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NICKV

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  1. I don't know where to start this. Maybe just give some info about my situation. I am a male junior in high school, I have been diagnosed with ADHD and Bi-polar disorder, and I take lithium and vyvanse for them.The lithium does not work at all. I see a therapist, but I do not trust him at all, he sides with my parents on many things, very personal things such as feelings and SI. I have asked my parents for a new therapist, but they refuse.Which is why I am here. Surprisingly I have many friends. Not any close ones, but a lot of friends that I might get high with from time to time. I am very social, but mainly because I use it to mask my severe depression and feelings of suicide. I am starting to value time by myself than with others, and it scares me. I feel so alone. Like I don't have any friends that would care if I were gone. And my parents are a whole new case. They are honestly the worst thing that has ever happened to me. It may sound harsh, but I say it truly because they deserve it. I have so much anxiety from them that I have just bottled up inside of me. Bottling up this anxiety has caused me to try coping methods such as drinking, smoking, and taking pills (Xanax) to get it to go away(Temporarily). I have so many insecurities about myself. And I have no future plans, like no idea what I am going to do when I get out of High School. I am not smart at all, I have a 2.4 average GPA and I am in my Junior Year.And overall I am just not enjoying life. The only time I enjoy myself is when I am messed up on something. My parents are verbally abusive. And I do not talk to many girls at school, which doesn't help with the thoughts on how I look. I feel like deep down I truly have no one that cares... Like anyone can say they care but I just want to know that I might be living my life for someone because I certainly am not living for myself at this point. I am here pouring out my thoughts and feelings on this forum. Sorry if it is unorganized and a bit oddly said but I am just needing someone to talk to. These problems probably seem very stupid to most people, but they are chewing me out from the inside.