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About EternallyAlone

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    gaming, music, not much else anymore

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  1. EternallyAlone

    feel so alone and nothing helps

    Yeah I know I'm in no position to get involved with anyone, I guess it's just wishful thinking that having someone would make a difference. As I mentioned I did have a brief online thing going once and it made me feel great, but once I found out that a relative of mine died that just made me completely break down again and everything else fell apart too because of it. There was a time in my life where I just didn't care about finding someone, I didn't want it at all and wanted to completely avoid relationships so I really wish I could get back to that mindset. More than anything I probably just need to find a good friend again that I can just talk to and do simple things with, I don't think it's a coincidence that my depression became worse when I became distant with the few friends I used to have.
  2. I can't relate to having someone in my life or with having kids since I have neither of those, but I also am someone that just feels completely alone. I like to think that it's mostly from not having that special someone, but I have a feeling it's also from not having any friends left. I simply sit in my room all day everyday wishing I had that someone special or that one good friend that would be there for me, but I have neither and just like you I feel lost and alone and about as sad as can be. I don't know if I can really suggest much, but maybe try being more open about it with your husband and family and really let them know the truth. Hopefully by doing that they will help you and comfort you in those times when you just feel down. I know how hard it can be to speak up, trust me I can't say a thing about it when face to face with someone. You at least need to try and say something more though, let them really know what's going on. If it's hard to speak up about it then do like I did and write a note explaining things if verbally telling them is too tough. Just let your family know and allow them to help you as much as they can. Also I'm not too good socially, but you're welcome to message me if you need anyone to chat with. I know how you must be feeling, to me loneliness is the worst feeling in the world, so if I can help just by being someone to talk to I would be happy to try. Either way I hope you're able to find your way out of this and find your happiness, so take care and I wish you the best.
  3. EternallyAlone

    feel so alone and nothing helps

    I'm at a point in my life where I really don't see much reason to go on, I'm just completely alone and don't know what to do about it. I have a couple of friends online, but it seems that someone that is just a friend isn't good enough. I went several years of my life just wanting to be alone, so I've never had a real girlfriend or even had any dates or anything really. Now that I want to find someone it seems like it's impossible. First off I have no job anymore and can't push myself to get one, so I couldn't take anyone out anywhere or do anything with them or do anything for them. I still live with my parents, that's real attractive. I'm such a mess mentally that I don't even think I could offer any sort of support to anyone, so what do I even have to offer someone? I'm probably an ***** for thinking this way, but I feel like I just need someone in my life or I'll just never be able to get out of this. What can I do though? I signed up for a dating site earlier this year, I don't even think anyone has looked at my profile or if they did they probably turned away anyway. I had what I thought was a nice online relationship going for a few months, that actually made me happy for once, but I slowly started to see that the other person wasn't actually into me like they claimed and it became clear they were doing it just for the attention. I've tried meeting other people online through the forums I use, and while at least 90% of the people that are willing to talk to me are females most of them don't even give me a chance at a simple friendship. I guess I'm not interesting enough for most people no matter how positive I am or how happy I pretend to be. What do you do when you feel like you will never have the one thing you really think will help? I've dealt with this depression for over 15 years now and have been on medications and therapy, but those just made me feel worse and didn't help at all. I tried reaching out to the friends I thought I had outside of the internet, but as soon as I mentioned my depression they became distant. I tried reaching out to my oldest sister on Facebook for help, but she stopped replying to me. I've tried a couple of notes to my parents, including one a few days ago, but they just don't seem to care. I've realized that there is simply something missing in my life, but it seems I can't have it. I really feel like I can't do this on my own, but there's no one there that will help. I just feel so alone, and I can't stand it anymore. I don't want to live this way but I just can't do anything about it, I've wanted to **** myself but I don't have the courage to even do that. I went with my username because it's just how I feel things are going to be for me, I feel I'm just cursed to be alone forever.
  4. So I'm 34, and have struggled with depression from around the time I was 15. Up until around May of last year it was never really serious, but then everything just hit me all at once and I really fell apart. I quit school when I was about 16 or 17 because of it, I went from being an honor student to just not wanting to go. I lost what has been my only job because of the medication I was on at the time, it brought out a lot of anger within me which didn't do me a lot of good and I got myself fired and I can't find it within me to look for another job. I can barely talk to people because of it, socially I'm a complete disaster so I only have maybe three friends which are all online and I barely talk to them. Over the past year I've been in therapy briefly and was also put on another medication, the therapy did nothing at all and the medication just gave me suicidal thoughts which I still suffer from. I'm just really lost right now. I've tried so hard to make new friends over the last year just to have someone to talk to, hoping I could meet someone I could talk to regularly and that would understand me, but I fail miserably every time. The worst of it all is that I really want to find the right person for me and eventually have a family of my own, but I've never really had a girlfriend. No matter how much I feel I need that in my life I also feel that I should never be involved in a relationship. I have nothing to offer anyway and I know I would be a terrible partner for anyone, so I feel stuck since I believe that I shouldn't and will never have the one thing I want the most. I had a brief taste of an online relationship not too long ago that actually made me happy while it lasted, but of course as with everything in my life I ruined that and once it ended I just fell apart again. Obviously I don't expect to find someone here, though it would be nice to make a friend. I just no longer have any motivation or anything that will push me to try and get better, and I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel completely alone even though I do still live with my parents, and that loneliness has pushed me to the point of wanting to give up. Well thank you for anyone that actually read this, I could have said more but I don't want to say too much. I don't expect it, but if anyone would like to try and chat feel free to send me a message. I'm not the best person to talk to, but if anyone else just needs someone to talk to I'll try my best.