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Everything posted by anxiousE

  1. I know i havent really been back for very long, but im thinking of taking a break from the forum. No, its nothing anybody has done. Im just overwhelmed at home and have to reprioritize some things. I dunno. Maybe ill be back or pop in but i just thought i should give a warning this time that i might take a break. Feeling conflicted.
  2. Well, in addition to the sleep issues, im not having proper bowel movements. Didnt go at all today. Is this tmi? Its frustrating. At least im not in pain. Actually, i slept a little better last night i think. Used a better nasal aid for sleep. I'm required to use it otherwise i can't breathe well enough to sleep. Thats what makes me think ive sleep apnea. Plus the hours i spend sleeping.
  3. Im feeling better today, so far, but im still having sleepiness. Wonder if its from the meds or im just lazy/bored. Or theres still the possibility of sleep apnea.
  4. Oh boy! Weight gain with gabapentin? I never considered that. Nor did my doctors say anything about it. Ugh. You never experienced weight gain with celexa?
  5. i can't go on twitter anymore without crying. (my friend was on there and it's just not the same anymore)
  6. Lost a friend today. Well i hope it's temporary. She needs a break from everything. But my whole world got shook. We are really close and i dont really have friends, especially like that. I feel my life with her flashing before my eyes.
  7. Celexa is the new med, but i increased Gabapentin and am also on Vraylar.
  8. i feel okay this afternoon, but i fear my weight is going up again on these meds. I cannot deal with that or the moods. it sucks.
  9. Im feeling tired. Is this a sign of depression? Actually i still feel better on the meds though. Gonna watch my tv program then get back to cooking. That is my life.
  10. i feel ok right now. i think the new meds are working. just hope i don't start gaining weight again.
  11. Worried. My cousin was on the verge of a panic attack and i was talking her through it, but then she stopped talking. It's partially normal behavior on her part, but its frustrating and worrisome for me. Hioe shes feeling better. Panic attacks dont last hours long do they? I probably wont hear from her until tomorrow. Crazy.
  12. Im feeling tired. I slept plenty. Maybe i really do have sleep apnea. Not diagnosed, but was recommended to do a sleep study. Anyway, i must stay up now tho. This sucks.
  13. forgot to mention, started a new med (antidepressant) today. obviously it's too soon to know if it's working, but i've not had any side effects, so i wonder if it really is working. hmm
  14. Boy! lots has happened just since my last visit here. i feel hopeful though in this moment, somehow? ah, who am i kidding. i'm still fighting anxiety and those scary thoughts, but i guess i feel a little better in this moment. i woke up earlier and got a good start to the day, so i'm doing my part! you know what bugs me? trying to remember my screennames and passwords. i was thinking of not using some accounts (not multiple accounts here. i mean twitter, fb, other forums) for a while, but i'm afraid if i don't go often, i'll forget my information. eek! i just wonder if my memory could be served better elsewhere. there was a time i needed all these things and i probably will again...ugh! unsure
  15. Hey folks! I was reminded of this forum the other day and decided to stop in and say hello. I know I'm probably mostly forgotten now as it's been a few. how do i feel right now? sad that I can't keep up with everyone and even when i try, they end up leaving me. ugh. also feels weird to be back and not know the context of anything.
  16. Hey all! Just checking in. So I actually do not claim to have a CO at this time. I wonder if it has to do with me being on a mood stabilizer. I haven't had much interest in anything for a while now. But there's also the fact that I'll never likely meet my COs so the obsession just has become boring. I'm not sure what more to say right now, but thinking of you all. Be well!
  17. Im going to do this separate in case people think to ignore quote tweets. Hello again! I need to look back and see what ive missed. Im always trying to keep up with this thread though. I will repeat this, i feel as though im losing my old CO that i had last time i was here, the band guy. I dont mean that i dont care about him or think hes super attractive, cuz i still do, but I've lost a significant desire to know EVERYTHING about him. Maybe it has to do with him getting married, although it has been a few months for that now. Or maybe ive just exhausted the interesting and new things about him. Now its pretty much same things he's saying, or at least i think that, although i did miss out on an interesting quote. I guess it's because interviews often repeat things and there is only like a single new thing in each one, so i tend to get bored. Its weird. I often thought i dont get over a CO till i get a new one. Maybe im currently obsessed with this tv show. Im not exactly obsessed with the cutie on there, but theres that too. I feel like this is just my apathetic depressed stage and I'll probably get another CO within the next year or so. Edit: oh. Guess i already posted before the last. This thread is so quiet now! I hope that means people are doing better.
  18. Ahh. Interesting! Not your pain, but how you feel about having a band CO and losing the older CO. My suspicion is that you losing the previous one for this new one. I don't really think these things are in our control. It's also interesting to me because I'm losing my current CO. Not sure if I've a replacement though yet. Could be why im depressed though, or depression is preventing it. I'm not 100% sure, but like i said, it's all interesting from someone here trying to figure it all out like yourself.
