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Two of Me

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Everything posted by Two of Me

  1. It could be a side effect. One good web site I use to check all my meds is www.rxlist.com Just put it in the search and it will tell you all about it. Good luck.
  2. Miscarriages are so hard. I've had 6. Those led to some of the worst depressed times in my life. Keep your head up and keep a positive attitude if you can. It will help you get through!
  3. I have two that get home about 3:30 and one who gets home about 4:15. That is usually when I'm fairly calm...dinner does get me a little riled but not bad. It's when I'm alone that I freak out. While I'm here during the day. I keep telling myself just to clean the house (it could sure use it) but all I can do is sit here frozen in fear. Then once everyone is in bed asleep I'm "alone" again so I freak out. I'm already freaking out about errands I HAVE to run tomorrow. My husband wanted to go to this big event he got free tix to tonight and I had to tell him I just couldn't deal with a big crowd. He sort of understood but I could tell it bothered him. His company is sponsoring the event. But I'm afraid if I go I'll just lose it in the middle of the place. Maybe I should just take some Klonopin, have a glass of alcohol and go.
  4. Every time I turn around there is a post (or several) that fit me perfectly. I've been heavy all my life and have been a food addict since I was a teenager. I, too, eat till I make myself sick...although I won't puke- I'm also vomit phobic!! I have a horrible time with food...I see it and want to eat it..and mostly junk food. Because of this I have no energy, no motivation. Even as I'm shoving it down, sometimes I'm in tears praying to stop. There's always a hope that it will change. I've accepted myself as a fat woman and don't have a problem with that at all. I even have a shirt that says "Fat Chick & Proud". It's the fact that I cannot control what I put in my mouth. Munchy munchy munchy....
  5. Wasn't on meds through any of my pregnancies. Some days were up, some were down. It was helped by the fact that I was always happy about being pregnant. Keep a positive attitude and you'll help yourself and the little one!
  6. I am definately cutting down on the smoking. And I even take my meds (including those that help me sleep) at 4:30 every afternoon. I have glow in the dark stars all over my ceiling that sometimes help me relax and sleep. I've noticed the last couple of days in the afternoon about 1 or so I get really freaked out for no reason. I don't smoke at all during the day. Right now I'm a stay at home mom. I have a new bed- the best I could find and sooo comfortable. My room is the perfect temperature and my hubby is a cuddler. I still get all freaked out and can't sleep. I totally have that little kid routine at night...still the same since I was a kid even! Then when it's time to get in bed I just wake right up. Then I start to panic that I won't be able to get to sleep or get enough before the alarm goes off. Maybe I just need to drag myself in there and lay down. Maybe it's just not hauling my arse in there and falling into bed. Heaven knows I should be tired. I only get about 4 hours of sleep a night. And once I'm out I'm out. AAArrrrGGGhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  7. Thanks for the suggestions. And yes, I'll be talking to my dr. about this when I see him on the 7th. pan is usually the only way I can calm down and feel human again. Klonopin helps too, but the other night it took 5 mg of the stuff to get me to the point where I could sleep. I've tried taking out caffeine and all I get are headaches, I haven't tried dairy though I don't drink milk and eat very little in the way of dairy products. Funny enough, after my post I did a little internet research and the one thing I found most often was to have sex...lol...but I just can't do that every night of the week. I will have to look at the white flour in my diet and see how that pans out because that is somewhat prevalent. I haven't tried that one. The taking a walk thing is a great idea I know but getting out of the house requires Klonopin on my part. I hate to leave and try to get everything I need to done on one day a week. But what the heck...maybe I can get the hubby to tag along and it won't be so bad. I'll look up other dietary things too to see if there is something else in my diet that could be contributing to this. Thanks again all.
  8. Works for my kid. He does wake up a lot at night and occasionally has problems with tics, but it's likely that isn't from the Straterra. It keeps him sane. I'm so grateful for it.
  9. It's been a miracle drug for my son who has ADHD as well as anxiety and rage issues. His neurologist told us it was originally designed for men with anxiety and rage issues and then they discovered it works really well for ADD and ADHD. He's a happy kid when he takes it and a monster when he doesn't. Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I'd consider it if I were you. At least try it if the dr. suggests it.
  10. I was on Effexor for a bit...my biggest problem with it was the "brain shakes"... felt like my brain was bouncing around my head in a lightning storm. There were days it would be so bad I had to stay in bed. It was painful...I got off that stuff FAST. Yuck.
