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all_riled_up

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About all_riled_up

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  1. Hi all! I know this is an older post but I was wondering how you're all doing? You've described so well what I've been going through and I'd love to hear more about your progress! I was diagnosed with BPD a couple days ago after ~5 months of therapy and I'm relieved to have something more solid to go off of but I'm also really scared. And like some of you have described I don't meet all of the criteria for BPD: I don't experience intense anger, I don't tend to be overly impulsive, I don't cut or self-injure to that degree, and I've been able to maintain most of my relationships. Because of this my friends don't think I have it and that's causing a lot of distress because I really like my pdoc and trust him more than I have other mental health professionals, so I want to believe him. And the rest of the symptoms fit me really well; I actually started crying when my pdoc asked me if I experienced those things because it felt like finally someone finally understood. I just don't know who to trust/ listen to. I don't even know if I can trust myself, if that makes sense. Has anyone else dealt with this too? I'm really sorry I derailed this convo, Cass87 I really hope you've found support & stability: thank you for starting this thread & giving me a little solace about my experience :)
  2. Psychiatry/Psychology : A Sham

    I'm so sorry to hear that you all have had such discouraging (and in some cases damaging) experiences with psychology/ psychiatry :( My degrees are in psychology & sociology and it makes me sad to realize how many people have been failed by the field. I've certainly had a good experience with my psychiatrist and I sincerely hope that you all will encounter that soon too! I've been working in psych research for about 5 years now, and I can't speak to the general efficacy of drugs, but I do feel very disappointed by the prevailing culture in my industry. Maybe culture isn't the right word, it's more an issue with how research is conducted. It's common knowledge that in order for a study's findings to be considered robust, the study needs to be conducted a few -if not several- more times to make sure nothing is interfering with the results. Unfortunately, nearly all research is grant-funded and the persistent trend is to award grants for *new* ideas and NOT for re-evaluating prior research. So this means that a lot of data contradicts other data because not much of it has been replicated, and sadly that leads to conflicting information & public confusion. Long story short, I'm not surprised that psychiatry has let so many people down when the science behind it is constantly in flux. And I definitely don't mean to detract from the wonderful progress that has been made in the field, it has certainly been a godsend for many! I just hope that the research industry resolves this issue sooner rather than later so that we have more conclusive data, better diagnoses, and improved treatments. And I really hope that if you've benefited from psychology that it continues to help, and if you haven't I hope you experience success soon!
  3. Hi all! I catch myself thinking about this a lot but so far haven't been able to answer: am I chronically tired/ shaky/ apathetic/ detached/ etc because of the medication (so maybe I should decrease the dosage) or is it the depression showing through (and I should increase the dosage)? I've been on an SSRI for about 4 months now so I don't have much background in sorting this out, and I know that my problems won't disappear with a pill but I don't really know how to work on these side effect-type issues. Has anyone had luck figuring out ways to tell what's the depression vs the medication? Or even if you haven't figured it out, any experience/ advice/ anecdotes would be so appreciated!!
  4. Hi!! Welcome to the forum, this is a really great place to get support! That's really, really awesome that you went outside your comfort zone & got a job at a new place!! The fact that you challenged the boundary that anxiety created for you is a testament to your strength!! And you're certainly not alone: I catch myself over-analyzing everything I do when I'm in social situations, I'm sorry you experience that too :( I know it's easier said than done to "not care what people think," so my therapist and I have been discussing how you're only responsible for you and you can't control how other people interpret/ react to you. All you can do is be kind, be yourself, and do your best, and most people will recognize & appreciate that :) I hope you find camaraderie here & see brighter days ahead! We're here for you!
  5. Just wanting support

