I am heartbroken and saddened. I keep wanting to pretend that my partner still does really love me. After him getting angry and literally kicking me off the bed after hitting me I need to accept. He was angry because I woke him up because I couldn’t sleep because he’d come home with hickeys all over his neck. Not just one but four. Near his ears and on the side of his neck. When I confronted him. He looked straight at me in the eyes and said “ I don’t know how they got there. Maybe a demon put them there”. I suffer with audio hallucinations of hearing demons. So dropped it but then couldn’t let it go. I know I’ve had mental health issues but the hickeys were clearly visible. I don’t ask him for anything and he rarely does anything for me. He drives me on Sundays if I need to hit the store.. Monday after seeing his gf he took me to Denny’s I ordered a ten dollar meal because I didn’t want to spend his money... In fact I paid him all the money I had again because he yelled about how I never help after last month I paid him 1100.. He lied about seeing this woman again and claimed that all her information was lost again. I’m really depressed about it. He finally confessed that he’d seen her. And that it was because I was always telling him to go be with someone else. And that I need to accept it if I’m going to stay in his house. Essentially I have no place to go. My sister doesn’t want me there. My mother can’t have me there. My brother can’t have me at his place. So I’m homeless if I don’t stay. But I deal with being treated like trash. I’m called a ***** a **** and the B word. I’m hit or kicked. I’m told how he thought I was different when he got with me and I trapped him. I buy all my kids things and my daughters disibility goes on rent. He even claims my kids on his taxes and I don’t see a penny. I’m the one who buys everything they need including gas to my sons school and school clothes along with shoes. I’m the one giving 24hrs a day of attention to my kids. Every single day I’m there raising them alone. I don’t get anything from him besides told how I make his life miserable or I get to hear stories about how his days are. I feel like the lady from the color purple. I’m not treated as bad but I’m definitely made to feel ugly and verbally and physically abused. i don’t have anyone to talk to. If I go my life will be because I’ll have to support three babies on my own. I’d have to find an apt and work a job and collect child support. I can’t financially afford that. I’m treated so bad I thought my ex was bad but this is on a different level. My ex loves his wife but he had the same reserve about me. He told me kienan would have cheated regardless, and it’s not because he’s human it’s because of me. regardless I pushed him away and the consequences of my insecurities have led to him meeting someone else. I’m seven months pregnant so it’s painful for me because I’m going to give the baby a different last name. I won’t give him credit where it’s not due. My last kid was me trying to save my family but the joke is on me. There was nothing worth trying to save. I’m just pregnant and my relationship with my children’s dad is void and no longer existent. I feel so incredibly sick and stupid about it all. I’m trying not to feel so disgusted by it all but I truly was so stupid to think that a baby could have saved my relationship. He’s been to two doctors apts for this baby. If I have cravings it doesn’t matter. This month my money was low because I paid my mom for baby sitting. Then I had to pay gas which costs 50 a week. I also had to pay off my furniture and pay pgne. And I needed to pay my student health fees. i took care of all my essentials however I wasn’t able to buy new baby clothes. Nothing new. And I’m supposedly having a baby shower but my family I don’t talk to.. So I bought my baby some cute outfits. I shouldn’t be having another kid because I cannot buy him things. I shop at second hand stores for all my kids. I go window shopping all the time and pick out outfits that I’d love to see my kids wear. Like Easter outfits I would love to be able to blow money on them having pretty Easter clothes. Good shoes because my son has problems with walking. And he wears nothing but thrift clothes or hand me downs if his aunt is feeling like donating her sons clothes to us. I know he wants a transformer birthday theme but this year all I can do is a yellow theme bday for him. Bc I can only afford the dollar store decorations. My daughter is having a bday that my mom and sister will pay for. But they favor my daughter over my son.. I want to get my kids things and a better lifestyle. I put my son through preschool to try and give him a better start. I don’t want to be continuously depressed but I live in the ghetto my dream of opening a preschool will not happen because I’m in the ghetto.. I didn’t make an intelligent choice of choosing a man. I got with someone who doesn’t want me and keeps me sleeping on a floor because I don’t deserve an actual bed. Lol I literally have a mattress to sleep on and that’s it. I’m not being ungrateful but he’s gone six days a week until midnight. You’d think my kids would at least be able to shop at Ross and we’d have a bed?.