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anxiousE

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About anxiousE

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  1. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    @babyxgothxx didn't let us down. Habits are hard to break. Just don't beat yourself up and keep trying for next time. Remember how important it is to you to do this. I think @RiverLight has a good point. Consider the girlfriend. You've got to reign in your friendship with your crush if you want to keep it. You can do it! Maybe even just simplify it to liking his posts, no talking. See how long you can do that. In my experience, I was nearly the only one commenting constantly on my ex friends FB posts. I stood out as annoying. If only I'd backed away and backed away from the PMs. Just see how long you can do these things. Just to share a little more, I've another FB friendship I'm worried about losing one day. She doesn't like my posts or talk to me unless I talk to her first. The only way I know she has any interest in me is because we are in groups and it tells if she has seen my posts. But I haven't been posting there lately and it's been like a few months since we've spoken. She once told me that nobody is going to leave me, but that's not true. Granted I wasn't as close to some of those, but it still bothered me based on what she said. Feels like a lie, even though I know she meant well when she said it and I needed that comfort at the time. But now I'm worried she will get bored with me because I've stopped liking her posts, stopped all contact (why should I initiate all the time?) and unfriend me. Then that would really be a lie. I just wish she would check on me! She says such comforting words but it's always and only when I initiate a need. She is shy, so maybe there's that, but part of it I think she forgets about me which is so devastating when I think of er like a best friend. Anyway, I tried not to care, did the unfollow thing...the complications that she's mutual friends with others, so now I've gotta unfollow all of them. Bleh! Those others used to initiate before but haven't as much lately. I'm scared to try, scared to care anymore, but I'm afraid they'll leave me if I ignore. Ughhh!
  2. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    I'm feeling kinda anxious. There's some tension at home, plus we're all stressed about having house guests and making it a very pleasant visit for them. So yeah, we're expecting some guests by next week, so if I disappear some day, it's because I'm getting preoccupied with the hosting. They'll be here all summer so I'm sure I'll pop in once in awhile, but I've no idea how hectic it will be until they arrive. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep. We're switching up sleeping arrangements and sleep and anxiety are issues of mine, so it's what I'll likely be commenting on. Hopefully there will be some good stuff too though. Did I mention I'm back on the Zoloft? I think it's helping my mood, but there's still a lot that I've got to sort out in myself and my relationships so it doesn't solve all of my issues...but I FEEL better, as per the thread topic.
  3. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    Can't be true! Attractive on the inside makes attractive on the outside. I only say this because I haven't seen you so it's not fair to say you're good looking, but you probably are. Unless that's you in the profile pic, which is attractive.
  4. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    try the unfollow stuff now?? and again, try not to drink.
  5. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    Loved! Well, everyone else seems to be saying move on now. If you want to try the follow thing, you obviously will have to be friends again. if you do choose to ask him again, you do risk that this might just be the time he says no. That being said, I'd probably try it. Or you could try to wait longer and see if he requests you back. Again, be prepared for that possibly not happening though. Good luck either way! We are rooting for you! Ha! Well, mine wasn't a "crush" per se, although I did get crushed. It was a platonic friend and all I wanted was to be friends but I kept fearing that he'd leave me so I eventually did it first and that was stupid because by then I had said many neurotic things to him and it must've added up and he decided he didn't want to friend me back again or talk to me again. "Move on". He said it relatively nicely though. I had hopes that he might change hi s mind after some time. That was hard when I realized he wasn't going to. It was hard because I shared a lot with this person and so I felt I lost a lot. But, I am today finally starting to feel like I'm moving on, so it does come to that point eventually. Same. ha. I don't always know what to say or get here in time, but feeling some good vibes here. Thanks all!
  6. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    How I feel right now? Well, I've stopped bawling my eyes out, so I'd say better. I started back up on the Zoloft today. I'm wondering if that would have kicked in so soon or maybe I just had enough of the hopelessness and ...haha. It's gotta be the Zoloft, or some miracle. I haven't been able to turn off the sadness or whatever you call it in days! Whatever. I'm glad to be better. Hoping it stays. Sending positive vibes.
  7. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    Oh ok. Well, he's committed so while he's probably genuinely flattered you want to be his friend, but the relationship doesn't mean the same to him. It sounds like he might have some immaturity issue of not letting you go if he knows how painful this is for you, so in that sense, he may not actually be perfect. Anyway, The reason I pry and comment so is because I can relate. I thought I needed to move on from someone because I couldn't trust their intentions (even though they seemed perfect, right?), but it was very hard and I felt that same way that life is hopeless without them. Coming out on the other side of this I can tell you it's not hopeless, but it will take some time to heal. I honestly don't know what's worse, walking away knowing they won't reach back for you or having them leave you. Probably the latter, then again I couldn't walk away in my situation so that was pretty hard. They left me though in the end though, so my choice was made for me. But I was thinking if I could do anything different, I would have unfollowed them on FB rather than unfriend. Give some time to see if you can be without them, without actually being without them. Know what I mean? Stop looking at their page for a given amount of time until you feel less and less attached. Meanwhile, try to move on to other folks and things that gain your interest. Try to challenge yourself to see how long you can go without looking and don't comment. And maybe stop drinking for awhile if that's what gets you in trouble. It's a last resort. Maybe in time you can have the relationship that fits you both. Emotional space is what people would tell me and had I known it sooner, this is what I would have done. Again, don't mean this to make trouble for you, just giving you something else to try if moving on is too hard right now. I mean, if you do have a choice, I'd try this. Good luck!
