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saaaraaah

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About saaaraaah

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  • Birthday 09/16/1997

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  1. hi how do I quit playing videogames?

  2. I recently got bumped up from 150mg to 300mg, and it has thrown me through a loop. Triggered a severe depressive episode (can't even move sometimes) and I feel suicidal almost all of the time. I don't know if these are side effects and I should just wait them out, or ask to go back down to 150mg Anyone else go through this?
  3. I am so afraid of rejection, it affects my life and relationships in an unbearable way. I'm convinced that everyone will reject me, they're thinking awful things about me without telling me, I'm annoying them, I;m being stupid, irrational, even posting on this forum I think everyone sees my post and thinks "why does she keep posting her posts are never productive she's just feeling sorry for herself" but i just feel so alone and i dont have anyone else because i keep pushing them away. im so anxious i want to vomit I freaked out becaues my dad sent a picture of me to one of my friends and i had so much anxiety that he was annoyed and didnt want to talk to me i texted my dad about it and got irrationally angry and now i have dumb irrational thoughts that he and my friend are texting wach other about me which I know is Not Happening But I cant stop thinking about it and i want to die i dont ever want to talk to anyone again i cant handle it i tried talking about it to my mom but im afraid of what shell think so i barely even scrape the surface im so helpless i dont know what to do but no one can help me if they dont know what im thinking but im too afraid to tell anyonne what im thinking im so helpless. Tomorrow im going to school, going the whole day without talking to anyone like i normally do, then finding some coffee place to sit in the corner on my laptop and disconnect from everyone The worst part is ill wake up in the morning and ill just think about how imm absolutely overreacting to this right now and ill have to cover my tracks only to feel this exact same way some other night the next time this happens. but heres my stupid useless vent session (god sarah just get a journal instead of posting this dumb !!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
  4. I see where you're coming from. When nothing gets finished, it seems like nothing is accomplished but that doesn't diminish all the work you put into your projects. A lot of people with depression struggle with comparing themselves to others, or holding themselves to a higher standard. Although I don't know anything about your projects, I'm sure you've worked really hard on them. What I would do in your position, when you have the energy, catalog some of your projects and sort them from most easily finished to most time consuming. Then break down big projects into achievable milestones. I'm sorry if I'm just rambling about things you've already thought through. Sometimes it's good to let a project sit and take it up again later to get a different perspective, see things you didn't when you were completely captivated.
  5. I ask myself this a lot. I think that there's a biological & behavioral/social component to depression. I think there are ways to re-train the brain & it will adapt how it needs to biologically, so having a reliable support network & identifying behaviors that are caused by/contribute to depression help a lot (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) For me, it's an ebb & flow. I don't know if depression can be cured, but it can go into remission. It's annoying to think that I'll have to take extra steps and be hyper-aware of my behavior just to function properly, but it is what it is. Looking at meds, they can absolutely help. Sometimes they might lose their edge once you've been on them long enough, but your doctor can switch to a new one or up doses, there's a real lack of science to treating depression lol. Sorry if I just like word vomited a bunch of stuff you already know Hang in there
  6. Just reading this made me cry lol, thank you for asking. Taking it day by day which is all I can really do.
  7. yeah I'm not necessarily holding it against him, but he's gotta figure out the apology thing on his own lol. can always count on you to be here epic, sorry that you relate so well Thank you, I know I'm probably being emotional and thinking this through irrationally at the moment, just gotta let myself cool off for a little while. Who knows, maybe he'll reach out by then
  8. This is more of a vent session than anything, feel free to ignore :) So I failed a class and got dismissed from my management major at school, so I told my parents, sorted everything out, and am happily in another major. However, my father was beyond mad and didnt understand how I could be failing classes. I ended up telling him about the intensity of my depression, that I'm getting help for it, and that I'm on the right path now. He ended up screaming at me, telling me that the pills I take are making me weak. I screamed back and told him to get out of my house, and threatened to call the cops (He doesn't live with me, my parents recently got divorced). I haven't talked to him since, he's tried to move past it and act like it never happened, no apology, no anything, but I've essentially cut him out of my life and it kind of feels good. Sad that he can't understand, but that's his problem not mine. If he doesn't want to be supportive, then he doesn't have the privilege of knowing how I'm doing. Sad reminder of why I'm so scared of telling people about depression & sucidal thoughts, but also a reminder that the worst can happen and we can make it through.
  9. I've been looking for online jobs that are flexible but at this point I'm not sure they exist lol. Or my job searching skills are just awful. Does anyone have any examples of online "jobs" that exist, or online jobs that some of you guys have? It's definitely kind of a recurring topic in a lot of threads. thanks :)
  10. I got an email from my university today telling me I was kicked out of my major for failing a required class, which was a punch in the gut. Last semester my depression came back and hit me really hard, but I started getting help for it midway through. I only failed one class but it was the one class I needed to pass I guess. I've got a contingency plan (kind of), but I don't know how I'm going to tell my parents. They don't really understand how mental health could get in the way of school and wish I could "just get through it". I guess I just have to rip off the band-aid, but god it's gonna be painful. Part of me wants to lie about it but I know that's just not realistic. Just venting I guess
  11. hi! as far as advice, i kinda understand a little bit of whats going on, like normal things getting difficult and just being tired all the time. I always feel the worst when i feel like i have no one to talk to about things that bother me. Totally get not being able to talk with people about it though. I got a therapist to talk to & tried setting little goals for myself, not even productive goals, just things to get me out of bed. Could be get up to get water every morning. Stuff like that. this place is a good one to just vent stresses into. :)
  12. I'm sure it's just my paranoid thinking, but can doctors give you sugar pills and say they're giving you an antidepressant or anxiety medication? I feel so ridiculous thinking about how a psychiatrist and pharmacist would conspire against me to convince me my depression isn't real but here we are lol
  13. Hi, I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post this but I'm new Struggling with having to lower the standards I've set for myself, standards that I feel I shouldn't struggle with with but do. I can't reconcile that things that are an achievement to me are laughable in most people's minds. I wish I wasn't like this, and even though I'm taking steps to try to dig myself from this hole, I feel like I will never progress because my depression has made me inherently lazy & all I do is feel sorry for myself about it. I'm trying to find reasons to keep going but I feel like one day the reasons will run dry and I hope I don't feel like this when that day comes. I need support but I am too aware that I am a drain on other people's life force. I can't do it alone though. I know I have people that want to help but they don't know how deep they'll get and I'm afraid of the inevitable rejection & abandonment.
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