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anxiousE

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Everything posted by anxiousE

  1. Im going to do this separate in case people think to ignore quote tweets. Hello again! I need to look back and see what ive missed. Im always trying to keep up with this thread though. I will repeat this, i feel as though im losing my old CO that i had last time i was here, the band guy. I dont mean that i dont care about him or think hes super attractive, cuz i still do, but I've lost a significant desire to know EVERYTHING about him. Maybe it has to do with him getting married, although it has been a few months for that now. Or maybe ive just exhausted the interesting and new things about him. Now its pretty much same things he's saying, or at least i think that, although i did miss out on an interesting quote. I guess it's because interviews often repeat things and there is only like a single new thing in each one, so i tend to get bored. Its weird. I often thought i dont get over a CO till i get a new one. Maybe im currently obsessed with this tv show. Im not exactly obsessed with the cutie on there, but theres that too. I feel like this is just my apathetic depressed stage and I'll probably get another CO within the next year or so. Edit: oh. Guess i already posted before the last. This thread is so quiet now! I hope that means people are doing better.
  2. Ahh. Interesting! Not your pain, but how you feel about having a band CO and losing the older CO. My suspicion is that you losing the previous one for this new one. I don't really think these things are in our control. It's also interesting to me because I'm losing my current CO. Not sure if I've a replacement though yet. Could be why im depressed though, or depression is preventing it. I'm not 100% sure, but like i said, it's all interesting from someone here trying to figure it all out like yourself.
  3. Ooo i just noticed i have a rocket on my pic. Whats that? Lol also my last post was exactly 320 pages back. Heheh ok. Later! (This is what i mean by cheery)
  4. Hello people! I know i almost never visit anymore, but I'm here today. I'm feeling ok, but im so worried about my marriage. It's on again off again and right now it's kinda off. By that i mean my partner is really frustrated with me, but I'm here really frustrated with what he expects from me. It's like he excpects me to read his mind and just know all of his expectations and be able to do them! I unfortunately have limitations, both physical and mental. He just doesnt understand either of those, despite the fact that he sometimes has his own limitations. Says when i work as hard as him, it can be expected i might need a break. Like are you freaking kidding me! I may not work so much on the outside, but boy am i working mentally all day and it's not easy! Ok, vent done. Be well everyone! I hope you dont mind my cheeriness. It's my coping mechanism.
  5. I just gotta say, i practically teared up reading this. Much of it rang true in my experience. Luckily, things have improved with my SO and he expresses love more again. And some things with my COs, well one just I haven't been able to see him very much lately. (Used to watch his gaming streams every week). And the other, well im still very attracted to him, but oddly, it's like not all consuming. Maybe like others have said, i see his humanness. Yet, at the same time, i still see this perfection about him and how he'd never be with someone like me cuz i dont fit his type apparently. At the same time, he's super affectionate and i can still imagine being with him and the very different personality he has to my SO...and yet they are similar too. I find similarities between me and CO, and he's somedays like a hero or role model for me, but then other days i get sad and depressed by the fact that he made it and i don't do shit or have an ounce of popularity or skill or looks or...i exaggerate, but basically i fall short, waaaay short. I'm depressed last thing to mention, i started a mood stabilizer for bipolar2 since i was here last and since that time, my obsessions have sorta calmed. Im not as emotionally attached or looking up eveey little detail... or am i? I still see pics daily from accounts i follow and that second CO, the role model, noticed me once or twice. Sooo...idk is the novelty wearing or am i just getting comfortable? Is it the medication?
