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About BlueCycloBlog

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    Reading. Drawing and painting. Counting the stars. Creative writing. Biking over fallen leaves. Nearly any Bjork song. Volunteering whenever I'm able. Dreaming of better days.

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  1. If there were a gameshow called Who Can Be the Most Negative? I'd totally win the grand prize. ๐Ÿคจ
  2. YES exactly. I just showered and washed my hair and practiced some actual self-care and I say "yay me!" and then Depression snickers, "Seriously? You're proud that you brushed your teeth?" ๐Ÿ˜
  3. Today wasn't good. ๐Ÿ˜• Thinking negatively all day is exhausting. I felt like I was drowning today. I'm proud of myself for getting through the day while feeling so bad, so there's that, I guess.
  4. This is so well worded - lovely. ๐Ÿ’™ I like the idea of channeling manic energy... sometimes I can, but not often. Not yet anyway. ๐Ÿ™„ My dream is to channel that energy into a long, hard workout every single time. I notice that it works really well for me when I'm able to do it.
  5. Rewatching Lost for the millionth time. Season 1 was so great.
  6. Oh I was diagnosed over 20 years ago... but once I realized the way I was feeling wasn't the norm, I recognized that I'd been depressed since the 6th grade. (throughout the years) I've been diagnosed with Clinical Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Cyclothymia, Bipolar II... All fancy ways of saying that my default setting is sad and anxious with bouts of mania, if you ask me. ๐Ÿ˜ I've tried to explain to the few in my life who've cared enough to ask that I ALWAYS think negatively. Some days I can turn the volume on the negativity down enough to get things done, but most of the time I can't. Every now and then the volume knob goes haywire and hits the other extreme - when I don't need sleep and feel invincible. I'm glad others get the behind-in-life thing. That makes me feel better, actually. ๐Ÿ’™
  7. I feel worried because I'm calm and okay at this moment. That usually indicates I'm in the eye of the mental storm. ๐Ÿ˜’
  8. Welcome @Still In Progress I definitely get the family attitude; I have similar circumstances. No one in my family understands or cares to try to. Thank you for the virtual hug and to echo @Oscar K, I hope you find what you need here.๐Ÿ’™
  9. I agree with you both. Don't forget that our minds ARE imbalanced to some extent... our minds don't process things like other people's do. ๐Ÿ˜‘ And that's okay, but sometimes it is SO hard. I think we feel used up and misunderstood because we are! We've been fighting for so long, some of us for years, some of us for most of our lives, fighting, fighting, fighting. Trying so hard not to give up - and it's exhausting. And yes, we're definitely misunderstood. Sometimes I even misunderstand MYSELF. I think, why did I do/say/not do that? And then I remind myself, you're operating at a deficit and you're doing the best you can. I'm sorry you're feeling this way @blueskys_lemondrops, but you're not alone. ๐Ÿ’™
  10. I like "rattled my rafters" - that's going to be my new catchphrase. ๐Ÿ˜„
  11. Yes, EXACTLY. ๐Ÿ˜ I'm 42 and I feel so far behind my peers - and the sister I mentioned. You know how most people graduate high school, go to college, graduate, start their career, buy a house, start a family, and have stocks and bonds and 401Ks? Other than graduating high school early, I haven't done any of those things in a typical amount of time. I'm a late bloomer, which is okay on my good days and a sure sign that I'm a failure at life on my bad days. Even when I do accomplish something, Depression is quick to remind me that I'm still a loser and always will be. Depression's determination to defeat me is almost demonic sometimes. ๐Ÿ˜ก
  12. I haven't ridden my bike yet this week, so I'm going to bike today.
  13. I'm so sorry you feel this way right now. Don't worry, I won't say "it will be fine" or "everything will get better" because I hate hearing that when I'm having a bad day. Maybe just try to get through today. ๐Ÿ’œ hugs ๐Ÿ’š
  14. I'm watching The People's Court. For some reason, it's the only court tv show I like. ๐Ÿคช
  15. Just to chime in with a similar sound... I'm overwhelmed too. Lately I keep fighting the shame of never being able to "get my life together" no matter what I do. I always feel like I'm playing catch up in life and it's always so hard for me to have what "normal" people my age seem to be able to have without such an intense struggle. I also felt sad accidentally driving past my sister's job today. We're not close (understatement of the year) and it would've been so nice to stop in to say hello and know she'd be delighted to see me... oh well. I'm so sorry to hear anyone say they have thoughts of leaving this life, but I get it. I feel that way too but it sounds so much sadder when someone else says it. ๐Ÿ’™
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