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Everything posted by nikki114

  1. I hate my life so much right now. Why can't I be normal like all the other people? Different crush, same story. This one has been on-again, off-again with his girlfriend for nearly a decade. I think they're currently off again. I've mostly heard really bad things about this woman with receipts. But she seems to be a loyal partner. Every time I let myself feel sorry for her, she does some stupid and/or shady shit that makes me not like her again. I can't tell if she truly loves him and waiting for him to change his ways or if she's really in this for the money. And all the nice things she does is just to insure the money keeps flowing. I don't know. Older psychic readings imply that they're done or close to done. But newer ones suggest that they might be expecting. Which makes me sick, considering what I know about them. I hope they're just predictions but who knows? That alone is mental and emotional torture. So are the outdated, old-fashioned views of the women of Lipstick Alley, a gossip forum. It's basically like a really bad drug, and the psychic reading about them are becoming the same way. You know how bad it is for you, but you just keep coming back. Just like their relationships. But my grandfather has COVID and pneumonia. Or COVID-related pneumonia. Up until 2 days ago, he was really on the mend. Being alert, awake, even laughing and making jokes. But BAM, his oxygen drops, his kidneys are messed up and he has to go back to the hospital. Before that, he was in a nursing home-type of place recovering. Before that, he was in a regular room recovering. Now he's in ICU. I wonder why I care more about this volatile couple than I care about my grandpa right now. A man who helped raise me and my brothers. Plus, we get along okay. Then we bicker over our conflicting views on life. It does scare me, what's happening to my grandpa. I shouldn't be obsessing over this celebrity. Whatever happens, it's going to be a train wreck. I don't know if I'm psychic or not. I don't know if I have good intuition. Are these thoughts mine or are they intuitive insights or just wishful thinking? I don't know! Will this go away once I have a real man? I seriously think about suicide because of how these people--fans on LSA, her and occasionally him. But I can't do that to my brother or my parents. I need to stop this!
  2. Is this your day? Spend all day thinking about CO and people in CO's life. Home life sucks. You try to escape bad home life by escaping into CO. But man! These women are vicious! You wouldn't be surprised if a real criminal was in the bunch. You seriously consider suicide just to end this obsession. End this pathetic existence you call a life. He made you feel alive, but you really don't like him anymore. But you still care about him and her. You still want them to be okay. Can you relate?
  3. I am about to say some very random things, and I hope you all can keep up. Like all of you here, I'm struggling with a CO. Amongst other things. I recently caved in yet again. For almost 2 years, his apparent fans--or Moms as some fans call them--have started a hate campaign against his girlfriend. Girlfriend has a kinda sketchy background apparently. The hate campaign wasn't so bad at first. A psychic made a prediction about them. But it became a shit-show when a certain stan/wannabe investigator joined the party. She's became the go-to queen. Her vendetta feels very off, like she wants fame or something. They're all crazy-his older fans that I've come across. But queen stalker's motives are highly questionable. Constant posts about GF's and CO's crimes, accusations, negative stuff, background checks. Literal cyberstalking. The list goes on and on. It's hard to really enjoy anything of his or read any fan forums because attention always goes back to the girlfriend. She's all anyone wants to talk about it seems. I hate that, sketchy or not. I've visited other neutral Insta-pages, but I always go back to the supposed appreciation threads on LSA. I've learned a lot of unpleasant truths about CO as well. A lot of epiphanies and predictions. The anti-fans/mommies claim they're looking out for him, but I just think they're addicted to the drama. GF tried to get a restraining order, but she messed up. She originally assumed that only one person was doing all the stalking, but it's at least 10. They've also said vicious things about his dead ex and his daughter--also dead. He's bisexual and they're homophobes. Most of them. Anyone who disagrees with them is put on time out and even banned sometimes. I know GF is shady, but I can't help but feel sorry for her. She may be a perp, but she's also a victim. A victim of stalking and online abuse. I wish everyone would just leave them alone. I wish this obsession would just end for good!
  4. The ebb and flowing continues. Now it's his birthday and I'm gonna keep myself busy and try to avoid him asap. I hate him and still kind of adore him, but he's wrong for me. And his fans--a good portion of them--are psychos!
