VTLife

Well, a week ago, it officially fell apart. As with any breakup, I have been left very hurt, sad, confused and filled with regret. And I am having so many doubts about all of this. She entered a very dark place over the past month and I was not always the most supportive -- mostly because I was worried to death about her and because I was threatened by the male coworker she had been spending late night hours with. I worry that her depression and/or anxiety made her put up a wall that prevented me from reaching her and because she did not have anyone else to talk to about all of the problems in her life, she turned to this guy who she developed an emotional attachment to...and now she has kicked me, her fiancee, to the curb. Either that, or she was actually cheating with this guy in the classic sense and did not know how to break up with me due to her anxiety, so she simply was stringing me a long for the last month. Something changed, a switch was flipped and this girl who I have been with for four years became a different person. Her anxiety was so bad, that I did 100% of the grocery shopping. It went from that to her leaving the house every night at late hours by herself -- which was unheard of throughout our relationship.

My fiancée and I have been together for four years. We have had our problems in the past and have typically been able to resolve most of them. For the past two to three weeks, however, it has almost seemed as if a switch has been flipped in our relationship. This last month or so has been marked by her being extremely critical of nearly every component of our relationship. Any effort to discuss this generally is met with a prolonged, unproductive fight that spirals downward very quickly. She brings up around a dozen or so things that I have either done wrong or have been unsuccessful in fixing in our relationship. She is bitter and resentful towards me. She frequently leaves the apartment after our fights to hang out with a male coworker until after midnight. She says that she feels hopeless and that she cannot envision a future for herself -- with or without me. I feel as though she is pushing me away and I cannot seem to get her back. The only happiness she finds is in the company of other people. She has suffered from depression and anxiety in the past but it has always been manageable. I have started going to relationship counseling. I have asked her to go but she absolutely refuses to. She also acknowledges that she is slipping into a deep depression but she refuses to seek treatment. I am at a loss. I love this girl. She says that she cannot move beyond or get over my shortcomings but she also will not break up with me. I am becoming very depressed myself being in this limbo for so long. I have not always been a great partner and I have my share of flaws that I am working on. I am at a loss for what to do. I know that there is a lot that I need to work on in my life but I feel like we can overcome our problems. She is much more pessimistic but does not want to break off our engagement. It is also worth noting that we just moved to a larger city (she has agoraphobia), she just started a very stressful job, she is taking college courses and she has been getting cluster headaches every day. I need help. Everything I do is wrong and I am slipping further and further into a depression as each day goes by. I have never felt so hopeless. If this is how badly I feel, I can only imagine what she is suffering through. Any help or advice would be appreciated. Our relationship may be doomed but I want her to find happiness.