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  1. Sad
    nhaar got a reaction from JD4010 in November 2   
    I went to ER today, but the wait was too long. I couldn't bare being there so I left. I actually can't remember going there I just suddenly realised I was there.
    I met a general doctor who sent me to ER. I told him my drug abuse. 
  2. Like
    nhaar reacted to Floor2017 in November 2   
    I'm so sorry to hear my friend that you are experiencing some difficult times
    right now.  I hope things get better for you and have you consider going to
    the ER to get some emergency help.  I don't know but it might be different
    there than it is in the United States.  In the US if you are having similar problems
    like that the ER admit you right away.  Hang in there my friend and I hope everything
    turn out well for you.
  3. Like
    nhaar reacted to JD4010 in October 31   
    Two things: 1. Don't give up (yeah, easier said than done) and 2. I can't believe the arrogance of some doctors.
  4. Like
    nhaar reacted to LonelyHiker in October 29   
    "I am lost in nothingness"
    These five words are the perfect summation for my life as well.
    I hope your doctors/therapists can help you pry yourself out of this block of numbness..
  5. Thanks
    nhaar reacted to Lindsay in Welcome to my diary   
    I'm listening...
  6. Like
    nhaar got a reaction from LonelyHiker in October 29   
    I am sorry you are going through this emptiness too @LonelyHiker. We'll make it somehow. This can't continue forever. 
    I slept five hours after taking some sedatives. First snow had fallen during my sleep. Everything is white, silent and calm. Just like my mind now after taking more sedatives. This is how I cope with this. 
  7. Like
    nhaar reacted to LonelyHiker in No longer   
    I'm sorry you're struggling so badly @nhaar ... This disease is brutal and unforgiving and none of us deserved to be saddled with it..
  8. Like
    nhaar reacted to Annafairlady in No longer   
    Thank you dear one. Prayer with no real faith? Is it meaningless? A Christian friend has told me not to worry about that. She says God knows what’s in our hearts and even if we can’t pray (depression is the great thief of this in my case) the Holy Spirit takes over, according to God’s will. I know when I pray in absolute faith - long time past - God does hear and He does answer. I now pray for the faith I so desperately need to be able to reach the Lord. Please join me. Come as you are....
  9. Like
    nhaar reacted to Floor2017 in No longer   
    Keep your Faith my friend and Never let it go Regardless of what happens in your life
    or what does not happens.  Your faith will give you the STRENGTH to go on.  
  10. Like
    nhaar reacted to Floor2017 in No longer   
    Well, said my friend and I pray that you be given the strength to accomplish
    everything you set out to do in faith my friend.  Here's a hug from one friend
    to another.  
  11. Thanks
    nhaar reacted to JD4010 in No longer   
    Wow. I'm sorry for the hell you are going through, @nhaar. Like most people at this site, I can relate to much of what you wrote.
    Thanks for posting this.
  12. Like
    nhaar got a reaction from JD4010 in hey God   
    Wow JD you have far more experience on this than I've got. I asume you haven't found an answer but you've come very far living this nightmare. Sometimes I wish I had real faith. Especially today. Meaningless and insignificant enough to test my faith in my life.
  13. Sad
    nhaar reacted to JD4010 in hey God   
    Same question(s) I've been asking for 50+ years now.
  14. Like
    nhaar reacted to Floor2017 in No longer   
    Hang in there guys and I hope things gradually get better for you.
    I will keep you guys in my prayers as I pray today for y'all to be
    given more inter strength to go through these difficult times that
    y'all are experiencing.  Hugs for my new friends that struggle along
    with me in this battles of the mind.  
  15. Like
    nhaar reacted to Annafairlady in No longer   
    I sure feel for you. I have unipolar depression so I can’t relate to your hypomania but for the rest ... I’m a master of the art. I live a lonely life. And often I feel that if I still had my husband around, I wouldn’t be depressed. But then I remember how it was just as hard when he Was around. Maybe worse - because of expectations I couldn’t meet. I’m in a very dark place now and have been for a long time, so I can only empathize with you. With whatever is left of my heart. I prayed earlier. Intensely. But what use is prayer without faith? Real faith? Blessings and strength to you dear fellow warrior.
  16. Like
    nhaar got a reaction from JD4010 in Autumn is here   
    Yes, Finland is where I come from 🙂 I am truly blessed to be born in this country. I've also got some relatives in Sweden. 
    It's quite cold here now. September and the whole summer were very warm so cold and crispy weather feels good now. It's getting darker day by day, December being the worst if there isn't any snow. Hopefully we get some in here capital area.
  17. Like
    nhaar reacted to JD4010 in Autumn is here   
    Hey, are you in Finland? If yes, I'm jealous. 🙂
    My mom's family is from right next door in Sweden.
    I love autumn. The weather finally cools down and the humidity goes away. Normally, anyway. This autumn has been unusually warm and humid. I hate it!
  18. Like
    nhaar reacted to Floor2017 in Social networks and bipolar disorder   
    Thanks, my friend for sharing this with us it can indeed help our family
    and friends to know how to respond and to look after us when we are
    going through.  You are truly blessed to have so many caring and
    compassionate people in your corner.  
  19. Like
    nhaar reacted to JD4010 in October goals   
    I see many goals that I should be taking to heart. Thanks for posting!
  20. Like
    nhaar reacted to Floor2017 in October goals   
    I love it and I will adopt your goals 
    as well to help improve my overall 
    well being
  21. Like
    nhaar reacted to Floor2017 in Her illness, my illness   
    Wow, My friend I am so sorry that you had to experience depression and mental disorders at
    such a young age.  However, I don't believe yours will get as bad as hers because we now
    have better drugs than we had back then and now doctors understand mental disorders
    better now than when your grandmother was being treated.  Try not to let the demons of
    your grandmother past to  effect your present.  I know it want be easy but you do have a
    advantage you know what to expect and you know all the signs of mental disorders.  So
    you can jump on them before they get to far and advance in your mind.  I hope that you
    have a much better experience with your mental disorders than your grandmother experienced.   
  22. Thanks
    nhaar reacted to Floor2017 in 12 months of madness   
    Wow, you have been through so much 
    my friend, I hope from this point on
    you can begin to feel much better and 
    experience the high side of life instead 
    of the very low end of existing 
  23. Like
    nhaar reacted to Floor2017 in 15 years and he doesn't even know me   
    I’m sorry to hear that you are having 
    difficult times right now my friend.
    Hang in there my friend and I’m praying 
    for you to have a peace of mind and 
    a comforting spirit.
  24. Like
    nhaar reacted to nirah007 in 15 years and he doesn't even know me   
    hi @nhaar please don’t say that you are to blame. It’s ok to make mistakes, the important thing is u did your best and it was a very good effort given the situation u were in. Ur a good team, u and the kids. I’m still trying to get to being a good team with mine, and reading your post gives me hope. It’s not easy, it’s painful, it hurts, but hang in there, just keep swimming.
  25. Like
    nhaar reacted to JD4010 in So long self-esteem!   
    Wow. I see many familiar themes in there. I'm on the verge of losing my position as the head of a unit too. Poor job performance. I'll admit to sucking quite badly.
    I have very low self esteem as well. I went bald at the age of 19, back when lots of hair was in style. Now I'm just this old bald guy who looks like so many other old bald guys.,
    Anyway, I wish you the best with your return to work. Wish we could all win the lottery and be done with work.
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