  5. My guy's fandom is just too weird. I often found in my CO-type situations is that the actual celebrity is fine. They're cool, but it's the fandoms that cause me to "run", not anything the actual celebrity does. Often, but not always.
  6. This obsession has gotten weird. My guy's fan base is crazy! At least the ones who I've came across--the LSA people, the YouTube fans, the Insta-Sisters etc. Now I'm becoming jealous of people he may get involved with in the future too? Bleep this! This isn't fun anymore. But he's so dreamy *happy sigh*.
  7. It's okay sometimes. The other threads I've visited aren't as crazy...usually. But the latest CO's thread has over 1000 pages and like 30,000 comments on it. No kidding. And most of it is dedicated to trashing his latest (very likely PR) piece. 1000 pages. Freaking ridiculous. Unfortunately, I think a lot of what they say about him is true. I know that people have their flaws and stuff, but they've found a way to ruin him for him. And now I can't enjoy him without thinking of his PR girlfriend or that thread. Which is supposed to be a "thirst and appreciation" thread that has turned into a hate thread. I hate those b-words.
  8. Ugh. I hate lipstickalley. They're always ruining my COs for me and they did it again. I wish I could permanently end my obsession with current COs or at least not be drawn to that website. DO I have to give him up or can I find another place to drool over him. I know I'll never be with him, and given what I've learned or intuited, I'm fine with that. But come on. It's fantasy. Don't try to ruin my fantasy. Plus I get irrationally jealous of people sometimes. I hate that about myself. I don't wanna get jealous or catty about any woman who gets near any of my COs. Plus not only do they bash over his live friends/girlfriends, they bash his dead fiancee/girlfriend and their baby (also dead). That doesn't sit well with me. A lot of the things they've did and said don't sit well with, whether they're true or not. Yet I can't stop visiting. How do I stop? What do I do?
  9. I really wish I could be one of those people who are like, "I don't care about so-so's personal life. Just the music or the movies or whatever". But I'm not that kind of person. I'm nosy, I want to know as much as I can about CO. I wanna know as much as I can about people in general. But I've learned things about 3 celebs this year that I've obsessed over and respected that I wish I didn't know. Just now, I was on this "thirst and appreciation" thread about this celeb I like. Apparently, there's something that's got the women over there very upset. Someone apparently posted something on Tumblr about him and his 'girlfriend' or fwb. Screenshot and posted it. I tried reading the thing and blowing it up, but you need an account in order to read and access it. I considered it, but common sense took over and I found a phone app that block websites as well as apps. Thank the Goddess. I copy, pasted and block. I've already had an...interesting week. No need to make it worse. I don't know what it said, and I don't want to. I just know it'll make me madder at him and **** up the rest of my month or...life. The guy is typically very private, but his lover isn't. She is desperate for people to know that they are in a relationship. She's just a golddigger using him for his money and fame. And she's going to drain him dry. She's even opened an account on the website and talked about how 'beautiful and happy' they are together. Honestly, knowing that he's either allowing this or oblivious to it just makes lose respect for him. I'm starting to think that he's not who people think he is. My spidey senses are on fire about this woman. Three ****ing times! Maybe I should just quit celebrities altogether?
  10. Do you ever try to do something. whether it involves your celebrity obsession or not? Then suddenly, an unpleasant thought about him or her comes up. About their love life or damn YouTube comments about them, anything. And it distracts you and ruins your mood. Keeping you from enjoying your activity or doing your activity? I don't know. Am I making sense?
  11. I'm a jealous person, insanely jealous. I wish I could shut it down, but I can't. Celebrity or not, I don't even want to think about my obsession being with anyone else. Or it'll make me crazy. I suppress a lot of jealousy and possessiveness. I guess I can thank my Mars in Libra.
  12. DO you have thoughts about your imaginary boyfriends, friends, girlfriends whatever being with other people? Of course, I mean your celebrity obsessions. And the thoughts are just relentless, to the point that they **** up your everyday life? You just think things that you don't want to think and it makes you physically uncomfortable and/or ill? And you don't know why? You have trouble just snapping out of it? The harder you try to control, the more relentless the thoughts are? How do you make them STOP?! *Crazy lady. News at 6:00....
