This is going to be very scattered because I’m pretty absent minded but I feel like I’m a bit out of options so I’m kind of on my last leg here. To start, I feel so down most of the time, and it’s been affecting my life more and more. It started at a pretty young age I think (14), now I’m 17 and it’s only gotten worse. I feel hopeless, even though I could see myself pursuing a decent future I just have no interest? I have a pretty nice life too, I’m pretty sure my family loves me and it makes me feel so guilty for being upset. I feel guilty about so many things that don’t make sense but I can’t control it. I feel guilty whenever I get angry or irritable, so I just keep my distance because I’m probably just a burden anyway. I want to die but I’d hate to do that to my family. I feel hated amongst my friends and get so paranoid around them. I don’t do anything with them anymore. I’m terrible at socializing and always overthink and isolate myself because I feel insecure. I’ve turned to substances to feel better, but I always end up crying profusely or just feeling guilty. I’ve currently turned to cutting, even though it still makes me feel horrible I feel like I deserve it. I’ve tried talking to guidance counselors but I just feel like a whiny privileged problem child. Whenever I try to talk about it to my parents I’m accused of wanting attention or being too emotional. It makes me feel awful for feeling bad and I just want to end it all. I’m currently taking St. John’s Wort (day and night), samE (day), and melatonin (night) to help myself and they seem to work better for nervousness than sad feelings. I’ve convinced myself to hate everything and I know it just me. My dad struggles with emotional intensity too (according to my mom) but he has been holding it in so long that it’s almost like he’s forgotten about them, making him kind of robotic…Please help, I don’t know what to do, I want to be normal.