Night Owl 1

I feel numb. I failed a class last semester, but I haven't reacted to it yet. Normally I would be really depressed, but right now I just want to forget all about it.

When the counselor at my school found out about my depression, I was called into her office. We talked and I completely broke down and I had to tell my parents. At the time I was really wishing that they never found out. I was not ready to tell people. It has been a couple of months since that happened and I try not to talk to them about it. I don't want then to ask me if I am okay because I feel awkward and awful inside.

I don't believe money has anything to do with being depressed. If you think about it rationally, then every country in the world used to be a third world country and I'm pretty sure depression is not a new thing. Your opinion does matter and no matter where you live, you still have feelings.

There are a few people who know I have depression and even fewer who know I cut. After most of them found out and the initial blow out, I just ignored the fact that they knew. I don't start conversations about how I am feeling and hide my scars from the world. You could say I am faking it all the time. Here is the only place I tell the whole truth and face reality. I know I have depression, but I keep my mask as firmly in place as possible. Your post just reminded me of how much I am pretending everything is OK.

It is okay to hate this world. It is far from perfect. In fact, I would say that there is not a single perfect thing about it. It is also okay to talk on and on. You deserve to vent. When I started to research depression online; that is when I realized I had had it for awhile, but the physical signs were just now appearing. I have thought about ending it all, and what I would have to say is to wait. There is something out there that you enjoy, even if you dislike movies and sports. Personally, I also hate sports, but I enjoy music and anime, along with novels and writing. If you do try to **** yourself, all I got to say is wait until there is no one who cares. No family, no friends, no coworkers, and no me. I care and so do your parents. That is why they let you be a burden to them.

It has been awhile. I have relapsed. Now I barely even want to have physical contact with people. I am withdrawn. Thanks for the support, but I don't think I can do it.

I do not really get what you were saying about the quote. It must be because I am an ignorant *****. If you want to talk, feel free to send me a message on this site and I will reply as soon as possible. There is just one thing I need to say to you right now. I'm crying. Not because I know you, but I feel the same way as you do.

I get what you are saying. I also find that I need my friends just to keep me sane. My problem is that most of them are not in the same grade as me and I do not see them very often. If I had a tip for you, I would have to say, try to make more friends. There has got to be the right kind of friend out there that you need; you just haven't found them yet. I am not saying you friends are bad, it is good that they accept you, but even so, in there mind it is a chance they don't want to take. (I'm referring to the staying over part.)

Sorry for the wait. I haven't been doing well lately. It's just all this schoolwork and not being able to sleep properly. I did start to socialize more and made a new friend, but I live out in the country about a 25 minute drive from town, so things have not changed that much. The stuffed animal idea sounded good, but I have no such thing. My personal belongings mainly consist of books and things I wrote of drew. I will get around to some of the other suggestions soon, but I am having trouble just staying afloat with my schoolwork right now. Thanks for the hugs and here is for you guys. "HUGS all around".

I am no expert but it does sound like she is depressed. What I would also look at that you didn't list is also how long it has been going on. The longer it has been the more likely. What I would need in that situation is a purpose. Another thing besides depression, but still linked to it could be jealousy. I have a sister close to my age, but younger and I get jealous that her boobs are bigger, but that is only a minor case. To me it seems like your sister might feel inferior because of the condition she is in compared to the ones around her, so she is most likely depressed.

As a female I can't relate to you as a guy, but I do feel that wanting to be dominated is not a bad thing. For me, I also classify myself as bisexual even though I do not have experience, and my fantasies also have similar situations but in the opposite role. I want to be the one pushing down a girl, or even a guy. So don't worry too much about your desires and accept them. Now, if you decide to act on them or remain only dating girls, that is completely up to you, but to get through this you need to accept yourself and then decide your own path. That is the best advice I can give you right vow because I have not made it past accepting myself yet.

Thank you all for you hug and the advice. I do have to say that of the friends I do have, most of them don't like hugs very often. My siblings don't like me being huggy or they are going through a phase right now. The free hug shirt idea is something I didn't think about, but is a great. Recently, my family also literally just got a dog that fits in my lap, so it helps a little.

Well, I tend to distance myself so if I go around asking for hugs than my family will think something is wrong and I have no excuse besides just being lonely.

Right now I am bi-curious, but I say it like that because I have absolutely no experience dating either gender. For me I guess I look at their personality whether there male or female and talk to them based on that. For you I would say just not to worry too much about their gender and just fall in love. In the end, after you get experience with whomever you like then you can define yourself as whatever you wish.

I don't necessarily have no goals, it just feels like I never move forward. I have so many things I want to do that I can't get anything done, and I lose the focus and courage do do it. My dreams feel like impossibilities that will never happen no matter how hard I try to work. It is a cycle I can't escape.