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ghostwriter89

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  1. Well, the first one I had a few years ago was bad, and this most recent one was terrible too. So, I am in search of another :/
  2. I found her attitude towards disabled people very judgmental and ignorant. That particularly upset me. I have struggled throughout my life (school, work, life in general) with bullies, and she certainly was one. I hope that you find a therapist soon who is caring and can help you. Thank you, that means alot. I have worked very hard in the short time I have been alive, and it's awful and frustrating that I can't work anymore. I am sorry that you are struggling as well :( I hope that things get better for you. It may be a system issue, you could be right. Thank you, I have just been through the wringer and I am ready to get out of this part of the country forever. No, she didn't really ask much about the past. She was just like, "Okay, what's going on today." I am going to work on finding someone who is caring and kind, and hopefully this mess is resolved soon. You are very kind, your words alot to me. Sometimes I don't feel cherished by the world around me. I know that life was supposed to be better. If it wasen't for my SO, I don't know what I would do. You guys are so understanding, and it helps me so much when I come on here and people get what I am going through.
  3. Thank you. I agree, and I am still shocked that it happened at all. Actually, I also thought that both instances were odd, and in my experience with bullies, they are all hallmarks. I went over our conversation in my head many times, and it was strange to me that she had wanted me to stand up to her. I just don't think that therapist and client shoulden't have to duke it out. Whatever. I fired her. I'm going to try to get a hold of a therapist that will be a better fit for me to today. A lot of people are toxic, and I have had to remove many from life in the past. I'm trying not to let this bother me, but it really does because I was completely disrespected and on. Thank you, I hope very much that I find someone kind as well. I am super happy that you have a kind, compassionate therapist. She sounds wonderful.
  4. She worked for herself, not an office. We all handle things differently. If it had been an establishment, i would have said something. I have done so in the past with other doctors I have had (non therapist.)
  5. Oh my goodness, that is a terrible situation :( :( I am so, so sorry. I hope that your ankle heals soon, and as for your doctor, what an awful person!!! There are so many people in the medical field that should not be. I have my share of horror stories. I hope that you are able to see another doctor soon. Again, I am so sorry!! I can't deal well with conflict either and I know how you feel. I feel as though she was lashing out at you :/ Maybe she was upset about something else and took it out on you. No matter the reason, it is totally wrong and unfair.
  6. Thank you for your kind words :) I actually emailed her today, simply saying that I was not returning and that I wanted to find a better match. She was polite, but short, and I could tell she did not really care. I don't need someone like her for a doctor. There are two possible places that I could go for therapy, and I hope to connect with one of them tomorrow. I spoke to the coordinators there and they recommended specific counselors for my needs. I will keep you guys updated :) Sometimes I feel close to the breaking point, and I really hope with all of my heart that my next therapist is actually kind, calm, and caring. The woman I went to should not have become a therapist. I hope that it is the beginning of a chapter in which I finally get the (caring) help that I need.
  7. Thank you for your kind words. I re-read them today and it really helped me. My therapist really hurt me today, and I'm trying to deal with it the best I can and remember that it is not my fault.
  8. Hello, I am sorry that you are struggling with this. It sounds very painful and confusing, and, it is something I can relate to in my own way even if I don't play video games. I think that any safe and legal hobby/activity is fine to do as long as we manage our time and make sure that we do a variety of things. For me, I am pretty addicted to writing. I have written two books and am working on two more. I really don't know what to do with my life either.What I would say to you, is to find a job that you love to do, and to keep working on your dream as much as you can in all of your free time. Never give up on your dreams. You don't have to be social to be happy. There are many eccentrics out there who love to just do what they love, and it doesn't NEED to involve others.Sometimes, your own company is the best kind :)
  9. ****I meant this as a response to a thread.****
  10. Today I wrote 3+ page of my book, went to my therapist which was a disaster, stood up for myself, watched Johnathan Creek.
