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  1. Heck, I'm tired of livin'. Like Do i really need to live on? There are many replacements for me in the huge human population. I really find no motivation in me to continue living. Sometimes i feel like i should just die and help ease the competition, i.e., the rat race to be on top. Sometimes i don't really get how others get the motivation to laugh, converse and live on. I mean, someday each and every one of us has to die. Right? So why the hell do i need to engage myself in the life cycle humans made for themselves( Study when you gain conscience, study, study, nd study some more, the get a job, try to make friends then marriage, in the end raise children and grow old and die). Why do humans really laugh? nd how can they even laugh. As far as i have seen, humans mostly laugh at the plight of others. What is there to laugh at? I really don't understand. How can you laugh at plight of others? Many a times I feel odd one out when my friends laugh at such incidents. Due to all this i slowly found myself cutting off my friends. Now I wonder what good are friends for? I just can't understand things from their perceptions or maybe from anyone's perception. I just cant gather enough motivation to drag myself through this monotonous routine. What should i really do? I don't think i care about anything. I feel like just dying is better. I mean just what's the meaning of life? Is our life not a mistake? Are we not just living because of the coincidence due to earth forming, evolving of humans, then our ancestors meeting each other, one instance of the insane amount of possibilities? Is it not true that we believe in god, just because we want to BELIEVE that there is some meaning in life? Why should i really live? What should I really live for? I don't care for fun or experience in this living madhouse called reality. Just to survive we reproduce, But just what the hell for are we really surviving for? Why is there a need for humans to survive? I really don't get it. nd I don't think I ****in' care. Just because society expects you to have a family, you reproduce? The hell! I really don't like people preaching there is a meaning to life when they don't even know why and how are they conscious and how they are able to think. Just because we don't know how we function, we label an almighty who can do anything. Life really doesn't make any sense to me. I'm tired finding a person who could understand me, share my sentiments and explain to me. All i find are people laughing at jokes made out of plights of others, playing pranks, making merry, watching movies(why the **** do we even make movies when all their storyline is a main hero going through this and that, to save heroine or some people), watching sports(why!? i mean what is fun in watching some rich guys trying to snatch a ball from each other(!?!?) or hitting a single ball to and fro) and conversing about whatnot(The **** do i care if someone has a girlfriend or not, or if someone fell off stairs or whatever happened in your dream, I mean *** what do you think you are accomplishing by telling me all that and looking at me like if you want me to tell you about my views or my own stories abut my daily adventures). Meh, at the end i don't feel like living life like this. Don't really know why did i even write this much, guess this all make the same as my friends who (used to?)converse with me. I'm sure i would have really died by now if only my parents didn't stop me. I really don't know what should i do. Troublesome life that doesn't end when i want to. Thanks for reading, i would really appreciate if you would give an advice to me(or give me ways to end this life for once and for all so that i don't become a burden on my parents, which i currently am)
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