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anxiousE

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About anxiousE

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  1. Starbucks, I also meant to say this, but forgot. Im sure your fella would be flattered to know you liked him. Age or not, I don't think they care that much to not be flattered, and a younger girl at that! I mean, it's not like you're illegal or anything, right? :) And still, it'd be a compliment to them! :)
  2. oh, and for the record, my current CO is Tom Delonge, former singer/guitarist of Blink182 and currently in Angels and Airwaves...just had to say it! 😛
  3. Starbucks, It kinda sucked a bit last night, but I had a good cry and might be a bit better now (??) I dunno. Not totally though. I am not sure what to do! I want to pursue the celebrity to forget about the guy, but for all the celebs' flaws, that guy seemed to be better (??) Bleh i dunno! I mean, yeah, I just don't know the whole story on either of them and I shouldn't be caring so much anyway, so, will try not to think so much. As far as your friend, I thought that WAS the professor (??) No, now I don't remember. Sigh! Sorry about it all though. That's what worries me, that even if I "block" someone, I'll still have thoughts! Then again, I stopped listening and looking at pics of that band guy for many years and only now am thinking stuff again, so, maybe it works...but it still sucks! And I feel I'll always be stuck in that time if I don't go through this and move on...but that doesn't seem like it's really happening either since I can't find anyone else who's like more obsessed than me to see the ridiculousness of it! ha! I dunno if that makes any sense. I'm just frustrated that I don't know what to do...and yes, it feels safer with a celeb than someone I know...but now I can't help thinking, what if I bump into that one I know??! I mean, I haven't so far, so it's probably stupid. Bleh! It's just...there were some good memories...I wish I could talk about them again is all, maybe. :/
  4. ^not sure about advice, but I can say I understand it to some degree. While I have started following my adolescent years celebrity crushes on social media, some did peak at a certain time, and I can't help but think of those former times more...but, some of my COs, like the one I'm going to mention now, have remained attractive to this day. Except, maybe I can relate. I dunno. Well, here's my sitch. So I stumbled across some old music I used to be a great fan of (the music and the band, in particular one member), and I saw an old video of a song I love but had never seen the video before. I was sucked right back in to my love for this CO. So good looking it hurts!! So I guess for a day or so, I was stuck in the past (oh and the weeks leading up to this with the music/his voice), but now I find myself digging up more current things and still see the beauty in those eyes, especially. Maybe the weirdest thing is how he reminds me of a guy I knew...well, it's weirder because he was a little younger than me, more fit for someone else I knew, and on top of all that, I was dating his brother at the time. But I couldn't shake this feeling for him. I still can't! He was cute AND shared many interests with me, including the band of that guy who looks like him. Lol Crazy right? So, maybe in that sense, I'm stuck in the past...at the same time, I've seen recent photos of the real life guy and he looks just the same (except grown up, but still nice). What if? Right? I dunno! I shake off the real life guy, but still pursue the celeb, because I know I'll never even meet him to be any trouble, right? Sigh! It's just...those eyes! Like, such love and innocence there...yeah, maybe I'm thinking of that "kid" again. My goodness! I call him a kid because he's the same age as a younger I know, but it's not THAT much a difference. 4 years?? Anyway, its just all stupid...but now I'm stuck in it! And I don't want to stop per se. I dunno! Bleh!
  5. Hey folks! So today's anecdote is about a a more healthy obsession. It was another Twitter thing. My CO had retweeted a flattering post with a blushing response. Basically it was like "I adored you then and I still adore you". Not my tweet or anything, but I share the sentiment. It's funny though, I thought he was so dreamy physically back then, but now it's a more intellectual and emotional admiration. And, get this. He's a twin. And ironic how I actually liked his twin more, knew more of his twin (although they were identical so didn't even know they were twins) back in the day, but the one I'm talking of has the better Twitter personality. To further my amusement of this, I used to fancy some twins irl, but thought the ever so slightly less attractive one (although they looked very close and were "identical") had the better personality/was so much more friendly. Hehe Anyway, I just had a swoon moment this afternoon, but again, this is a healthier obsession. :)
  6. I get what you're saying. I can't let go of certain things myself and kinda wish I could block it out sometimes...but I have to deal with this particular issue, so it's actually frustrating not being able to remember...but things are slowly coming back. ------- Unfortunately, I'm feeling like crap today. Only slept 5 hours. I will be trying to go back to sleep here soon, but for now I'm lonely and sad and then I'll start worrying about all the things I want and need to get done that I'll screw my sleep again. It's just utter b.s.! It's also pms. Haha!
