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About anxiousE

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  1. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    haha Married with Children is on in our house right now. :D
  2. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    i feel really bad (I'm trying hard not to go to the worst possible scenario, but it has crossed my mind). Truth is, I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for my husband, but it's...ok, I have to be careful here what I say. He takes care of things and that's great, but then suddenly asks me to do something and I'm incapable. I am. I really am! I believe that! I've lost all confidence in certain things...in most things. So he takes over once again...which is fine because I feel safe, but I just feel more and more stupid and useless in this world. And there it is. I feel useless, a waste of space. Sigh but I'm trying to be strong and think what I'd tell the next person who feels this way to myself, because everyone has value and even moreso if they want to feel valuable. I just haven't found my niche and I fear I may never find that in this lifetime, but that fact that there's something in me that needs discovering keeps me going. Maybe my value is supposed to be unknown to me but is known to others. I just wish I was better for my husband. that's all! i'm so sad I fail him. i fail me! but alas. I do my best. I reason that my fear keeps me from making situations worse. I mean, I know I'm an inconvenience, but at least I don't make things worse. I don't know. Just not feeling very good tonight.
  3. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    I feel alright. I'm relaxed. Saving up my energy for the week when I'll more than likely be anxious again. Sigh Hugs
  4. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    I feel like it's the end of the world in this moment. ...well, coming on here helps a little, but. I feel like the world is asking me to do the impossible. This, of course, isn't entirely true. I have at least one option (and of course the second option to do nothing), but that one option is hard and I may fail. I'm so afraid to fail! ...again! why must I go through this misery?? READ BELOW ONLY IF YOU HAVE TIME OR DESIRE like i said, coming on here helps... I want to continue writing to give myself something to do. as I write out the disclaimer though, I realize I could go to my journal and start writing. It feels different though knowing someone else is listening. somebody who gets it. I don't have a lot of people in my life that get it and/or those that do, they can't help me much. Seriously, what can I do today to pass the time and not worry about what I have to do later today (the "impossible" task). I feel so tired that I want to do something easy or at my desk. Maybe I will just start my journal again.
  5. Sorry you feel that way. I cry a lot too, but it's been getting better since I've been more open with my loved ones. I think you should be proud of your choices. Even if you make a mistake, at least you made a decision. I have to remind myself that sometimes. Although sometimes I can get away with having someone else make a decision for me. I really hope you can find someone to help you. Even if it's not a therapist, just someone you trust who will validate your choices. There has to be someone out there who will. I've just started DBT therapy. Well, I've only had one session so I haven't worked on anything yet, but it's supposed to help me with extremes, like extreme indecisiveness for instance. I keep forgeting what else it aims to treat, but it's primarily prescribed for those with borderline personality disorder. Although I don't have that, I'm willing to try anything. Will try to update this thread if and when I get more information. Good luck to you!
  6. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    hello everyone I feel ok at the moment, although anxiety is a constant battle these days. It's mostly around meal prep. I'm a nervous cook. can't remember recipes and afraid of burns or cuts or just plain ruining meals with too much or too less of that. And getting all of it done with my chronic aches and pains always creeping around. I've started to write down some recipes, but i'm anxious about not being able to follow my notes. also, anxious about an upcoming overnight hotel stay. The last one we stayed at had bedbugs. I'm nervous about a repeat of that and being so far from home. I realize not every hotel is going to be like that, but I'm afraid nonetheless because it's in the same town where I once had bedbugs. But I'm working on some DBT techiniques and trying not to worry. Yes, I got a book that shares some DBT stuff, but I'm still debating actually going to a real therapist for it. Will see how well the book does for now. Peace!
  7. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    feeling good right now. plan for the day in place and I slept well. maybe a little anxiety that I'm not anxious haha good wishes for all of you!
  8. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    i feel ok. woke up exhausted so i am not too sure i was having an elevated episode yesterday or not because i was able to sleep. this is a good thing, but I still am skeptic about my diagnosis. oh well. only labels.
  9. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    I posted in the wrong thread earlier today. I'm doing alright right now. I'd just like to remind everyone here that you're worth it and you matter and I hope everyone finds peace. Sometimes it takes us longer than we'd like, but patient perseverance can't be for nothing. Just want to send some well wishes to anyone who needs them right now.
  10. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Today? #32

    leveling out, but I was feeling kinda manic today. Stressed and racing thoughts. keeping an eye on this if it lasts. mood seems to have been elevating past few days.
  11. anxiousE

    New Diagnosis?

    Hello! I second the fact that this sounds like me. Recently, it has been defined in my diagnosed as "unspecified bipolar disorder". I've suffered more of the irritability and racing thoughts over the euphoric moments. I've read somewhere that in bipolar 2 your episodes might be more like four days long as opposed to a full week, and of course there are those that believe bipolar to be more of a spectrum and that there can be milder cases. I question mine a lot, especially seeing that I suffer more of the depressive side of it and have a family history of depression, but just today I was having this "caffeine" high feeling without the caffeine. And I'm not 100% sure, but I think the mood stabilizers (like Latuda and Abilify-although these technically might not be "mood stabilzers" but they work similarly) have helped me with my irritability and moodiness. In combination with an antidepressant (since I'm more depressed), I seem to be leveling out. I'll be testing this more as I just had a meds increase to see if that helps more. Hope this helps!
  12. @Epictetus Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I suppose labels help us understand each other a little. You're absolutely right, we are made up of more than a label though. I just thought I'd give it a whirl and see if anyone else identifies or even comes close. Thank you for saying that I've helped people. I will still continue to post in the other threads that I've been making connections. Hope you have a good day!
  13. Recently found out I've dependant personality disorder. My main hangups are fear of abandonment and fear of failure which manifest in me wanting to please people to keep them around me and I'm afraid of not being able to do that and procrastinate on things or refuse to do them. The latter may be part of my anxiety and relationship issues, but the former is the hallmark of DpD. I don't know much else on this though or how to go about help. I'm starting up therapy again soon and I see my psychiatrist tomorrow. Hope this helps, but I'd like to hear from you all. Or perhaps you'll just stop by and keep a lonely person company.
  14. anxiousE

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    Hmmmm, feeling kinda lost now too. There is so much info on bipolar and bpd, but less or none on dependant personality disorder. I know they run similar and I can find support anywhere, but I wish there were more info.