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Posts posted by raiindrop

  1. I used to encounter the same situation too, until I decide to start setting some boundaries and cut those people out of my life. Whenever I'm interacting with people these days, I'll compare the way they treat me vs the way I treat them. If I treat someone with kindness but they decide to repay me back with cruelty, then they will have to get out of my life.

  2. 6 hours ago, Grant500 said:

    My girlfriend and I have been arguing over something. Let me know if you think I'm right or wrong.

    So about 2 years ago, my girlfriend mentioned that she would like to learn how to play bass guitar. I had already built 2 or 3 musical instruments so I thought it might be a good idea to build one for her. 

    We went to a music store and she tried out several bass guitars. We found the size, shape, sound, look, etc. on several bass guitars and I made a design that combined features from several different ones. I bought the wood, electronics, tuning pegs, paint, etc and started working on it. I cut out the wood, glued it together, wired the electronics, drilled holes for the bridge and tuning pegs, pick-ups, etc. A few weeks later, we had a big birthday party with all of our friends that I presented it to her. She seemed ecstatic and everybody at the party was happy. I was very happy and in good spirits. She seemed really happy that I would go to the trouble to build her something. 

    Since that day, about one year and nine months ago, I would say that she has sat down and played the bass less than 5 times. Never more than 15 minutes at a time. I've tried sitting down with her and showing her techniques, I've made charts for her of the notes at different positions, I've shown her scales. I've bought her books that just sit on the shelf collecting dust. I don't get it. She refuses to play it. The craziest thing to me is that even over this whole quarantine thing where we're all stuck inside, she refuses to play it. I spent 20-30 minutes when the quarantine began showing her scales, techniques, etc. assuming that she would practice them on her own. In my opinion, if I take time out of my day to show you something and then you don't practice it, that's extremely disrespectful. She'll complain about being bored so I'll say "why don't you play your bass?" and she won't do it.

    The bass has brought us nothing but unhappiness. 2 or 3 pretty big fights were caused by the bass. Everytime I look at it, I get sad. I've told her numerous times it would make me happy if she even spent ten minutes per day playing it and she won't even do that. It's gotten to the point where just looking at it, makes me sad. It just reminds me of what a failure I am. It's a symbol of unrealized potential, wasted effort, failed dreams.

    Since my girlfriend is getting nothing out of it, and it makes me sad, I suggested that we destroy it. My suggestion was to just take it out into the woods somewhere and have a big campfire. Take all the metal parts off and throw it in the flame. My girlfriend got really mad. My argument was, if I owned something that made her sad and I wasn't using it, I would get rid of it. 

    I don't know. What do you think? Maybe I am the one being a jerk. Let me know what you think I should do.

    I think you're probably overanalyzing this entire thing. Your girlfriend is probably like me,  the type who gets lazy easily and often does things based on "moods". I doubt your girlfriend hates the bass, but she wasn't playing it because she haven't been able to get into the right mood. I feel like I can understand where your girlfriend is coming from. I love piano a lot, but there are days when I just don't feel motivated to touch the piano at all.

    And this doesn't have anything to do with how much I love piano, but it has more to do with my moods. When I'm in a bad mood, I just want to laze around and not do anything at all.

  3. On ‎7‎/‎1‎/‎2017 at 2:47 AM, ArnoldJRimmer said:

    personality disorders suck.
    they suck for those around you and they suck big time for those who have them.  mine is anxious attachment.  meaning if i think that someone i love is leaving me i freak out.  i cling hard to those i love because i fear losing them, but in the process i lose them because of my reaction.  it becomes a train wreck of the person withdraws so i cling harder and harder in panic.

    i cannot stop it without help..lots of help.  if i see it happening i can control it a while but i need the help and understanding of the subject of my clinging, im not saying to let me do it but please dont give up.  unfortunately that is usually the last thing the person wants to do at that point.  they just want the clinging to stop.

    especially if the subject of clinging is an avoidant personality type.

    its to the point that id rather d1e than get into another relationship because the same thing will only happen again.  I cannot lose yet another...i cannot give my heart only to see it treated like something vile rather than the best i can give.

    a word of advice to any dealing with a clinging person...please dont give in to the advice/temptation to simply ghost on them.  silence is a torture chamber where thoughts run wild and every possible scenario will be played out in technicolor glory.  by all means, be blunt about the behavior and how it suffocates you.  just please keep trying to talk.  if there needs to be an ending, know that the pain of loss is less than the slow death of silence.  you dont deserve the suffocation clinging brings but remember that the person clings because the past has taught them desperation instead of calmness.  they can learn a new personality..it is possible.  it just takes time.

    I'm anxious attachment as well. I think I'm quite good at spotting people with avoidant attachment and I pretty much avoid them these days.

    These days I only surround myself with people who have secure attachment style. People who doesn't trigger anxiety in me, I find myself spending more time around them.

  4. I just signed up for this volunteering event next month. I'm only out of my house 3 days a week for my part-time job and I've been thinking of pushing myself out of the house more often, and that volunteering event seems to be my stuff as I happened to be into arts and the theatre. I signed up for 2 shifts, so yeah I'll be at that event for 2 days. I just hope I have enough energy for that and won't end up cancelling it. Also, I've been thinking of working my part-time job until April or May before I start quitting it for a full-time job.

  5. I'm feeling really terrible. So I recently have this long-time friend of mine who is upset at me and started ignoring me after I came out of my hermit depressed state. Being ignored by this friend of mine reminds me so much about how I lost a close friend of mine to this similar incident a few years back. They just get so upset at me for withdrawing from them that they refused to talk to me again. This makes me wonder if they have ever cared about me in the first place, given how they are so quick to cut me off.

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