    Hi engine3! Like Breakingjr I think really only had the tight muscles in my jaw but I have mild persistent neck pain in general because I carry stress between my shoulders and it radiates up. Have you considered that your headaches & neck pain may be connected? I've definitely had tightness in my neck cause a stress headache before and found that heat reduced it pretty well: do you have a heating pad? If not you could try taking hot baths! Congrats for making it this far, hang in there! I've had a lot of success with the zoloft so far (about 3.5 weeks in now) but the last couple days I've been trying to taper off of the trazodone and it's causing insomnia/ giving me a lot of daytime anxiety. I'm worried that it's going to make me have to go up on the zoloft but I'd really like to stay around 100 mg, so that's adding to the anxiety. I'm just hoping the trazodone withdrawal eases up soon :(
  6. Hi all! Yesterday I decided to begin tapering off trazodone & I was just wondering what other people's experiences have been! I've been taking it for insomnia since July when my pdoc suggested it as a non-habit forming sleep aid (even though it's an SSRI). I initially took 25 mg, then a week or so later moved up to 50, then 75 for a couple months, and about a month ago I started taking 100. Now that the insomnia is under control I want to taper down and ideally be done with it altogether. Last night was the first night of a reduced dose (50 mg), and I slept ok (all things considered), but I did NOT expect to have withdrawal symptoms. I had crazy night sweats, startled awake a lot, and today my anxiety was so high that I started questioning whether my antidepressant was working. I think I'm making the right decision, I'm just really nervous about what's to come while I taper down, so any experiences/ advice that people can share would be so incredibly appreciated!! Hope you all are having a great week so far!
  7. Please ignore my empty response above, I was responding to some troll was on here earlier and it looks like he was deleted (yay!)
  8. obsessed with my breathing

    Hi Lilnewk! My heart goes out to you for going through this, especially while you're pregnant! Hopefully you're able to find relief through these forums: you're no alone in the struggle against depression/ anxiety/ OCD! For starters, do you see a general practitioner for your medication or a psychiatrist? A psychiatrist could be a great resource for you to lean on right now, as they've seen every kind of disorder manifestation in the book! This may be particularly helpful for you since you say you have a history of OCD, so you may need assistance in breaking old habits (I know I have). I also suffer from OCD tendencies, so I very much understand your concern & the feeling of "if I don't do this right now something terrible will happen." I've had a similar experience with loud heartbeats, especially when I'm laying in bed trying to fall asleep. You said that this has happened in the past, so remember that you've gotten through it before, and you can certainly get through it now! You're stronger than the intrusive thoughts! Plus you've been to the ER & everything checked out, so fall back on that knowledge if you get nervous! Also, the fact that you're so aware that it's in your head is very useful! Imagine you're putting a spotlight on your anxiety and saying "I see you there, and I know you're just anxiety. You won't fool me into thinking it's something worse." If you're able to exercise maybe consider going for a walk or something similar to get your heart rate up: it might feel nice to have your heart rate increase because you're exercising and not because you're hyper focused on it. As far as what's best to get rid of the intrusive thoughts, it's really a person to person thing: if distraction works well for you then you should capitalize on that! Something else you can look into that's helped me is guided meditation (you learn that not all thoughts are worthy of your energy). And in general try not to put all your eggs in one basket: I remember when my anxiety was really bad I'd get a new "relaxation tea" and then if it didn't calm me down I was even more distraught. The likelihood is that one thing won't help fix it, but trying new strategies and accumulating tools along the way will! Hope you start to feel relief soon!
  9. I'm not religious, so I've found that having faith in other people is really therapeutic for me. There's no denying that there are some bad people out there who do terrible things, but there are just as many (hopefully more) honest, genuine, good people, and they're the ones I try to pay attention to whenever I feel jaded about mankind. I know this may seem kind of naive and stereotypical ("look for the good in others", etc.) but when you start applying it to your everyday life you notice the good more. I've tried to pay more attention to the things that people do to help others, especially those they don't know. For example, the people who were at the concert in Las Vegas & could have run away (nobody would have blamed them for doing so) but instead they kept running into the fray to help people out of the line of fire. Or the thousands of nurses and carpenters and electricians who flew to Puerto Rico to help with the recover efforts. Hearing about these things restore my faith in humanity piece by piece and help me understand how worthwhile life is. As far as personal existential crises go, I've also been there. I study space as a hobby, and had always enjoyed that awestruck realization of just how big the universe is... until this summer when I had my first depressive episode. I was laying in bed fighting insomnia & reading about the vastness of space when suddenly it occurred to me that I am so, so small, and in my lifetime I might only see 1/4 of this planet (if I'm lucky), never mind our solar system or galaxy, and that weight of the unattainable was crushing. And I have to admit, it took me several months to move past it, and in that time I could hardly look up at the moon or the stars without feeling a panic attack come on. But in a weird way the thing I was afraid of was what helped me feel better: yes the universe is enormous, and despite being infinitesimal as I am, I get to be alive to experience it. So I try to think about that anytime I feel down or disheartened about life, because in the very least I get to be here. And ghostwriter89 put it really well: the point of life is to find the joy in it :)
  10. Just wanting support