  11. Today, during my session, my therapist yelled at me today and was very nasty. I told her that she was being really Biotchy and I asked her if she could give me a list of other therapists, as Iv'e only been seeing her for less than a month. After that, I began to cry really hard and she apologized many times, and agreed that she was being a Biotch and that she was sorry. I know that I was being stubborn before she yelled at me, but I have been having severe depression/anxiety and I'm really mixed up inside about a myriad of issues, past and present. We made up and feel that her apology was geuine, and that she was proud of me to put her in her place. It felt really mortifying for me. I'm from the East coast, where people/therapists are really New Agey and low key. Here in the midwest, most of my doctors have been rude [email protected]#$%$%s. I feel as though she and other doctors here do not understand me, or fully get the weight of the issues of how mortifying it is to be away from my home. God, after leaving there I felt so much more awful. My SO was really worried about me, and I cried in the car and in the bathroom of the restaurant we went to afterwards to pick up dinner. I am going to go back, to give her another chance, because everyone has bad days and I could tell she was having one. I am also going to give her another try because there is just almost no one in this area who takes Medicaid. It is a serious, freaking problem. There are many problems with where I live (for me) and we are moving to one of the coasts next year. I want to go back to the east coast so badly, but I will run to either just to get the hell out of here. No one seems to understand the things that upset me. I think that part of the problem with my therapist is that we have not discussed my past almost at all, and it is vital that we do because my present issues are nearly meaningless without going back through my 28 years of life. She finally spoke in the calm voice I had asked her many, many, times to have. I had to break down and cry before she did this. I felt really angry that she kept saying that she wasn't going to coddle me. "I KNOW," I told her. "I just want you to speak calmly and be gentle." I wasn't looking for someone to hold my hand and all that I just wanted kindness which I explained before we even met. I feel angry, hurt, shocked, and mortified that we had this upsetting discussion today. She said that it was good that we had it, and I think that she understands more about my issues now. I think she does cognitive behavioral therapy if that makes any difference. I have trouble with confrontation and being angry with others. This is because I have childhood trauma involving shouting, alot of it. I just don't get why people can't be gentler with each other, goddammit. Especially doctors. What do I do if she continues this hurtful behavior when there is practically no one else I can see? I think that she is an innatly good person, and I hope that we can work together but sometimes I feel like she dosen't get me, and our personalities are very different. I don't mind being challenged, but it is the approach that scares me half to death. I feel like a piece of . I feel like everything I am doing is wrong. She said that she thought that all disabled people could work, and that I could work (I have applied for SSDI/SSI) and have worked many, many, jobs and tried so hard throughout my life in all areas. I feel like I am at the end of my rope with life, with therapists. I can't wait to get the hell out of this Fr***ing part of the country because I have had a really hard time, I miss what I know, and I have been hurt by the doctors here. I feel close to a breakdown.
  12. Thank you guys :) I am starting to feel better. I want so much to start therapy again and to feel better. It is so important to me that I have a kind therapist who cares. It means a lot to me that you guys took the time to help and offer your own advice and experiences. It's comforting to know that there are nice people out there :)
  13. Today I took a walk around our apartment complex and am slowly working on my writing.
  14. Yesterday I cried quite a lot, and I slept very well and deeply last night. Sometimes, not always, but sometimes after I have had a good night's sleep I feel emotionally better.
  15. I am going to meet my new therapist tomorrow and I feel really nervous and scared. I am from New England and temporarily live in the Midwest, and have had some trouble getting along with others here and that fact alone makes me feel really anxious. The last therapist I had was really horrible and made me feel worse, but I am struggling with my mental health and need to see a therapist. I really need someone who is kind, compassionate, and gentle and I'm really worried that I will get another therapist who is not very nice. I am also concerned because she said that she takes Medicaid yet she said that sometimes there are extra fees for paperwork and other things not covered which I don't understand because you are not supposed to ever bill Medicaid patients. Does anyone have any advice from their own experiences with all of this? I am in a very fragile and anxious state and meeting new doctors is really scary for me.
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