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About nikki114

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  1. I realized something this week. And that is this: A celebrity's personal life is important, somewhat at least. You wanna know if they're a good person, right? Or if they're secret assholes. I've learned some things about a celebrity I admired. He isn't exactly the good guy he so constantly portrays himself to be. Learning these things were very upsetting, but I'm glad I learned them. SO maybe there are certain perks to this disorder we have. Maybe.
  2. Bleep my life. Bleep this stupid celebrity obsession. Bleep him, her and them. Bleep my boredom. Bleep dependence. Bleep everything, I want my life back!
  3. I just unfollowed him on social media, mostly fansites. Small steps, hopefully big results.
  4. I just found out that a celebrity I had a years-long crush on is taken. For years, he was a single man. For some reason, I feel very hurt. I have kind of a burn in my chest. 2018 has screwed me over one final time. I don't wanna spend one more second obsessing over someone I'll never have. That ends right now and I'll try my hardest to keep it from happening again.
  5. I don't know why I'm so flipping obsessed over celebrities' love lives and such. I should be more focused on my own life. Just when you think you've been the addiction, it just comes back and attacks you. Celebrity addiction is apparently caused by depression. And this depression has been kicking my butt all year. I can't wait for the new year to start. And then maybe this ridiculous celebrity addiction will finally end!
  6. I just blocked some accounts on Instagram. Why? Because they featured some pictures of my CO with his partner. These people did nothing wrong to me, but I blocked them. Because seeing pics of him with her still makes me feel physically uncomfortable. I'm officially a freak.
  7. I've been reading articles like this for months. I can't stop rereading number #8 on this one..... *link removed*
  8. @starbucksjunkee: It's like I ping-pong between feeling bad about myself and feeling good about myself. Pessimism with occasional and recently more frequent bouts of optimism. I took the test and got a type 6. I read the description and it is pretty accurate. I also got strong Individualism and Thinker scores. Type 6 is barely in the lead.
  9. @starbucksjunkee: Sometimes, I wonder if the only way these obsessions would fully end if I got a man. My history with men is...not so great. I fell in love once, but he didn't love me back. He once said in front of our classmates that he wanted nothing to do with me. And I still clung onto him like a piece of lint on a shirt. I went on only one date ever with a different guy, but it took all of 5 minutes to realize we were wrong for each other. Even though the crush linger for a short while after. After that, I really liked someone and the feeling was mutual for once. I was so excited when he finally asked for my number. I didn't get his, and he never called me back. Months later, I saw him hand in hand with another girl. I was crushed, but I got over it pretty fast. After that, it was one failed attempt after another. One unattainable person after another. But it rarely progressed beyond flirting and talking. I ruined things before they could even get started. Then there was another guys a few years that I met on some site. I had Aspergers too. I liked him, but he wanted more than I could offer. I guess I got scared. I wasn't ready for a commitment, even with someone over the Internet. Very few people know about Internet guy. Somewhere across the line, I went from going after unavailable live guys to having imaginary relationships with celebrities. For the most part, it's worked for me. I could imagine exactly the type of relationship I'd want with a live person, enjoy it, get bored, move on. Lather, rinse, repeat. I've given up too, for the most part. I think the only man that could handle me is my brother, LOL.
  10. I've been looking up my CO & his partner for days and the guilt and gut feelings are back. Because I looked them up. But I tried grounding for an impossible-to-know amount of time and I feel much better. Grounding cures guilt--or at least it's good medicine.
  11. I can relate because I'm autistic too. I think I might have OCD also, but my shrinks don't think so. I don't think I could send stuff to my favorite COs either. I'm not good at picking out gifts and I believe in the whole 'never meet your heroes' idea.
  12. Sadly, no. The repetition only bothers me when I have unpleasant thoughts. Like with my CO and...her. I've gotten over other COs by focusing on their negative qualities and with activity. But this one is so much harder that the others. Because this guy has a perfect image, perfect family image, perfect everything. People are already predicting that he'll win an Oscar for his upcoming movie, which he probably will. I don't know if I'll ever get over him. 😞
  13. I went on an Internet detox almost 2 months ago. It lasted for about a week. I meant even with the Internet and Wi-Fi taken away, I still thought about them a lot. My brain has the tendency to be repetitive and retain a lot of information. I go over the same thoughts and images in my head over and over again. Thinking about them together makes me feel crazy and depressed.
  14. I keep obsessing over this CO, his family and his partner. I can't stop these thoughts no matter what I do. I distract myself and it only works for a short time. I had my computer taken away--my idea--but thoughts of him and them still run rampant in my brain. It's like my whole obsessive brain is a trigger. NO social media or technology needed. I visit this fansite of his on Tumblr. That's trigger-central because she's a fan of his relationship. It makes me feel like I just ran thru a snowstorm without a coat on. NO matter what, it's relentless and I can't stop! Now there's this trailer of his next movie coming out in October. More interviews. They mention her and that's more triggering. Now after having a fairly good week and I feel like crap again. Thanks, CO & partner and kids. 😞
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