Writing helps out a ton. You have a problem and you write about it. Diary, letter to someone, poem etc. Share it with your therapist or counselor. The only way to at least start the healing process is through writing and therapy.
It was very hard to confess that secret. I thought about telling my brother and cousin, the two people I trust more than anyone in the world. I just couldn't because I was afraid of being judged. Afraid they would think less of me. Which is insane because they know things about me that no one else and they've never judged. I thought about telling my best friend, someone else I love and trust. But she and all my other friends are very, very busy doing other things. No room for me right now......
I nearly confessed to my therapist when I first began seeing her. It was very strained conversation. I guess because I didn't want to tell her or anyone really.
Plus, I'm a fairly independent person and try to solve problems on my own. This was clearly a problem I cannot solve on my own. So yesterday, I told myself, "Screw it. I'll just tell her and see what happens."
That conversation started off strained too. So I wrote everything down. Told about my CO and how he really reminds of my 'first love'. Who he was, what he does, how I came to 'know' him. Everything.
Once it happened, I felt so much lighter. But she and I have been talking about getting a 'real man'. She thinks that it's the best way to get over this. I'm not so sure about that.
I've been alone so long, I don't know if I can be with anyone long term. I'm used to being on my own, and I'm picky as hell. I've had non-famous I liked and wanted to know. But the feelings are rarely mutual.