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  1. @susandirsI'm sure you're right about a few thing there. I find the advice a bit disturbing though. The solution is definitely not to find someone to cling to and have them make descisions for me. I can't just stop seeing the world through my filter as you call it. Having someone to herd me around like a sheep wont just reprogram my brain, make me think differently, or solve all my problems. I'm not that weak minded. Also, I think you're over simplifying how the brain uses experiences to filter information and aid in forming thoughts and reactions. Short isn't long and I can see colors just fine. This is an anxiety issue to do with life goals and direction. If you're a psychologist or a student, you just got your analysis wrong. How would anyone around me know what I want when even I don't? That just doesn't make sense to me. I may be vulnerable and have anxiety about what to do next but I'm not a brain dead sheep. I'll go out on a limb here and guess that you do not feel similar to me, but also your solution is harmful.
  2. I used to be so good at making decisions. I worked a very high stress and important job where I made big decisions daily. Now, I can't decide the next track to put my train wreck life on. When I think about major decisions I just get anxiety. Before, I used to be motivated and driven with ambitions, I viewed everything as a goal. I was organized and on the rails. Too many traumas and a mental breakdown later, I'm a different person now. I no longer have motivation or ambition- my only goal is to not be homeless and hungry. I don't know what I want out of life. Truthfully, I don't want life at all. So any time I'm faced with a decision that has any weight, I panic, mull over pros and cons, and try to avoid any action at all. I'm incapable of picking a direction because I'm scared to go forward. I want someone else to chose for me. Though there's no one else, I'm on my own. Anyone else feel like this, or similar?
  3. This is so interesting to me because I've felt similar. Not quiet as you described but close. Everything looks and feels fake, and the feeling on missing pieces of my soul- but they were not lost, rather given to people I loved. It's strange to have a perception of reality that sort of extends beyond this world. I took it to mean spiritual things, like straddling life and the world outside of life. It is dissacociation I guess, but it usually always had deja vu too. It was destracting from my need to function. I would talk about it too much and people thought I was crazy. I sort of started to will it to stop. Any time it would start taking over I would ground myself mentally and pull myself present. A therapist told me to take a minute and pay attention to each sense individually. What am I hearing? What am I smelling? What am I tactically feeling (my clothes, the chair, etc)? What am I tasting? What am I seeing? Usually I close my eyes through them all and leave seeing for last. It helps me to close my eyes and allow the fake world to disappear while I focus on other senses.
  4. Oh man, that's no fun. Vicks vaporub works pretty good on coughs. It's basically eucalyptus in petroleum jelly, but it helps clear congestion. I think the jelly makes it last longer than just eucalyptus oil on its own. You just smear it on your chest and throat before bed.
  5. Oh right, I didn't think about that. I'm new to antidepressants. The natural sections at the grocery or the natural foods shops should have something that could help and not interact. But for me it's my nose that would keep me up the most, and the nasal rinse really helps that. So maybe you wouldn't need any medicine to stay asleep. The bath is hot and relaxing, and you can breathe better after nasal rinsing so hopping in bed then could be enough. *Minty smells helps keep you clear too, so eucalyptus oil on your chest can help with the nose and coughing. *Tylenol is probably safe if you need to reduce a fever or ease a headache. *Sore throats can be difficult too for staying asleep. Chloraseptic spray temporary numbs it and can be good for at night when a hot drink isn't sensible (like at 2am on a work night).
  6. *Home made bone broth. Not store bought, but the real deal. It is full of nutrients that boost the immune system and sooth digestion. *Citrus fruits throughout the day. Rather than juice. You need actual fruit, high in vitamin C. It will momentarily relieve congestion and again provide nutrients. *Loads of tea and water. As much as you can manage. Good for flushing the bug out. *A hot bath with Epsom salt. It relaxs and detoxifies (legit, it's chemistry). Good for getting the bug out. *Nasal rinsing. Several brands and designs out there. It flushes saline water through your sinuses and cleans out mucus and bacteria. It provides relief and helps rid your body of the bug. *Lots of rest in a warm nest. Sleep is where you do your real fighting. I usually take a nightime cold medicine like Alka-Seltzer or Nyquil just something over the counter to help you stay asleep and reduce symptoms. The theme is nutrients, elimination, and sleep. Feed yourself with good real food, tea, and cleanse with epsom salt, nasal rinse, and water. Sleep sleep sleep.
  7. The dentist did some additional work in my mouth without my consent and now my retainer doesn't fit well. He changed the shape of my front tooth without asking me! He didn't even tell me he was doing it! I'm upset.