  6. Hey! So, I come here tonight in genuine pain. It's probably just my mood adding to it, but I'm feeling really jealous and left out. See, there's this community for this one CO and he even stops in from time to time (going back to being vague, but the regulars probably know). Anyway, tonight I found out there is a special section for "special" folks. It's something that I can't be a part of (not really anything wrong, i just can't for x y z). And it really makes me feel left out. Add to that the drama with a few other members, one with whom I am still friends with and another I no longer could be. It's not really gossipy, because people are trying to be respectful, but there was a time when some things got out there and I happened to see it. It REALLY hurts hearing some of these things about my friend, but the other concern is that they could be saying similar things about me too! Granted, I'm in a different situation, but I'm not naive; people find things. ... but so I'm in the middle (kinda) trying to help my friend, but like I'm going mental worrying it's going to be me next or wondering what's happening behind the curtain, so to speak. Again, my mood just decided to drop today too, so like that doesn't help. But this isn't the first time I've sensed these things and felt this way...not even just this community either. How is this about my CO?? Well, that's the other thing. He's been relatively quiet, and even the "special" people admit it (or wait, do they??)... and that is what's ******* me! In the beginning, I actually felt like I mattered. CO made me feel so, but now my fellow "friends" that came on with me for the first time too, are getting these "special" priveledges and it just makes me wonder if CO is spending time with just them...I mean, he already does this to some extent; stays in one section of the place most of the time and talks a lot to just a few... I FEEL LIKE A NOBODY AGAIN And I hate feeling this way, because the jealousy is only going to make me act more stupid or be all in my head... My friend took a break for her own good, but like some folks are happy about that... Do I need to take a break?...but then be completely forgotten and ignored and feel miserable every time I'm there?! (i'm spiraling. gonna end this. trying to stay above water, but it's still turbulant).
  7. Hey! Sorry I've been MIA. I guess things have been ok?? Feel I wanted to update with something, but now all I can think about is how I think one of my COs, may have collaborated with @HopelessRomantic2011 favorite bands?? I hope it's ok to say this much. I'm not specifying names, but wanted to post here to signal I plan to check in when I remember my thoughts. Haha! *facepalms And I don't have a lot of time either. Actually, I am recalling how I've met some fellow enthusiasts of my COs, some of who seem worse off than me, but it makes me check myself, because I do still feel more than the average/casual fan, ya know? But more later, and I have been keeping up with this thread, but for the life of me, my attention span has gone kaput lol
  8. Well, I'm feeling extremely upset right now, but i can't even talk about it. all I can do is make this face or cry. or basically, i'm being kicked when i'm already down and told that I AM THE ONE who's causing distress. edit: sorry, I'm too depressed to get caught up right now. maybe in a bit, but don't hold your breath. goodnight DF
  9. Hi! Welcome again! I hope you feel at home here. From the response I've seen, I'm even more impressed with this great community!
  10. No, I'm plenty old enough, but I've not really had a serious job that I had to make a living from. Guess im lucky...but I'm also useless, so I don't always have confidence. Hey! Nice to see you! Welcome! sorry about Tigger. I hope you can get her feeling better soon! Did I read you were going back to the vet? Seems they should be able to help, I hope.
  11. Hey!! I was actually wondering about you for some time! Nice to see you back! I know we didn't really get to know each other well, because I was new and shy at the time, but I always was rooting for you! Hope you're doing alright these days!
  12. yea... well, in my case (or tom's) he kinda set himself up for some of the comments he gets. lol I mean, I'm finding out more and more just how "dirty" he was (ok, yes, kinda innocent dirty, you know, jokes, but definitely ?colorful? (yea colorful). So, he brought it on himself, but I feel he's been growing up too, and it's so hard for some of us fans to really recognize that...because he is still so dreamy!! So, I'm stuck. Like, I want the fantasy, but I also want to be respectful. So... I mean, I respect him when talking to him or around him/in public, but i kinda freak out with some of my friends. eh hem. But, to kinda help distract me a bit, I've kinda gotten a new CO. It's actually Tom's former bandmate...let's just call him W. I'm afraid of things getting too easy for folks to search what I say lol So W, well, basically he's set up a way to communicate more directly with the fans, so...like, that's insane and awesome and totally has me swept up in all that. He's so sweet to do this for all of us!! But, it's obvious that he enjoys it too. So yea, I've actually gotten to ask questions and make comments and even answer questions that he replies to or asks. (oh my God! It never ceases to amaze me when I type it all out). It's actually been really cool though, because we are all a community that just feels comfortable with each other now. Yes, of course I'm still amazed and excited, but not ALL the time anymore. It's just another community of cool people. I never would have imagined I'd feel comfortable with a famous person!!
