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medschoolsucks

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About medschoolsucks

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  1. I'm getting depressed again

    Update: Still depressed out of my mind. About 65% of programs have sent out interviews and I only have a handful. I'm trying to study but obviously I have C portion of SIG E CAPS...confused and disoriented. My sister stopped talking to me because I'm a terrible person to talk to these days; I'm extremely down. I'm afraid to go on the few interviews I have because my self esteem doesn't exist right now. If you start talking to me about my board score, I can't help but break down. It's not fair that other people are seen as better than me just because they got 3-5% more questions right than me on one freaking test. I hate medicine, I hate myself, and I hate the fact that I just keep torturing myself. I did this to myself four years ago, and it's like deja-vu all over again. I feel bad that my parents continue to support me so much, I don't deserve it. I feel so destroyed inside. Nobody sees the all the good I actually did in medical school, they only see me for one bad score.
  2. I'm getting depressed again

    No, it's ok. Like clockwork, every time I have to take a standardized test or apply for the next level of my career this always plays out. I probably won't be treated fairly, and I'll continue to feel worthless. I just needed to vent. I'll be ok. Thank you for responding and listening to me vent.
  3. I'm getting depressed again

    Six years ago I applied to medical school. I got rejected the first two years I applied because I had bad MCAT scores and only applied to the top 25 medical schools. I retook the MCAT and got into a top 50 medical school on my third attempt. It ended well, but I was so depressed in the interim, getting rejection after rejection and feeling like I was worthless. It was the worst few years of my life between finishing undergrad and starting medical school. Flash forward to now. I'm applying for residency in an extremely competitive field. I have a very solid academic record, however, again my standardized test score is not the best (you can't retake this one). It's been a week and I see people getting interviews and I am getting none. I don't feel like going out of house when I don't have to. I am in a fog in the hospital. I don't have the energy to call my parents or siblings. All I do is sleep on my days off. I'm like a SIG E CAPS waiting to happen. Again, I'm starting to feel like I'm worthless because programs are passing me up. I hope someone didn't write something bad in one of my letters or another red flag I don't know about. It's more than likely my test score, something I can't do anything about now. It's like a re-run of my life a few years ago. Some things never change. Sometimes I wish went down another path in life. This whole medical school thing has royally destroyed me. I know those kids getting invites are no better than me, they are actually far from it, but their standardized test score is likely better than mine. Right now, it's just impossible to make me feel good about anything.