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Thepia

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  1. seperated mind

    Thanks for the music. Really appreciate this forum and you. This is the first deep conversation(?) I had in months. Due to circumstances I'm having a 10 months gap between high school and university. Spent over 80% of my time alone. I struggle to open up to people. The loneliest time was not when I was alone though but when I'm with people I thought of as friends yet felt utterly disconnected and isolated.
  2. seperated mind

    Yeah maybe. Didn't think I would find someone similar to me. Initially I thought it was just a feeling/thought that was under the influence of lsd but that realization stuck with me to this day. The first three days afterwards I can't relate to my friends during conversation. I didn't even bother putting effort in engaging with them. There were no point in doing things even activities that I used to enjoy. Now I got better. Better at pretending lol. It's not like it was the drug that caused this feeling though. The feeling was already there months ago. Now it was just unlocked/clearer.
  3. seperated mind

    Hey. Yeah I kinda felt that as well. However my "realization" that we're simply machine that are triggered by extermal and internal stimulants occurred during my first and probably last LSD trip. It was also the first time I broke down with uncontrollable crying. A bonus was I was with people so i felt panicky and somewhat humiliated and pathetic. The realization made me felt disconnected from friends and family and question my existence. I felt detached from feelings. Yet suicidal thoughts occurred to me and for the same reasons as yours I know I wouldn't do it.
  4. Thanks @mindminusbody I'm 19 and about to start university in 3 weeks so not quite a youngster lol. Thinking about seeking professional guidance as well but will be moving to a different country in two weeks. So I'm not sure if I should do it now or when I'm there.
  5. Hello! I'm new to this forum. Lately I have been crying for no reason. I would suddenly feel slightly dizzy, sudden drop in appetite and tears would start welling up. It was hard to suppress the tears and sudden sadness when I'm with people. Had three of these breakdowns this past month. Other than those times I would feel quite normal. Although I do think about death and such quite often, I felt I have control over my actions. However starting to feel that I'm losing control when I have the crying breakdown. Any advice? Is this a sign of depression?