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All Plaid Out

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  1. All Plaid Out

    The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Man, being in education while also being depressed is a nightmare and not enough people understand how difficult it can be just doing the bare minimum. Pretty sure everyone back in college just figured I was slacker. Still, I believe in you! Use the sweet promise of Voltron to selfmotivate and kick your homework's ass.
  2. All Plaid Out

    What was a small victory you had today?

    I'm glad for you! Did you feel better for the food?
  3. All Plaid Out

    Tell Them Off Here

    To the barscum-for-brains drunk who demanded I illegally serve him alcohol: GET SHANKED. You intimidated my staff. You were verbally abusive to our security guard. You caused a huge ass scene because I wouldn't serve you or your scudbucket friends booze on your way back from the alcohol festival. Thanks to you refusing to leave our shop I finished up work FIVE HOURS late. All because you were too stubborn to know when to get. Thanks for throwing me into a downward mental spiral because your own life is presumably such a waste that you gotta try and ruin mine. The adrenaline rush and subsequent comedown after running around keeping tabs on your disgusting friends and making sure nobody tried to reenter the store while we waited on police that never came ****ed my head over at a time I was off my meds. Not that you know or care, because retail staff are just funless gits stopping you from getting sloshed, amirite? Trip on a paving stone and break your ****in leg.
  4. All Plaid Out

    what are you watching right now?

    I'm watching my way through Brooklyn Nine Nine. I overheard my sister watching in the other room and asked to join her, now I'm hooked. I'm on season 3 right now, comedies like B99 are exactly what I need when I get home after my evening shifts. But man, I'm jealous of Amy's sleek hair. How does she or the show's stylists get it that perfectly shiny???
  5. Would you say it's worth watching if you haven't seen the first film? (And don't care enough to back-watch it before heading to the cinema for the new one?) I've never seen Blade Runner, but I keep hearing good things about this one and I'm in need of a good sci-fi flick.
  6. All Plaid Out

    The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    I feel...not so great. Since I've been off my meds the past few weeks (my bad for messing up my doctor's scheduling), my moods have been up and down like the least fun yo-yo. I decided to start a new journal tonight, to chronicle the thoughts that are too heavy to share with my friends or bf, but that I don't currently have a therapist to share them with either. It was a good idea: seeing my more negative thoughts on paper, it was easier to counter-argue them and find reasons to discredit them. Everything does NOT suck. But I do still feel pretty sucky. I ended up writing a long vent-letter to my bf that I may or may not show him (depending on how crazy it sounds when I reread it later), confessing to him my fears about my deteriorating condition and feverishly stressing that I love him, even if my illness starts to make me withdraw or act atypically as it has done in past before we met. Also, I haven't seen my best friend in weeks and I miss her...I could really use one of our down to Earth mental health chats right now.
  7. All Plaid Out