  13. I rarely feel like a functioning adult and this celebrity worship thing is just one of the reasons why. I'm autistic, probably OCD and ADHD as well. My life is so much different than my peers' lives. My family doesn't like me very much sometimes. I annoy them a lot and vice versa. It's too shameful to share this with people outside of these forums. I can't even tell my therapist. I mean, celebrity worship stuff not really the other stuff. It's...I don't know. He once said that you could easily Google his home address. Not that I'll ever do that for many reasons. Plus, he's in the South filming a movie. He's pretty much a rolling stone and a loner. And I have no desire to visit L.A. Plus, I hate when they say, "It's none of our business.". Whether they meant to or not, celebs always put their business out there. And people are naturally going to be curious about public figures.
  14. Well, it's happening again. I'm becoming obsessed with some other celebrity. I read the forum on one of his fan sites. They make me feel guilty for having such an interest in his private life. Not directly, I never opened an account on there. I'm a curious person, I have to know everything about everything and everyone. Do other people-directly or indirectly--make you feel bad because of your obsession when you're not busy doing that to yourself?
  15. I realized something this week. And that is this: A celebrity's personal life is important, somewhat at least. You wanna know if they're a good person, right? Or if they're secret assholes. I've learned some things about a celebrity I admired. He isn't exactly the good guy he so constantly portrays himself to be. Learning these things were very upsetting, but I'm glad I learned them. SO maybe there are certain perks to this disorder we have. Maybe.
  16. Bleep my life. Bleep this stupid celebrity obsession. Bleep him, her and them. Bleep my boredom. Bleep dependence. Bleep everything, I want my life back!
  17. I just unfollowed him on social media, mostly fansites. Small steps, hopefully big results.
  18. I just found out that a celebrity I had a years-long crush on is taken. For years, he was a single man. For some reason, I feel very hurt. I have kind of a burn in my chest. 2018 has screwed me over one final time. I don't wanna spend one more second obsessing over someone I'll never have. That ends right now and I'll try my hardest to keep it from happening again.
  19. I don't know why I'm so flipping obsessed over celebrities' love lives and such. I should be more focused on my own life. Just when you think you've been the addiction, it just comes back and attacks you. Celebrity addiction is apparently caused by depression. And this depression has been kicking my butt all year. I can't wait for the new year to start. And then maybe this ridiculous celebrity addiction will finally end!
  20. I just blocked some accounts on Instagram. Why? Because they featured some pictures of my CO with his partner. These people did nothing wrong to me, but I blocked them. Because seeing pics of him with her still makes me feel physically uncomfortable. I'm officially a freak.
  21. I've been reading articles like this for months. I can't stop rereading number #8 on this one..... *link removed*
  22. @starbucksjunkee: It's like I ping-pong between feeling bad about myself and feeling good about myself. Pessimism with occasional and recently more frequent bouts of optimism. I took the test and got a type 6. I read the description and it is pretty accurate. I also got strong Individualism and Thinker scores. Type 6 is barely in the lead.
  23. @starbucksjunkee: Sometimes, I wonder if the only way these obsessions would fully end if I got a man. My history with men is...not so great. I fell in love once, but he didn't love me back. He once said in front of our classmates that he wanted nothing to do with me. And I still clung onto him like a piece of lint on a shirt. I went on only one date ever with a different guy, but it took all of 5 minutes to realize we were wrong for each other. Even though the crush linger for a short while after. After that, I really liked someone and the feeling was mutual for once. I was so excited when he finally asked for my number. I didn't get his, and he never called me back. Months later, I saw him hand in hand with another girl. I was crushed, but I got over it pretty fast. After that, it was one failed attempt after another. One unattainable person after another. But it rarely progressed beyond flirting and talking. I ruined things before they could even get started. Then there was another guys a few years that I met on some site. I had Aspergers too. I liked him, but he wanted more than I could offer. I guess I got scared. I wasn't ready for a commitment, even with someone over the Internet. Very few people know about Internet guy. Somewhere across the line, I went from going after unavailable live guys to having imaginary relationships with celebrities. For the most part, it's worked for me. I could imagine exactly the type of relationship I'd want with a live person, enjoy it, get bored, move on. Lather, rinse, repeat. I've given up too, for the most part. I think the only man that could handle me is my brother, LOL.
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