  13. life is precious, including yours. yes, it's not easy, but in difficulty we must muster strength. what keeps me going is that i'm not exactly sure what's on the other side. if we are meant to die (if it comes naturally) then it has to be ok, right? i mean, it's how it's meant to be. but if we force it...well, i don't know! seems that usually when something is forced, it's not a good thing. I'm not sure if this is helpful to you or anyone here, and I'm kinda going out on a limb saying this, but i really want people to stick around.
  14. Hey all! Long time, no speak! Hope you're all doing ok. I'll have to catch up with myself soon, but right now I'd like to speak on behalf of a friend interested in joining the community. I try to reassure her that she'd be welcome here, but she's had some struggles in the past and is very nervous. Particularly nervous due to these issues- borderline personality disorder and learning difficulties. She fears upsetting people or annoying them with her issues. I also let her know that several folks here struggle with these or similar issues... Can y'all just help me bring her over here?? She really needs the support, and I can attest that she's a good person, even if very anxious sometimes (hey, we all get that right??) Thanks! And just quickly for me, I'm doing okay. Will tell more next time. Hugs!
  15. Hey folks! Just dropping by with some love for you all! I'm going through "something" at the moment, but I'm safe. But I've more reason to consider bipolar2 again...and yet, I don't think my highs are high enough to be seriously dangerous...or is the mixed that we worry about, because those are mentally rough for me...but still seem to be handling things ok. I just have to step away from certain environments at the time, and sadly, I have to slow down or cancel certain responsibilities...but that's no different than a physical sick day off, right?? Ugh! I'm just kinda feeling stupid and circling thoughts around, because apparently my vivid dreaming means I'm not sleeping well, and well, I was happy and enjoying my dreams before that reality hit me. I really wish i could be more active in the community, but I just have extended myself too much over the past few years and can't always be everywhere at once (though I sometimes stupidly try! :P) ok, this is plenty long. Did not mean to write so much! Lol
  16. Oh, this is heartbreaking!! I hope you'll be alright! You will surely be missed, dear! So sorry you went through all of that too. I hope I didn't trigger anything. Yes, I'm struggling, but I'm still hanging on...and it comes and goes. It's a little less painful now, but I also fear I'm not being the wisest with how im dealing with things. @Smophie it's not really so much an issue of can't have kids (I mean, as far as I know), it's more that I shouldn't. It's complicated. I don't want to go into it either. I know I said I'd update, but now isn't the best time either. Plus I don't even know what to say...oh wait! But things changed. Last night, Tom was on a tweeting spree to promote his show. He hasn't really acknowledged fans in some time, but my hope is still there, so I'd comment (I was not the only one, I promise), and he even did acknowledge one person, a person I happen to follow too, last night. That's damn exciting!! All in all, a good night, but I fear that person got recognition for 2 reasons, 1 I prefer not to do, and 2 I absolutely will not do...so that's kinda discouraging. But...i mean, I still had fun and maybe he still sees the comments... i just hope he is or can be proud of me. Like I really don't want to be a disappointment, particularly if it gets me blocked. (Eek!) So...i mean, am I super dumb and crazy??! Well, yeah probably...but I don't want to stop!!! I really try to say clever and/or nice things, but still, who really knows how text is perceived?? I dunno! But besides all of that, I probably did myself a disservice by following some fellow fans...While they certainly can relate to my crush, they can and do sometimes feed the obsession and tempt me to behave in similar disgusting fashion. I mean, I haven't exactly done that, but I'm not always in the best of control, especially when it comes to the subject of Tom, who just makes me want to lose control completely! Oh God, help me! Oh, and hi hi @HopelessRomantic2011 ! Nice to see you again! Glad you're doing well (I think and hope)! Good luck choosing your "bachelor"! Haha
  17. I'm gonna keep this short since I don't have a lot of time. I'm REALLY suffering right now! The desires are too strong and I'm just left in complete sadness that I can't have...things. A new component is here-children. I don't have them, but I always wanted them...he has them... sigh! anyway, I've gotta run. Will check back later.