    Hi Breakingjr! Glad to hear you're doing well, I can only imagine what a relief that must be compared to when you first posted this topic! And congrats on almost hitting 2 months!! That's really impressive, sticking with a medication is challenging on its own, let alone having to wait out the depression too. I definitely started missing my morning coffee as well, and not even for the caffeine! I just wanted the routine and I love the taste of coffee. So I've been making myself a cup of decaf every morning for about a month now and it's been really wonderful to have that to look forward to again. If you notice caffeine still being an issue maybe you can opt for decaf instead! But otherwise that's awesome that it's working so well for you! I'm sorry to hear that you missed your therapy appts, it sounds like you're really busy! Sometimes being busy like that is its own kind of therapy, you know? You're too focused on work to be distracted by the anxiety/ depression: I've noticed myself enjoying work & actually looking forward to it because I don't obsess over my mental health the way I do watching tv at home. Tomorrow will be my 3 week mark on the zoloft and I've been feeling really great, I'd say 80% back to normal! I'm so thankful that I switched from the lexapro, which admittedly was helping some but nothing compared to this. I feel like I'm slowly getting my life back and it's such a relief. And hearing your continued success with it makes me all the more optimistic that it'll continue :D
  11. That's really funny, since I've never played DnD I was blithely unaware of any inaccuracies haha. I'm glad you were still able to enjoy it though, I know how those pet peeves can ruin an otherwise fine show/ movie. One of my hobbies is studying NASA so any movie with inaccurate space travel irks me to no end. And not fictional space travel like Star Wars or Star Trek, those are fine: it's really just anything that tries to mimic real space travel but doesn't do it accurately. Armageddon is one such offender lol. I've never played Harvest Moon but it is indeed very similar to Animal Crossing as far as having a community of townspeople and farming. I would DEFINITELY say it's more along the lines of Farmville, but without the gimmicks or micro-transactions. The great part about Stardew is that it's designed to be very relaxed, so neighbors won't ruin your stuff or anything. There are buffers built in so you don't get stressed out about stuff (for example, your plants won't die if you forget to water them, they just won't bear fruits/ veggies until you do). And this is just my opinion but I think there's a lot more to do in Stardew compared to AC: I've played about 50 hours so far and Steam is showing that I'm only at 20% completion, if that gives you an idea of the scope of the game. And yes! The way you explain the sense of community is great, just knowing that you're not alone makes a world of difference! I hope it's been helping you & that you're doing well!
  12. SSRIs & hair loss?

    Thanks lonelyforeigner! I should probably just get some blood work done anyway, I've suspected for a while that I'm anemic and I've heard that can cause hair loss too -___-
  13. Hi all! I started taking an SSRI this summer in combination with trazodone for sleep & the very occasional klonopin; I've been noticing a lot of hair in my brush/ near the drain in my shower. Is this a typical side effect of antidepressants? Or maybe the depression itself? Or is it something more sinister that I should pay attention to?
  14. Just wanting support

    Hi bigbee! You're not alone at all! It's so nice to have camaraderie through this forum! Is this your first antidepressant? I had terrible start-up side effects with my first AD, and my psychiatrist said that most people who've never taken medication before can feel particularly sick. I found that the majority of my side effects went away within about 5-7 days so I hope you have the same experience! And YES! Insomnia was one of the worst depression symptoms/ AD side effects for me & I've found a few tools along the way to help! -Before bed try to avoid screen time & opt for a book or magazine instead. -Invest in a soothing tea (caffeine free/ herbal) to help you unwind. -If you notice your symptoms are worse after caffeine, maybe consider cutting caffeine from your diet (I found that it helped me sleep better but also made my daytime anxiety easier). -If you notice noises are keeping you up/ waking you up, get a noise machine (I got mine from Amazon for about $20) to drown them out -If you find yourself watching the sun slowly rise, get a sleeping mask (again, mine's from Amazon for about $10) -For the night sweats try to sleep with layered blankets so you can peel them off throughout the night I actually take trazodone as well and had the same experience as you, it didn't work very well at first. But after about 1-2 weeks I saw significant improvement! Do you think that the buzzy/ panicky feeling cmight be from the sertraline instead of the trazodone? I take 100 mgs of the traz but haven't noticed those side effects. Breakingjr I'm so happy that you're having a nice Thanksgiving! I'm relieved to hear the jitters are gone, as I'm still experiencing those. That's very true, not many people think of mental health issue as you would any other health issue, one which may require medication for a while. I really hope you have success with therapy, keep us posted!