  8. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    What if I get a worse diagnosis then I have?? Then again, I want some kind of diagnosis, or what I mean to say is that I know there is something the matter with me. Or what if it's just my circumstances. What if I am fine, that anyone going through what I went through/go through would have some kind of issues. Then again, I haven't really gone through THAT much. I mean, yes, I kinda changed my life completely around, but it's not like I changed it for the worse. It's just been an adjustment though. Well, I spoke to my pdoc and I basically need to be back in therapy (was finding it not to really be beneficial any more and quit recently). Thing is, I mentioned some things and brought up bpd again and it might be that I just need that specific therapy and there could be a difference. I'll think about it. I'm skeptic, but I'm in a negative state of mind as it is these days. At least I'm getting put back on the Anti Depressant...although a little nervous about having another pill around the house that could get lost or taken by the kids we'll be having as guests. I'm a mess right now! It's very stressful times... yet, these are good people. I'm sure they'll keep the kids out of stuff. I just want to be more organized with this stuff. I'm trying. I'm going to say something completely different here, and it may be biased because of my experiences but...Have you ever tried actually talking this out with your crush? I mean, it seems like others here are saying to just walk away and they may be right. But have you ever talked about your feelings with him? It does seem kind of strange to me that he friends you back every time if you don't mean something more to him. I don't want to get your hopes up or upset you in any way, because asking could make things harder if he doesn't return your feelings. I still think it'd be something worth finding out though. Unless you are totally ready to move on...and I can support that if you are. Good wishes your way!
  9. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    I see my pdoc today (psychiatrist). I hope I don't chicken out and i finally admit my dark issues. I feel so stupid about my behaviors, and maybe I fear the diagnosis, but I suppose I fear no diagnosis/no help more than having one and getting help. Wish me well!
  10. Scrolled through my social media this morning but not far enough, I guess. Didn't see my CO post anything and I flipped out. Had to scroll down more just to find the recent post. That's a little obsessive. I am so worried about getting blocked even though they don't know it's me. I would have gladly admitted it in the past, I mean I even offered. It hurts knowing someone you care so much for could think so less of you. Sigh. Sorry to keep bringing this thread down. Clearly with an obsession, the seeing of them everyday gives me comfort though. Thats the good part. But I hope one day I can let go though.
  11. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    And now I'm back to feeling bad about myself. Not even going to say what happened. Let's just say I can't take a compliment or it isn't enough or there was veiled criticism in it. Ugh! I just feel stupid. There's so much to say, but I can't put it into words. Ha! So much for being a writer. ! Maybe that's the problem. Getting so frustrated at failing at things I wanna do well. I guess I'm envious of all the talented people out there too. I feel like a waste of space sometimes. Or that's all I am, space, too much, and I wasn't even crying about the weight gain till now. Sigh
  12. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    feeling uplifted a little, although tired. Was a musical event last night that brought a bunch of us in the community together. It was and still is fun. (still talking about it) But it's superficial. (online community) Can't wait for something like this to happen in my real life. For now I have dreams and superficiality.
  13. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    p.s. today started off really s***ty. I'm taking anti-anxiety med (clozanepam) now and maybe that helped some. But I am just really depressed with my state of living because things are just so hard for me. It's getting better, but still a bit anxious. thing is, I'm reading this book about things that are really really awful and it kinda put things in perspective for me. Still sad about it all, but at least I can say it's not THAT bad. Geez! Peace
  14. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    wow! I missed it all! I'm still trying to move on from, what I've heard it termed as "favorite person"s. It really sucks saying goodbye, especially if it's not your choice. I feel like I'm getting better, but I still haven't been able to fill that void yet. It helps talking about it with others who've been going through it though. I'm currently taking mood stabilizer (well, Abilify). I mention this because of the sex-drive aspect. I have the opposite problem now. I've like little to no libido. This is not good because I'm married and want a healthy relationship. Can't remember if there was anything else I wanted to say. Still haven't gotten the diagnosis of bpd officially. I see my psychiatrist this week. I fear I keep chickening out on my symptoms or because a lot of stuff is just in my head, in my heart, it's hard to like prove it, but I feel and hurt just like many of you here and I hope we can all get some help. I'll try to check in more regularly. I'm kinda addicted to a few different forums though, that's why i don't get here as often. This is a topic near and dear to my heart though. Good wishes to you all!
  15. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    love yourself first and people will follow suit?? maybe you need to make new friends?? I'm sure you've heard it all, but I don't see why people in real life would be any different except that maybe they don't know how to talk about these things. I think it just takes a little more effort and compromise with those people. i don't always like to put in the work myself, so I get lonely (and anxious). Sigh
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