  7. Yeah. I did manage to get to sleep at a reasonable time (i think) and could fall back asleep too, but I did still wake up a number of times. Speaking of internet, gah! This item on Amazon I've been waiting to buy because it's always "temporarily unavailable" went available today a few hours ago...but now as I try to order it, it's gone again. Argh!! So, more checking and more obsessing. :/ Oh I totally get this! Luckily it doesn't happen too often, but I had a couple of instances recently...I'm only thinking of one and I may not have been THAT angry that time, but I was kept being reminded to do something as if I didn't hear it the first 3 times...but yeah, that's a case of where I'm being a little nitpicky...there have been much worse things. I must be blocking them out right now...and how ironic that I'm blocking things out right now when I'm back in therapy needing to discuss and come to terms with these things??!!! sigh!
  8. *oh! "entitled" was the word I was looking for... and I also remembered that one such "leaders", but of a different fandom than the one I was thinking of above, DID actually deactivate their account. Fortunately, I was hiding them for awhile before so it didn't hurt me AS much, but still, it's very sad that those few folks have to ruin things. ya know??
  9. I'm afraid I'm going to have a headache here too! Been online most of the day, but am physically tired from a cooking disaster (it turned out good in the end at least tho, thankfully), so I had to come back on to relax. But speaking of crazy sleep. I'm also worried that this is going to keep me up all night again. Well, I don't mean ALL night, but last night I went to bed late as it was, and then proceeded to wake up every couple of hours thinking and feeling like it was time to get up. Like I was awake! Except funny thing, after the second time I woke, I found my tablet laid open next to me. I then vaguely recalled opening it to go online, as I do every morning, but I must've fallen back asleep before I could even shut it. Lol Crazy! Well, gonna go now. Take care all! Sending my best! ❤️
  10. No, no renewed interest. Not even questioning it because it's probably from another "CO" that reminds me of him. Lol I'm not really obsessing about this celebrity. Just think he's cute. Lol and obviously looks like my old friend. I think I was just experiencing this like when you or I get invested in a story character. They aren't even real in our world, it's fiction, but it still invokes real feelings within us. I mean, even if it was "me" in the dream, it was more like a first person type of video game. I didn't even feel like I was completely in control...although I suppose sometimes I can feel that way in real life too. Ha! Well yea, I hope everyone is well! Good to hear you are, HR! And your fandom sounds like one of my fandoms (or maybe a couple even)...lots of young folks, and some very extreme ones too. I mean, literally today there were a good few posts by "leaders" in the community saying how rude and oh, I can't think of the other word, that some fans were being and how these "leaders" almost want to leave the scene! Tsk tsk. When will people learn to have more respect?! Probably never. There always seems to be someone who ruins things for the rest of us. Well, luckily I manage to keep away from most of that drama.
  11. Not sure if it's sad or a good thing that it has been quiet here. Well, I'm going to break the silence. Had a dream about one of my "celebrity" obsessions. I had pretty much moved on from him up till this point. I suppose it could be in part to the fact that I do have a newish celebrity crush or current mini obsession, with an actual celeb who looks very much like the "celebrity" obsession...and maybe also do to the fact that I have been on the subject of "favorite persons" again, but never has that affected me emotionally until this dream. I mean, I think I'm ok upon waking...but in the dream I was so sad and so very longing to be back in the life of this person. As it turns out, I had stumbled across him and our mutual girl friend while I was on vacation. Well, I watched them for the longest time from a distance. They were dancing and it was very intense... Anyway, i don't really want to dwell on this too much and I also have a doctor's appointment in less than 30 minutes (eek!) so, I'm going to leave it at that. Hope everyone is ok and hanging in there in these tough times! ❤️
  12. Interesting! I'm going to look into these terms. I used to literally say I might be "afraid of success"...but I think my biggest fear really is fear of failure, so I dunno. Still, interesting to know it's a thing to fear success or good things.
  13. Hey all! I've been lurking lately. Still a lot on my plate right now to sign in that often. I'm sorry to hear many of you are struggling much more lately. I've had my own issues, but generally hanging in there atm...although tonight, I'm anxious...or at the very least, a bit on edge. Don't want to go into the details just now, but good wishes would be very welcomed and appreciated. ❤️
  14. Ok, thanks. Kindof a shame. I mean, I hope he's alright. I know he was struggling. 😕
  15. also (and i hope this is ok to post) anyone know where or how is @adamrparr ?
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