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babyxgothxx

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Everything posted by babyxgothxx

  1. So I think my crush got offended because he thought I didn't know he has autism. I called him "autistic f--k" just then. That's the first time I brought up his autism at all
  2. Well, no. He blocked me before I had a chance to speak lol! I asked him, "Did you mean what you said (On Wednesday) or were you just mad?" He replied, "I don't give a **** if we talk or not" So I got offended, "Okay then POS, goodbye" He said, "Ta bro" I replied "Autistic f--k goodbye" He is autistic btw! I continued, "I'm gonna block you tomorrow because I hate you lol" My crush responded, "I'm sorry for saying what I felt," I tried to apologise, but he blocked me from Messenger!!!!!!!!!!! I was fuming so I kept on to my bff to unadd him and he did! It took a few lies here and there. My bff was friends with my crush. He thought my crush would never do wrong! I would never do this if I were sober. I feel like a demon! Alcohol is awful!!!!!! I have an urge to drink myself to death for what I've done. I know what I've done is wrong.
  3. Weeeeell, I drank too much and then my crush blocked me on Messenger. I told my friend to unfriend him and I eventually convinced him to. I lied, saying my crush is abusive etc. I want to drink myself to death now. WT* was I thinking? Guys, alcohol is the Devil's way of controlling you.
  4. Sometimes, I don't know who to trust anymore. I always end up being hurt, even by the kindest people. I should just trust myself only and lead my own way. Then again, I am afraid of ending up alone in the long run. The cycle is endless! I have noticed, ever since that incident with my crush, my mind has been acting "kinder" towards me. It tells me that I am "strong," "beautiful" and "can through this." Why is that? Is it because my mind has no choice, or what? It does relapse to the usual self-hatred. Most of the time though, my thoughts have been positive towards myself only. It does nag me constantly that I "need him in my life!" I am trying to push those voices to one side. They are not real. They are just voices! I want to be productive, not focusing on a guy who I have no chance with. He's even nothing like he seemed! I thought he was a sweet, lovable guy who wouldn't ever argue with anyone. I was wrong, haha... I know the incident was my fault but I never expected him to react so standoffish, I suppose? The "perfect innocent image" of him is now shattered to pieces. I feel I don't even know him anymore. It's like a completely different person. So, it's time for my mind to shut up and let me live my life, on my own!
  5. They may be innocent but snakes are scary, same with spiders!!! Hope you're okay
  6. In fact, shopping is always impulsive! I wish I can stop wasting my money on pointless stuff!!!! It's like an addiction
  7. Ooooh hope you stay that way The food part... That takes willpower. Every time I go out, I always splash my money on food, even if I'm not hungry. It's an impulse I can't control. Then I go home and eat EVERYTHING! I only do it for the rush it gives and taste! Food is just life. Without yummy food, life is pointless
  8. So sorry to read this, that is real agony
  9. Actually, yes! Stalking (no matter how creepy it sounds) helps burn out the fire inside me for a little while. Then I go and check again to see if he posts about me; or drop "hints!" It is exactly like alcohol. I am proud of myself for not drinking during this tough time. It takes willpower! Although, I will drink tonight because I'm celebrating my "graduation?" If you call it that lol I'm not drinking to ease my pain - at all! This is one of the most painful part of my life but I'm not drinking!!! I won't drink myself to death tonight. I don't won't to message my crush first anymore. If he wants to talk to me, I'm always here (Though, I still want to track him down and set his house on fire haha) Sorry for rambling! I talk too much haha
  10. Thanks Deep_joy, I will try delay using Facebook! I know it doesn't matter, but I don't have a smartphone. I use a laptop lol Doesn't matter... I haven't used Facebook for about 4 hours now; which is great! I haven't spoke to my crush in 2 days. That's amazing! I only use Facebook to stalk my crushes and other important people. Hope I keep this up and eventually move on
  11. Oh God such sad news, JD Is it the kitty in your profile picture? She's so beautiful! Absolutely heartbreaking. It is truly hard to say goodbye, pets are apart of the family, the loss is exactly the same. It's true! Can't put it in words. People who say otherwise are not pet owners
  12. Ohhh I never saw it like that! Thinking of it like a muscle would help wonders, thanks I'm going to try distract myself now. If I want to go on Facebook, I think "Nope, got to keep the willpower strong"
  13. I just blocked Facebook and I just did with my crush, but of course, I have no willpower! I unblocked him again. I always think he would come back to me but that's my non-stop aggravating, delusional thinking lol I am confused about her as well! I hope she's not doing it to hurt me. She seemed so kind and keeps telling me that she wants my crush and I to get along. Well, seems like that's not going to happen! I tried reaching out to my crush but he's never responded. It's him to decide if he wants to be friends or not. I think he needs to calm down first. It was a bad fight! I tell you, if he does eventually want to be my friend, I will NEVER unfriend him again!!!! Trust me on this. If he doesn't, well, I'll try to move on. That will be an almost impossible path. I was in a similar situation last year with that jerk crush. He never wanted to talk to me, look at me or be my friend. Then, as the days went by, he was sorry and spoke to me. Oh well! This one is worse because I won't see this crush again. I only have contact with him on Facebook! Hope I answered everyone's questions about this circus! In the meantime, I'm gonna distract myself by playing childhood games
  14. Yes I'm addicted to love and crushes haha I just blocked Facebook, now all it takes is willpower to not unblock it!
  15. Thanks JD! I feel loved for once I know I need to move on but I desperately need my crush back in my life! That's all I'm thinking about right now
  16. Same to be honest! Wait a minute, did you say you cut out coffee?? You're a tough cookie! I could never quit tea or coffee!!!!!!!!!!
  17. True I must move forward! It's the worst after an argument, you are trying all you can to get them back but nothing works I want to not care anymore. I want to move on! I don't know if I should block him or not. What's the point anymore? I don't want him on my feed. Yeah haha his girlfriend wanted to be friends with me and she knows my feelings for him!!!!! I don't know what to do anymore. I'm at a loss here tbh, I want him back so bad... You should've seen the look of awkwardness and hatred on his face today. It's shocking because he's usually a very kind, forgiving soul
  18. Thanks sweetheart I am very happy college is over but that describes the friendship with my crush haha We had a massive argument last night. We will never get together or be friends again LOL
  19. Suicidal, what else? Today was my last day in college and it was s--t! Wish it ended better, nope
  20. I think it must be BPD! This is not normal and I just want to stalk my crush and burn down his house! I saw him today. Everything is f--king awkward between us now haha At least his girlfriend added me on Facebook and thinks I am brave to tell my crush my feelings?? She doesn't really care and she wants me to get to know him. WEEEEEEEEELL, he doesn't want to. I'm such a f--king failure, can't wait to die
  21. Exact same, you've described my life - Useless, hopeless and pointless
  22. Thanks sweetie! I told him that because he kept ignoring me. I said "Please don't ignore me like that" he simply said "Okay" He was being snarky. That's why I said that. I got p-ssed! I thought he was a nice person. It's such a shame really, I can see why he's mad at me though! The pain is so strong right now... It feels almost impossible to get over this. I could k-ll that snarky b-gger! We shall see
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