    Just got a job today, and am very nervous about starting

    Congratulations on getting hired! New jobs can daunting, especially if you've had past bad experiences... I'm sorry to hear you were bullied at your last workplace, I can't imagine how hard that must have been. But remember, you're at a completely new place, with new people. I'm certain you did nothing to "deserve" being bullied (nobody deserves to be harassed at work), so there's no reason for the incident to repeat here. If you DO have problems with any of your new coworkers, speak to management as it is their job to make sure you are safe and respected at work. Make sure to read your colleague handbook if you received one. Try to be patient with yourself, too. It takes time to acclimatise to new roles, especially when you're depressed, so try to accept that mistakes may happen at first, but that practice and increasing knowledge of your job will help you overcome them with time. I work retail too and sometimes I find it exhausting having to make friendly with customers while I'm struggling to keep it together, but remembering to smile will help a lot (and might actually help you feel better since smiling — even if it's not totally sincere — has been proven to lift your mood. We smile when we feel happy, so if you force yourself to smile then it triggers that association to good emotions in your brain! It might take a little time to become comfortable with your new coworkers, but just be polite and try to join in conversation when you feel able. You shouldn't feel entitled to disclose your depression to anyone, not even your bosses, if you feel you don't want to, but it may potentially help if the others understand what you're contending with.
  8. Welcome, shadowheart! I'm only a couple days here myself, so we're both newbies. But your "I don't think my depression is as bad" line lights a big fat warning light in my head, because it's that exact mindset that kept me from seeking help for so long. I read countless articles trying to figure out if I was depressed, or "deserved" to be helped. I didn't think I could possibly be depressed, because depression was when you felt so low you couldn't shower or even get out of bed. I fooled myself into ignoring my suicide ideation and decreasing enthusiasm for my hobbies: I was being over dramatic, right? There was nothing wrong with me... Uuuuuntil suddenly it became very clear that there WAS something wrong with me, that I totally should have reached out for help for sooner rather than later. My doctor prescribed me antidepressants and gave me a self-referral form for counselling on my very first visit. It's difficult shaking preconceived notions of what it means to be mentally ill or not, but I'm trying to learn that looking after your mental health is just like looking after the rest of your body, and that it's better to get things checked if you're in any way concerned. Suicidal thoughts and extended bouts of sadness are more than enough reason to see your GP, and I'm willing to bet their response will be the same as my doctor's was: suggesting ways to help you manage these problems. Please never feel like your illness is too non-serious to reach out for help for, looking after your brain is important.
  9. All Plaid Out

    I Feel Like a Lost Cause...

    No parent should tell their child that they're a lost cause. And listen to me: you're not. You're still a kid — fifteen?? That's hella young! You're not even halfway though your life yet, AND you have a mental illness. I think you're entitled to some leniency when it comes to screwing up. I'm 25 and I'm still making mistakes at work, knocking myself into completely avoidable depressive funks, and bumbling through my relationships. The only difference is that I've been doing it long enough that I now know not to worry so much when I fall, because I will keep getting back up. And hey: so will you. It's super that you've gone over a year(!) without feeling suicidal. That's a good sign of progress if there ever was one, but please don't take feeling those urges once more as a sign of failure. There will always be ups and downs to your mental health...which sucks, but the pro is knowing that, even if you're down now, you'll be 'up' again in the future. You have a lot of time to grow, make mistakes, get better, and keep finding good experiences amongst the bad, so hang in there. If you feel suicidal, contact your counsellor or a helpline, or perhaps a friend who can help give you some support. You will get through this. Being a teenager and dealing with school and being unable to navigate the world on my own terms was the worst, and I know you probably feel like the weight of your world's on your shoulders, so it's important to keep reaching out for help while remembering you won't be stuck in this same place forever. Wishing you all the best, please don't give up on yourself.
  10. All Plaid Out

