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About samsquared

  • Birthday 09/21/1996

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  1. Thanks for the welcome. I appreciate all of your thoughts on this. I still am confused but i appreciate the different perspectives. I never would have thought of some of this!
  2. This has been weighing on me since the beginning of the semester. Last year, I attended both group and individual therapy through the school's counseling centre. When the semester ends, so does the treatment. At the end of the year, my therapist told me she thought that though I could potentially benefit from more therapy, if I didn't go back I would be OK. I know in my head that she was trying to be encouraging and soothe my emotions because I was crying, but in my heart, I can't help but feel ashamed that I want to go back. Though I realize that I am internalizing something that was likely not intended to be taken that way, I feel like I would be disappointing her and myself by not being strong enough. Therapy has given me so many tools and now I am more equipped to deal with my emotions and I've definitely taken major steps to cope with my trauma in and out of therapy. I'm no longer afraid to ask for help when I'm feeling bad- which is why I'm here! That's all thanks to therapy. I want to have more tools like that and more support. I want the help, but I can't shake the feeling that going back is admitting that I'm weak and stupid and I can't do it on my own. Has anyone else ever felt this way? If so, what did you do to fight the feeling or how did you ease yourself back into therapy?
  3. Thanks a lot to you both. I feel better already knowing there are nice people like you here for support.
  4. This post will probably be triggering to some so be warned: if you have suicidal thoughts, it's probably a good idea to steer clear. Hi, I'm Samantha and I don't know if I'm depressed or anxious or have bipolar or borderline or what but there's been something very wrong with me for a very long time. For most of my life, even. I have tried, tirelessly, to fight it off myself, but I'm getting really tired of fighting. So tired, in fact, that last week, I began actively planning to end my own life. I feel unwanted and worthless- and I always do. I feel confused, helpless, and weak- and I always have. My life's truth has been that I don't deserve to live. But, the funny part is that I don't want to die. There are things about life that I really like- and things I tell myself that don't really make sense. I can recognize that I need help. I need help to focus on the positive things in my life: all of my good qualities (if I have any), all of my accomplishments (if I have any), and all of the love that I give and receive (which is honestly plenty). I've been trying to reach out and get the help I need in new and different ways. This is one of them. I hope I can be supportive and helpful and continue my journey healing alongside all of you. Thank you for listening & saying hi on this post. It means a lot. <3
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