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Everything posted by babyxgothxx

  1. I'm feeling so good right now guys! I feel I can accomplish anything if I put my mind to it. I feel there's no limitations to life! I never felt this way before. I don't think I need to come on here to "vent" anymore. I will check messages and stuff... I will only come back when I need to. Praying for you guys. You all deserve the world. I wish you all to find peace within yourselves. Love you
  2. I feel sad... Will I ever find peace within myself and impact the world or will I be a paranoid, depressed, over-the-edge, irritable person forever? Yes, I still think I have the power to change the world. I think I was born to impact the world Idk? I sound mental
  3. I use caffeine to treat my depression but it overpowers my anxiety... Don't know whether or not I should give it up! Can't live without it either
  4. Yes, when I'm paranoid, it just feels like another person is inside of me tagging at my soul! I feel like a completely different person! That makes paranoia flare more. Paranoia is like when anxiety reaches a new high! I don't mind people much anymore. My mind constantly tells me they judge me and hate me. No reason! Some people are simply lost souls looking for peace but don't get it... That's what makes them mad! I'm afraid that's where I'll end up soon, lost and broken and never finding peace within. I know it is inside of me but I can't seem to dig deep enough and grab it... Sorry for ranting, just in that kind of mood
  5. You're right! I've also been feeling "possessed" for a few days after! It's not good, I was so happy before. Hope you're doing okay buddy
  6. Sorry guys that I haven't been online for a week or so... Hope you guys are doing alright. Thinking of you all I was questioning reality, becoming paranoid until I thought everything was evil. I was feeling dizzy and having panic attacks daily! I was considering ending it all but now I'm better... I don't believe my mental state got that bad. It was like I was possessed by a demon I am also confused but please give me advice... I've been writing a fanfiction (lol) but I've been posting it on and off because it stands out so much! I am afraid of people reading it but at the same time I really want them to. I want it to be famous, even though it is a very slim chance. Please help? The story is kinda adult themed too. It contains a disclaimer at the beginning haha
  7. @sober4life and @lonelyforeigner were right... I binge drank last night and feel like death today! I think the alcohol doesn't agree with me anymore. I'm also beginning hate the taste of alcohol... It's kinda gross to me! What's going on??? I didn't feel like this last week. Then again, I have been feeling more positive lately!!! Goodbye weekly binge drinking! I should learn to control my intake or just avoid alcohol altogether (the latter would be better)
  8. Yes, most people seem to constantly watch you, that's makes me fear them too What's worse, what if they aren't really judgemental and paranoia is doing the talking? There are many judgemental people out there but, ugh! Why can't I live my life, talk to people without fear like most people? I hide away from everyone as well! Don't you wish there was a world without people? Sorry if that sounds mean, I can't help but think it sometimes
  9. Same! Weekends are ultimate obsessive days for me! My thoughts are polluted with chores and stuff
  10. Well I don't know, I always say that "I won't make a fool of myself this time" lol I don't see what is wrong if it's done in moderation, being honest! I just need to control that binge drinking habit
  11. I don't know! It's become a habit, on Saturday night, I drink I doubt I'll make a fool of myself this time! I don't use Facebook much anymore
  12. Still blessed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm afraid I'd get soooooo manic tonight because I'll be drinking! It's a weekly habit I love being manic (weird as that sounds) but sometimes it gets out of control! I don't want this feeling to end - at all. (What's up with these emojis lol I just love expressing myself I guess )
  13. Do you think you're hanging around these unsafe people because you feel lonely? Or are you forced to be with them? You've definitely come a long way and don't deserve that kind of criticism. A coincidence, I'm quitting my job because my co-workers are belittling me. Or maybe they're not and I'm just sensitive? I take things to the extremes too when I'm paranoid. It feels like a terrible "flight or fight" response and panic attack at once
  14. Aww What happened? If you don't mind? These moments seem like the end of the world
  15. You're welcome buddy Yes I totally agree! That's why I'm not going out much - too hot!!!! Keep it up hun
  16. How do I feel? I feel blessed... That feeling when you fall in love with someone else... After 10 months crushing on someone taken and toxic. When you thought you'd never fall in love again... Feel like a drug!!!! I'm soooo happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahaha yes, I'm so addicted to love! I'm flying high, soaring higher and higher! All I see is light and innocence... I want this to last forever!!! PS I'm not drunk! I am being truly honest here... Love is completely a drug for me. Especially finding a new crush haha
  17. First of all, congratulations for the weight loss! Please try not to feel disgusted for gaining the weight back on, it happens, especially if you're going though hard times. A divorce is so devastating! Ugh I sound so hypocritical. I am disgusted with myself yet I don't want others to. Pathetic really! I'm so proud of you for walking again! I'm too lazy to do even that Try to be careful because you only have one lung So proud of you, buddy!
  18. I know the struggle I try to act and "look" normal in my face so people don't think I'm failing! It's horrible, if this weight is lifted, life would be at least a bit easier!
  19. I found out that I've gained a lot of weight, not very happy about that at all! I don't want to go back to that fat, chubby ***** I used to be. I've been slim for years; after I did something about my weight. I looked so disgusting at 15 and became slim at 16. After that, it seemed like my metabolism kicked off and I could get away with eating whatever I liked. Not anymore. Although, I can still put on my dressing gown I wore when I was 6 years old. I was fat back then so wore a 7/8 years. I can still put on 8-year-old sized clothing. A dress I wore at 9 (10 year old size dress btw, which was tight on me back then, what a cow) still fits me as well. Maybe my scales are wrong! Hope so, I don't want to get fat again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Guys, I don't hate overweight people!!!!! I believe beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. I just hate myself looking fat, if that makes sense? It like brings back bad memories for me to be fat! I was always fat until I reached 16. Now I'm almost 20. Sorry if I offended you guys, that's not my intentions
  20. My first thought this morning? Well, I've stayed up all night so I'm been having thoughts throughout the night, if that makes sense
  21. OMG This answer is kinda old... I've like finished college and now miss it, especially seeing my crush I used to hate college! It's shocking how quickly you can change your mind
  22. My brother and I are going to the cinema today! It's gonna be fun and we'll have a McDonald's before the movie starts. Takes me back to my childhood! Can't wait!!!! Still wishing you guys the best of luck, you all need it right now!
  23. Noooo you're not that word at all! I know you didn't mean it that way
  24. Yes that's true Nobody deserves to struggle this much! Thanks hun but you all need it more than me
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