    I’m new

    Welcome, Starglazer1! It sounds awfully tough balancing motherhood with depression as troubling as yours sounds, and I'm so sorry to hear that your meds haven't been working out for you. Losing your hair sounds rough. A handful of my friends have cited good experiences with Sertraline (I myself am on the same medication, but haven't been on them long/consistently enough to see a change), it might be worth a look-in? In any case, if your meds are just making you feel worse then you should DEFINITELY speak to your doctor about other options. Have you considered any kinds of therapy or support group? If you can afford to — or if you have family or friends nearby who can help out — would getting a sitter some days so you can spend some time to yourself be a help? It might be beneficial having some space to breathe, so you can focus on yourself rather than having to be constantly watching over somebody. You say you do better when you're busy, so maybe a new club or local or internet-based course could help get some structure back in your life.
  11. My boyfriend showed me one of Community's DND episodes and yes, I agree that it was aces! Although...the one bit that threw my nitpicker self was the DM making all the rolls while nobody in the party so much as touched a dice the entire game. I get that the choice was probably made to streamline the process (and that the only die this group of one-time adventurers would have had between them were likely the unloved d6s stashed away with an old board game someplace), but it seems way tedious for the poor DM. At least throw some cursory spare dice around the table as props-! It was no less hilariously relatable, of course. I keep hearing good things about Stardew Valley, I should look into it. From the barest little I know about it, it looks like a cross between Animal Crossing and Harvest Moon. Or Farmville. (Freaking Farmville...) I have Animal Crossing on my 3DS, and it's a chill little game to play when I'm down (but not so down that just digging in my bag for my handheld feels like A Hassle) since it's incredibly low obligation — at least if you don't care about villagers moving their houses about and wrecking your meticulously planted flower patches. I'm happy to hear you've found these forums useful! Depression's such a weird beast: statistically we know that way many people are going through the same things we are, but when the illness is so invisible (and insidious in the lies it tells you that you're the only one not managing to handle your life properly because you totally suck) it's too easy to feel like you're all on your own. So far it's been sobering to see so many threads around that echo my own concerns and anxieties, so I hope they will be just as helpful to me too. omg yes, Warhammer is one nerd culture bridge I will never, ever cross. Serious question, is 40k called 40k because that's how much you need to spend just to participate at a basic level?? Forking out £20 for the DND player's handbook was expensive enough for me, and I got mine way cheaper than you'd normally find it on the highstreet. Do you think you'll ever re-venture into any other kinds of roleplay? I've actually found DND helpful with my own depression, since our campaigns occur on a weekly basis...thus providing me a sense of weeks passing rather than feeling stuck in an infinite and soul-crushing work loop (I don't have set days of the week off, so it's easy for me to lose track of time and thus start losing my mind). It gives me something to think about throughout the days leading up to our sessions, and encourages me to socialise even if I don't really feel up to it, which inevitably winds up for the best every time. I also get how the sense of obligation could just be stressful for some people, however, especially if you can't find a group that's chill enough, or whose sessions fit with your schedule. Right? I appreciate that (most) people just want to help, but nobody can snap their fingers and fix us. And when people constantly offer suggestions rather than simply listening to what I'm telling them, sometimes it starts to feel like the message isn't "I care about you and want you to feel better"...but instead "hurry up and get rid of your problems so you can quit burdening the rest of us with them". I've found fellow sufferers are much more empathetic and ready to listen and empathise, and when advice *IS* offered it comes from a place of genuine understanding rather than "I read a bulletpointed list of depression 'cures' online and now I'm going to regurgitate them to you and expect you to nod and be grateful for my wisdom." My boyfriend and BFFL both suffer mental illness and have been real MVPs, but even with friends and loved ones who suffer depression I sometimes feel wary of sharing too much. I'm not the only one who's struggling, and I know how exhausting it can be to carry other people's problems when you're having trouble handling your own. At least on a forum like this one we're here expressly BECAUSE we want to talk about our illness, so we know what we're getting in for and can also step back whenever we need a break. But still, I'm uber salty about recent conversations with an otherwise close friend who 1) did little but offer empty, flippant advice, 2) attempted to compare my lifelong apathy for life and occasional bouts of what I suspect to be psychosis with the shortterm depressed period she experienced during her unemployment (not to say situational depression isn't sucky or worthy of sympathy, because of course it is, but the tone of her comparison and her patronising little comments about "but you gotta push through" made me feel really invalidated), and 3) quickly flipped discussion onto the depressive bouts of our bipolar ex-mutual friend for seemingly no reason other than "I mean, look how cray SOME people get", which is honestly disrespectful af to both of us. I really needed her support, so even though it's been weeks since that chat I'm still p*****. Legitimately impressed you're managing that without causing your phone/tablet/laptop some serious water damage, but I feel you too my dude. Sometimes I just want to sit in the bath and stay there until it evaporates around me (I think the finger pruning would be too excruciating to bear, however). Have both my sympathy and a virtual brofist.
  12. Hi! New member here! I'm a 25yo woman from the dreary UK, and I just reached out for pro help after years of on-off mental health symptoms of fluctuating severity. I'm on Sertraline...only I've been off my meds for 2+ weeks now, because the whole "having to fit in monthly review appointments" schtick is new and clumsy territory for someone who right now barely has motivation to kick back with a videogame after work anymore. Other than being depressed I also do DND (my current character is a foul mouthed Fighter called Clarissa) and draw, when I feel motivated. I'm hoping to find a support circle I can lean on during the times I'm worried about burning out my (pretty understanding) IRL friends. If I can find depressed popculture obsessives, then all the better.