  8. You sound like you would make a great vet tech. You know why? Because that's what you're good at. Because it's what you like, and want for yourself. If your goal is to be a vet tech then don't let this obstacle stop you! The hard things are always worth doing. You can find another school, find creative ways to pay for it. You don't have to give up on yourself because your dad won't pay. You can pay. You can find a way. Don't give up, push back. When the world pushes you around you have to lean in. Swim upstream. I believe that you can make it happen no matter what. When I was a student, I was sexually assaulted, my family fell apart to drugs, and I couldn't get student loans. So, I went to therapy, started a babysitting business, took 2 years off school to save up and become emancipated so I could get loans, and finished my education. I'm now a scientist with a masters degree. But my God was it hard! So much trauma, and no help from anyone. But I did it and I'm certain you can too. I believe in you reaching your goal, if you believe in you too. You can really do anything. ❤
  9. I'm having trouble with sleep lately too. It feels like insomnia comes in waves for me. It takes forever to fall asleep, slight waking multiple times during the night, and up before my alarm. I think my antidepressant is giving me nightmares too. I don't normally have bad dreams unless I have a fever, but lately they're happening a lot. I know looking at LED screens has been proven to disrupt sleep, mainly the stimulation to the eye makes it harder for your circadian rhyhm to catch onto the fact it's bedtime. Happy lights for SAD provide the same stimulation on purpose to energize you. I'm usually reading or watching netflix on my phone in bed, so I know this is a habit that I should stop. Also, if the bed is only for sleeping and sex, that's supposed to help you sleep better too. Spatial association with activity I suppose. I know these things, yet I don't do them. Ugh. It's hard.
  10. Well, if you don't think you're depressed then depression probably isn't causing this issue. A medical explaination is probably closer to a quick fix anyway. Depression as the cause would mean you have to dive deep into your deeper emotions to uncover what's going on with you. Meditation and talk therapy are good places to start with that.
  11. I mean, I'm not a male, so I'm not 100% on how your bodies function normally. But I feel like you would know if you were depressed. I feel tired, fatigued, and have no self worth. Depression makes me reclusive, lose interest in doing anything, I don't even leave the house on weekends at all. Depression makes me cry, feel pain, lose sleep, or sleep too much. In my experience it's not the kind of thing that goes undetected by yourself if you're aware of yourself. It could be mild, but it's still emotional- you would feel depression. How do you feel?
  12. Medications can cause issues such as this. Or other medical issues undiagnosed like thyroid disease or something. But if there was a sexual component to your terrible experience maybe your sexuality has shut down to force you to aknowlege something that happened, or how you felt in the traumatic moment. What about your dreams? Are your dreams remembered? Impressionable? Strange? Any changes in your dreaming since the libido decrease? The subconscious communicates in dreams I think, could be worth paying attention there.
  13. Was your traumatic experience sexual in nature? I have been the victim of sexual assault and it has affected my libido and relationship with my sexual-self. You sound like you're out of touch with your own feelings, thoughts, and body. Have you tried any meditation? Perhaps you're very unaware of yourself and subconsciously you need to deal with something. Depression does cause physical issues that are otherwise unexplainable. I have severe abdominal pain for no medical reason. I had a friend once that when you asked her if she wanted to do something she would pause for a minute, closer her eyes, and search her feelings. I thought it was great, she was taking a minute to see if she wanted to say yes or no. Perhaps you need to pause, and spend some time searching your invisible self to see if there's something that needs your attention internally. Often we experience something horrible and feel ok afterwards, but over time it could surface as being a bigger deal afterall. I repressed memories from my childhood and at one point they just came back to me, some of them anyway. I think as a coping mechanism I blocked them out until I was prepared to face them. That could be happening to you. Not the repression necessarily but subconsciously this could be how the "memory" is coming back. It's the bobber above the lure jumping to the surface so you know to look deeper to find the hook.
  14. I was just feeling like something is wrong with me, that I'm either still depressed dispite medication, or I'm extremely lazy. Every weekend I feel like I don't leave the house. I work, but often use my pto for days that I just can't bring myself to leave the house. I live in a dry cabin, meaning a cabin with no plumbing. So I have an outhouse and a jug by the sink for water. I have to use the laundromat and shower at the gym. But because of this intense desire to not leave I end up neglecting showering, laundry, groceries, until I litterally have no choice. I wash my hair in my sink, but when I run out of water I'm forced to go haul more, or not wash. During the week when I work it's better, I shower after work and come straight home. But the weekends, I don't want to take care of things I need to because I don't want to leave the house. I watch movies, read, and sleep pretty much the whole weekend. I struggle to even brush my teeth. People invite me to do fun weekend things and I end up making excuses as to why I can't do it last minute. I'm antisocial. I'm a hermit. I'm lazy. I'm depressed.
  15. I agree with this, that's why I suggest having the school investigate. You can have a private conversation with the teacher, or social worker at the school. Your family wouldn't need to know. If someone else gets involved, you got the ball rolling but didn't burn the bridge. If you tell them they'r terrible parents you come off as hurtful, judgemental, unloving, and mean. You get the school looking into it, your family doesn't have to know it was you, and the spotlight and social pressures get put on the situation. It could be win-win.
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