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  1. The moon gleaming high in the sky as I walked watching every move I make. I look down watching my feet, dodging rocks and stepping over fallen branches. Counting each step trying to distract myself from the long night behind me. The crisp wind, a reminder of the coming snow that would turn the trees into majestic creatures. Sound of water, faint under the wind, slightly soothing with its rhythmic pattern. My mind wonders as I spot a hole, hidden partially by a bush and the darkness of night. I would enjoy nothing more than to shrink to a size much smaller than my own. Crawling deep into the hole not caring to look for the horrors I might find. Searching desperately for the deepest corner, tucking my face away from the world under my arms with the tears starting to dry off my cheeks. Waiting anxiously for my senses and emotions to tame themselves as I drift off into the long and deep sleep of winter. I would dream of happy things, friends, siblings, the time I went to the ocean with the most important person in my life. I would smile, laugh and try to remember what it was to love life. As much as I try, as I reach around my shoulder smothering myself in a hug. I feel the bruises raising to the surface of my skin, remembering the words of pure hatred spewing from his mouth. My bare toes starting to throb from the cold, I curl up into a ball and try to ignore it. If only it was that simple, if only I didn’t have siblings that needed me, if only my father knew what love was. If only, I was not me…
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