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Everything posted by nikki114

  1. @cassis_creme: Welcome aboard! I've shipped quite a few couples in my day--fictional and real. A lot of the couples I like aren't even together anymore, but I wish they were.
  2. @Audrey822: I apologize. I didn't mean to hurt you. @HopelessRomantic2011: Same here.
  3. People love how certain celebrities make them feel. Or you love the image they portray, not the whole person. If you can, you find others ways to get into their psyches as much as you can. @HopelessRomantic2011: My experience with guys is really limited too. I was in love with someone in high school, but it was one-sided. Pretty much all my experiences with love, lust, infatuation etc. are one-sided. Or the guy likes me, but I don't like him back. Or he did like me, but I managed to screw it up somehow. Unintentionally, of course. I had a little something going on with a guy on-line, but then I just got scared and backed away. Only my best friend knew about that. I'm scared of men and of relationships. I've seen too many bad ones, and I'm kind of an independent person. I'm a very picky girl.
  4. Writing helps out a ton. You have a problem and you write about it. Diary, letter to someone, poem etc. Share it with your therapist or counselor. The only way to at least start the healing process is through writing and therapy. It was very hard to confess that secret. I thought about telling my brother and cousin, the two people I trust more than anyone in the world. I just couldn't because I was afraid of being judged. Afraid they would think less of me. Which is insane because they know things about me that no one else and they've never judged. I thought about telling my best friend, someone else I love and trust. But she and all my other friends are very, very busy doing other things. No room for me right now...... I nearly confessed to my therapist when I first began seeing her. It was very strained conversation. I guess because I didn't want to tell her or anyone really. Plus, I'm a fairly independent person and try to solve problems on my own. This was clearly a problem I cannot solve on my own. So yesterday, I told myself, "Screw it. I'll just tell her and see what happens." That conversation started off strained too. So I wrote everything down. Told about my CO and how he really reminds of my 'first love'. Who he was, what he does, how I came to 'know' him. Everything. Once it happened, I felt so much lighter. But she and I have been talking about getting a 'real man'. She thinks that it's the best way to get over this. I'm not so sure about that. I've been alone so long, I don't know if I can be with anyone long term. I'm used to being on my own, and I'm picky as hell. I've had non-famous I liked and wanted to know. But the feelings are rarely mutual.
  5. I confessed to my therapist today. I was so scared that she was going to judge me, but she didn't at all. As usual, I am my own worst critic, LOL. She was really nice and helpful. We talked about tips and things. Limiting exposure. Then she said "When are you gonna get a real man like we talked about?'". Typical. I'm glad I told her, though. I feel...tired right now. But relieved after I told her.
  6. You're reading my mind! I read one such blog of my CO and that led me to finally join this forum. I was so upset and felt so stupid after reading that particular tumblr.
  7. Yes! It's like once you start, you can't control yourself anymore. It's basically self-torture.
  8. Do certain fans online make you feel like a loser for your CO? For having different opinions about certain parts of his or her life?
  9. Does it ever get to the point where you're actually afraid to research your CO? Or is it just me?
  10. Weird question for you all. If you're a fan of a certain celebrity, does it mean you have to like everything and everyone in the person's life? In order to be a 'true fan'?
  11. That's one of my main issues with men. Whether it's a celebrity or a regular guy, I'm attracted to guys who are unattainable in some way. It sucks. I think that the main issue is my commitphobia. I want a relationship, then I don't. Because I want to keep being my own person.
  12. Hi all. I kinda relate to what everyone is saying here. I'm turning 34 this week. I have friends, but they're all too busy for me. Busy with their kids, busy getting boyfriends, spouses, promotions etc. And I'm not. I went to college for more than a decade, with nothing to show for it. I failed math repeatedly, no matter what I did. Plus, I can't afford to go back. I wish all those partial degrees would equal a whole one, you know. I actually feel lonely, which I never do. Seriously, I seldom feel that lonely. College isn't very appealing to me anymore, but I wish I could do something. I'm good at some things. I have a celebrity obsession I can't shake. Before I had other things to worry about, now I don't. The only people I really talk to in RL are my therapist, my cousin and brother. The latter two are annoyed with me. They never said this directly, but I know they feel that way about me. I just feel...stuck. Like I'm super-glued to the track and everyone else is speeding forward.
  13. Damn it! I caved. I looked them up. I was doing so well too. *heavy, angry sigh. Happy holidays, people!
  14. Even when I don't research my CO, thoughts of him speed through my mind. Like three or more people having a conversation in my head. And I'm not invited..... Do any of you experience this?
  15. Is it weird that a lot of the couples I like aren't together anymore?
  16. That was my original method. I should go back to doing that. Generally, in RL or otherwise, I make up my mind about people pretty quickly. And once I decided I don't like a person, not much can change it.
  17. That's amazing! As far as the thing about the love interests, that method seems to be best. Very, very smart of you.
  18. This is going to sound horrible, but I'll just say it. Do you sometimes research the other woman, too? Because you want to be a grown-up and not a jealous word that rhymes with 'witch'? But it's basically another form of torture. Sometimes, it feels like you barely made it out of a ****** battle. Pardon the exaggeration.....
  19. @Audrey822, @cornflakegirl: I think loneliness and boredom could be a part of it too. Like I mention before, obsessions are a normal part of my world. But I usually move on to the next really fast. It seems like the older I get, the lonelier and more easily bored I get. My friends are all busy doing their own things. I'm happy for them, but also very jealous. I was forced to leave school because of a financial issue, and I still can't afford to go back. I don't know if I want to anymore. I miss the structure and routine of college more than college itself. I'm trying to be a writer. Plus, I have kind of a tendency to be attracted to guys that are unattainable in some way. It's never done on purpose, though.
  20. I definitely have OCD traits, but I don't know if I have full-blown OCD. I'm on the autistic spectrum, as well. Sometimes, you're in situations where you want to stop your interest in the person, place or thing. But you just can't. It's almost like that special interest/obsession is a part of you, and it's harder to let go.
  21. When I become interested in someone or something, I have to know everything about it. It's just my personality. Of course, you'll never know everything. But you want to feel like you do. Leave no stone unturned, as they say. Are any of you like this?
  22. @Audrey822: Is it bad that I made a Sim of him? I love playing The Sims.
  23. I think that jealousy is possible, I won't lie. I'm usually able to block the 'other woman' when I have these kinds of obsessions. And they don't last nearly as long as this one. Typically, I try to look at pictures of him alone or with the ex, whom I also like. But she sneaks in. ICK! But there are a few accounts where I'm not bombarded with mentions and pictures of 'the other woman'. I could focus more on those. I can try the social media trick. But that would probably mean getting a new Instagram, LOL. Gaming might have to change too..... Wow. Just talking about this makes me feel better. Thanks.
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