  19. Ooo i just noticed i have a rocket on my pic. Whats that? Lol also my last post was exactly 320 pages back. Heheh ok. Later! (This is what i mean by cheery)
  20. Hello people! I know i almost never visit anymore, but I'm here today. I'm feeling ok, but im so worried about my marriage. It's on again off again and right now it's kinda off. By that i mean my partner is really frustrated with me, but I'm here really frustrated with what he expects from me. It's like he excpects me to read his mind and just know all of his expectations and be able to do them! I unfortunately have limitations, both physical and mental. He just doesnt understand either of those, despite the fact that he sometimes has his own limitations. Says when i work as hard as him, it can be expected i might need a break. Like are you freaking kidding me! I may not work so much on the outside, but boy am i working mentally all day and it's not easy! Ok, vent done. Be well everyone! I hope you dont mind my cheeriness. It's my coping mechanism.
  21. I just gotta say, i practically teared up reading this. Much of it rang true in my experience. Luckily, things have improved with my SO and he expresses love more again. And some things with my COs, well one just I haven't been able to see him very much lately. (Used to watch his gaming streams every week). And the other, well im still very attracted to him, but oddly, it's like not all consuming. Maybe like others have said, i see his humanness. Yet, at the same time, i still see this perfection about him and how he'd never be with someone like me cuz i dont fit his type apparently. At the same time, he's super affectionate and i can still imagine being with him and the very different personality he has to my SO...and yet they are similar too. I find similarities between me and CO, and he's somedays like a hero or role model for me, but then other days i get sad and depressed by the fact that he made it and i don't do shit or have an ounce of popularity or skill or looks or...i exaggerate, but basically i fall short, waaaay short. I'm depressed last thing to mention, i started a mood stabilizer for bipolar2 since i was here last and since that time, my obsessions have sorta calmed. Im not as emotionally attached or looking up eveey little detail... or am i? I still see pics daily from accounts i follow and that second CO, the role model, noticed me once or twice. Sooo...idk is the novelty wearing or am i just getting comfortable? Is it the medication?
  22. Hey! So, I come here tonight in genuine pain. It's probably just my mood adding to it, but I'm feeling really jealous and left out. See, there's this community for this one CO and he even stops in from time to time (going back to being vague, but the regulars probably know). Anyway, tonight I found out there is a special section for "special" folks. It's something that I can't be a part of (not really anything wrong, i just can't for x y z). And it really makes me feel left out. Add to that the drama with a few other members, one with whom I am still friends with and another I no longer could be. It's not really gossipy, because people are trying to be respectful, but there was a time when some things got out there and I happened to see it. It REALLY hurts hearing some of these things about my friend, but the other concern is that they could be saying similar things about me too! Granted, I'm in a different situation, but I'm not naive; people find things. ... but so I'm in the middle (kinda) trying to help my friend, but like I'm going mental worrying it's going to be me next or wondering what's happening behind the curtain, so to speak. Again, my mood just decided to drop today too, so like that doesn't help. But this isn't the first time I've sensed these things and felt this way...not even just this community either. How is this about my CO?? Well, that's the other thing. He's been relatively quiet, and even the "special" people admit it (or wait, do they??)... and that is what's ******* me! In the beginning, I actually felt like I mattered. CO made me feel so, but now my fellow "friends" that came on with me for the first time too, are getting these "special" priveledges and it just makes me wonder if CO is spending time with just them...I mean, he already does this to some extent; stays in one section of the place most of the time and talks a lot to just a few... I FEEL LIKE A NOBODY AGAIN And I hate feeling this way, because the jealousy is only going to make me act more stupid or be all in my head... My friend took a break for her own good, but like some folks are happy about that... Do I need to take a break?...but then be completely forgotten and ignored and feel miserable every time I'm there?! (i'm spiraling. gonna end this. trying to stay above water, but it's still turbulant).
  23. Hey! Sorry I've been MIA. I guess things have been ok?? Feel I wanted to update with something, but now all I can think about is how I think one of my COs, may have collaborated with @HopelessRomantic2011 favorite bands?? I hope it's ok to say this much. I'm not specifying names, but wanted to post here to signal I plan to check in when I remember my thoughts. Haha! *facepalms And I don't have a lot of time either. Actually, I am recalling how I've met some fellow enthusiasts of my COs, some of who seem worse off than me, but it makes me check myself, because I do still feel more than the average/casual fan, ya know? But more later, and I have been keeping up with this thread, but for the life of me, my attention span has gone kaput lol
  24. Well, I'm feeling extremely upset right now, but i can't even talk about it. all I can do is make this face or cry. or basically, i'm being kicked when i'm already down and told that I AM THE ONE who's causing distress. edit: sorry, I'm too depressed to get caught up right now. maybe in a bit, but don't hold your breath. goodnight DF
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