  18. @smophie Hands are sore from typing/using the muse so much for fun stuff online as well as typing and editing my novel in progress. I have no elf control. Sigh I'm sad today. Here are my thoughts I don't know that my H would be as ok with this if he knew the full extent of my crush and how much time I spend with it. That's the only reason I feel I need to tone it down some. But I keep joining groups and meeting other fans...well, that's not the problem, but the fact that they share these old pics and vids...especially the ones from "his prime peak hotness" days, remind me of my deep crush back then and the heartbreak of knowing he was a tad too old for me (well, not to mention it would've been illegal as I was under 18 at the time) AND that he was married (Although teen me wouldn't have cared. ) for us to ever be. That's just such a sad thought. I dunno why! I dunno why I have to crush on someone so out of reach! It sucks! Well, it sucks to think of him then. Now he's Dad Tom and like he's still cute, but he's not as seducing as he once was in his 20s. It's more love than intense desire. Know what I mean?? But then that all still comes back when I see old pics/vids. I dunno!! Lol except the last vid/interview I watched (yes, last night after I said to myself I was going to bed :P), well, he seemed so young to me! I mean, he was in his 20s, but he looked and acted like he was 16 or something. So, I'm not at all surprised now why I was so into him back then! He LOOKED like a suitable mate. (Lol that last phrase sounds so silly, but it's true!) AND, i guess that was just another reminder of me feeling rejected by the guys i fancied. Ironic in that he used to write songs back then about having insecurities with girls. I highly doubted it was true though, or maybe he was just fancying models or something.
  19. @Smophie I want to write more, but my hands are quite aching right now. :( ButBut I'm thinking that the most effective way I've ever gotten over anyone or anything was oddly by submersing myself. After long enough, the like mystery wears off. When I block them out, I'm just depressed and still think of them. :/ But if it was a situation where they got spooked by me, that would totally suck. So i know what that might be like for you as a very similar thing happened to me with my non celeb "CO". But I try to avoid acting similarly as I did with that one, so I dunno. Ok, well, it's time to rest so ttfn!
  20. oh @Smophie I relate to that completely. My CO now took the place of the irl guy. But I'm like REALLY obsessed right now! And while I'm catching up on "newer" stuff, a lot is not actually very new and he looks amazingly beautiful in the music vids and live vids and of course I somehow find these or get recs for them and can't tear myself away. It's that frozen in time younger version, although he's still good looking now, but most so about 13 or 14 years ago. (he would have been slightly younger than I am now, so yeah, that's usually when men peak. ha!) Anyway, I meant to come on here and express my need to try to cool it with him...and well, I DID stop listening to the old stuff that was triggering me most. I stopped everything actually, until about an hour ago. I thought I was clicking on an album version (with no visual), but this was a live performance that sounded good and he was just memorizing in it. And so now I'm wondering, isn't it ok to find someone beautiful and just smile when they look so cute??!! But then I read your comment about the hopelessness that I'll never meet (and also be available) that frozen in time younger version...as if I'd ever even have a chance with someone like that. ha! ahh! As other fangirls I know say, celebs like this one set the bar too high. lol God he's beautiful!! I mean, he's beautiful, and then when he puts it on, he's sexy too (that's the troublesome part hehe). But, I mean, can't I just be happy and enjoy the beauty of the world?? ;) Maybe I need to schedule my viewing time though, since lately it's been getting into other areas of my life. That's the other problem. Sigh!
