takes them for depression, sleep, headaches, stomachaches and so forth. I personally do not like seeing her take so much and she often takes more of the pills when she cant sleep or is depressed. I feel like she is two people. The girl I feel in love with and this other girl that is the total opposite. I want to help her but her negative energy is really starting to bring me down.
The plan was to have her move here. I would work, she would work and than we would do things during the week, like a normal couple and try to have one day a week where we would go out and do something extra fun. However, this is not the case at all. I work at home as I am a digital nomad and she lies on the sofa either sleeping or reading her phone. She is so negative about everything. She doesnt want to meet new people, she doesnt like crowds, she doesnt like other people. When she gets in her moods she is extremely mean to me. I do everything for her, drive her places, food, offer to do things fun, buy her things but those are only temporary fixes. When she gets in these moods nothing I can say makes her feel better. She only focuses on negative. She looks like the end of the world is coming and no matter what I do it seems I am the bad guy. Than when she breaks out of this depression usually only for a small amount of time. She is back to normal , sweet friendly and apologizes that she does this to me and that she is sick.
I don't know what to do. Her depression effects me quite a lot. I feel like I am a prisoner in my own home and anything i do will upset her. She gets upset when I go out, but if I invite her she just sits there depressed. She sends me this gut wrenching messages about how her life has no meaning, how no one sees her, how life would be better with out her and when she really gets in her moods she sends things like it would be better is I sleep forever, I should take all my pills to **** this pain.
I am at a point where I feel like she is dragging me into her depression but I feel guilty to let her go. I want to help her but I am at a loss on what to do. Doctors, Fun, Exercise, Drugs, nothing even comes close to working. How can I spend the rest of my life with someone that seems to hate life so much. I try so hard to be understanding and hold my feelings in as I do not want to upset her. But the constant negative attacks on me sometimes I snap and get mad myself and I am not that kind of person. I just bottle it all up. If I try to explain my feelings she just makes it all about her. For instance i mentioned it would be good for her to work again, it will keep your mind busy and it will give us space, that just turned around to become I do not want her beside me when i work and I dont care about her. I do not know to many husbands etc that have their wife sitting beside them for 8 hours a day while they work in a total depress state. Of course I do not want that.
In any case I have rambled on way to much, probably because I have so much swimming in my head and I do not know what to do. I feel obligated to help her but I am becoming extremely unhappy I guess you can say I am becoming depressed myself. However, I know why i am becoming depressed it is because I am locked in this negative world that she seems to be trapped in. Oh yes one of the most terrifying things for me is I feel like if I do break up with her she will do something bad to herself, she has often mentioned that if I let her go that she would not know how to go on, and with the messages about how she wants to sleep forever etc.. it makes me worried that she might take her own life. I am lost