  21. Starbucks, I also meant to say this, but forgot. Im sure your fella would be flattered to know you liked him. Age or not, I don't think they care that much to not be flattered, and a younger girl at that! I mean, it's not like you're illegal or anything, right? :) And still, it'd be a compliment to them! :)
  22. oh, and for the record, my current CO is Tom Delonge, former singer/guitarist of Blink182 and currently in Angels and Airwaves...just had to say it!
  23. Starbucks, It kinda sucked a bit last night, but I had a good cry and might be a bit better now (??) I dunno. Not totally though. I am not sure what to do! I want to pursue the celebrity to forget about the guy, but for all the celebs' flaws, that guy seemed to be better (??) Bleh i dunno! I mean, yeah, I just don't know the whole story on either of them and I shouldn't be caring so much anyway, so, will try not to think so much. As far as your friend, I thought that WAS the professor (??) No, now I don't remember. Sigh! Sorry about it all though. That's what worries me, that even if I "block" someone, I'll still have thoughts! Then again, I stopped listening and looking at pics of that band guy for many years and only now am thinking stuff again, so, maybe it works...but it still sucks! And I feel I'll always be stuck in that time if I don't go through this and move on...but that doesn't seem like it's really happening either since I can't find anyone else who's like more obsessed than me to see the ridiculousness of it! ha! I dunno if that makes any sense. I'm just frustrated that I don't know what to do...and yes, it feels safer with a celeb than someone I know...but now I can't help thinking, what if I bump into that one I know??! I mean, I haven't so far, so it's probably stupid. Bleh! It's just...there were some good memories...I wish I could talk about them again is all, maybe. :/
  24. ^not sure about advice, but I can say I understand it to some degree. While I have started following my adolescent years celebrity crushes on social media, some did peak at a certain time, and I can't help but think of those former times more...but, some of my COs, like the one I'm going to mention now, have remained attractive to this day. Except, maybe I can relate. I dunno. Well, here's my sitch. So I stumbled across some old music I used to be a great fan of (the music and the band, in particular one member), and I saw an old video of a song I love but had never seen the video before. I was sucked right back in to my love for this CO. So good looking it hurts!! So I guess for a day or so, I was stuck in the past (oh and the weeks leading up to this with the music/his voice), but now I find myself digging up more current things and still see the beauty in those eyes, especially. Maybe the weirdest thing is how he reminds me of a guy I knew...well, it's weirder because he was a little younger than me, more fit for someone else I knew, and on top of all that, I was dating his brother at the time. But I couldn't shake this feeling for him. I still can't! He was cute AND shared many interests with me, including the band of that guy who looks like him. Lol Crazy right? So, maybe in that sense, I'm stuck in the past...at the same time, I've seen recent photos of the real life guy and he looks just the same (except grown up, but still nice). What if? Right? I dunno! I shake off the real life guy, but still pursue the celeb, because I know I'll never even meet him to be any trouble, right? Sigh! It's just...those eyes! Like, such love and innocence there...yeah, maybe I'm thinking of that "kid" again. My goodness! I call him a kid because he's the same age as a younger I know, but it's not THAT much a difference. 4 years?? Anyway, its just all stupid...but now I'm stuck in it! And I don't want to stop per se. I dunno! Bleh!
  25. Hey folks! So today's anecdote is about a a more healthy obsession. It was another Twitter thing. My CO had retweeted a flattering post with a blushing response. Basically it was like "I adored you then and I still adore you". Not my tweet or anything, but I share the sentiment. It's funny though, I thought he was so dreamy physically back then, but now it's a more intellectual and emotional admiration. And, get this. He's a twin. And ironic how I actually liked his twin more, knew more of his twin (although they were identical so didn't even know they were twins) back in the day, but the one I'm talking of has the better Twitter personality. To further my amusement of this, I used to fancy some twins irl, but thought the ever so slightly less attractive one (although they looked very close and were "identical") had the better personality/was so much more friendly. Hehe Anyway, I just had a swoon moment this afternoon, but again, this is a healthier obsession. :)
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