  11. I miss Pong! And shag carpet, love the whole retro 70s look, miss the tv shows, miss the way things tasted as a kid. I miss running all over a farm free to do what I wanted as long as I was home by dark. Kids aren't free like that anymore. I miss Grape Ne-hi soda...can't get it up here in CO. Mmmm...
  12. Thanks! It was nice. And today we celebrated my dad's birthday too with cake of course. I've had too much cake! We celebrated in memory of him. It was lovely. I miss him desperately. He was my favorite guy. And I was totally unworthy to have been blessed enough to have him for a dad.
  13. I don't know where I am. I'm anxious, to the point of swallowing my version of Smarties- Klonopin. I'm mostly down...it's my dad's birthday and I'm really having a hard time this year. He died back in '85 and I'm still not dealing with it. So his birthday kills me, especially since it was only 3 days from mine and we always celebrated our birthdays together. So I'm down but my physical body is just amped. I don't know which way to go! :wacko:
  14. Lately my anxiety has gotten to be more than I can bear. I've tried meditation, medication, you name it. It's worse at night, getting bad about 2 or 3 in the afternoon and working its way up to a fever pitch by midnight. Then I can't sleep. So I take more Klonopin and still can't sleep. I'm up to 3 mg right now and feel like I've taken none. Now I've taken another 2 mg...hoping that will help. I'm feeling like a maniac! What do you do when Klonopin doesn't help? Are there other meds that work as rescue drugs like Klonopin does but better? I can't sleep and then once I'm asleep I don't want to get up. Part of it is depression, but I feel like I'm about to bust through my own skin. My mind races, my OCD, and my head hurts, my anxiety. I want to scream!!!
  15. We are working on meds...lithium, but it doesn't seem to be doing much so far. I see him again on the 7th and we'll be talking about upping my dose. But it gives me the shakes something fierce. This has only been happening about the last 4 months or so. Just came out of nowhere. I've been dealing with bipolar/mania for years and years. And since it's started I've had many more and much worse headaches than ever. I'll try the writing it down thing, but that won't always be possible. I have a hand injury and can't always hold a pen...but I'll give it my best shot if it's going to stop the craziness in my head.
  16. I don't think it's even really about the sex. It's about feeling like you can be completely relaxed and comfortable. That's something my anxiety rarely allows me to be. It's about the fact that with all the meds we take, there are natural medications in our bodies that we can release through something that happens to be pleasurable in and of itself. Of course, they are not all the meds all of us need, but sometimes an extra boost of happiness can't hurt. But mostly it's not about the physical that comes through sex, it's about the emotional, the spiritual. I think that if people could feel during sex what they feel in church and vice versa, we'd all be happier. People try and get it from food, from buying stuff, from lots of places. I hope that doesn't anger anyone- it's not meant to at all.
  17. Lamictal Klonopin Lithium Trileptal Neurontin
  18. My son is on Straterra. It's been a miracle drug for him. He's a whole new kid since he's been on that med. No side effects so far...well he has developed some tics but the dr. is pretty sure those are from the Lamictal. Yikes...I'll have to research this a bit more!!
  19. This may sound unusual so I hope I can explain it well enough. For me, joy is in the spiritual union I have with my husband. Sex...I've read many sources that say if you can create a spiritual bond with a partner in making love, that the hormones released in your body create a sense of joy. For me, God isn't that Zeus image from Sunday school. God is all encompassing, everywhere, inside and out. The spiritual journey of making love and letting oneself go is the ultimate expression of love and creates pure joy. I don't find joy in material things, I don't find joy in prayer or church. I find joy in being free and unreserved. I find joy in being open to another person and uninhibited. That is the true expression of God and spirituality. To me anyway...
  20. Oh my God. I am in tears. I thought I was the only one whose brain wouldn't shut up. I'm on Lithium for it and it's not working. I've spent the last several months begging my mind to shut up. I physically squeeze my head to try and make it stop. It's so bad it happens in my dreams. I hear songs over and over. Phone numbers, snippets of conversations, sounds of everything, commercials...I can't make it stop. I try relaxation techniques, meditation, medication...you name it. Sometimes I just want to shoot myself in the head to make it stop. I wouldn't of course. Hell I don't even have a gun...but it's a figurative thing. I just wish my head would shut up once in a while. It's so bad I get headaches from it. I am shocked to see that there are others who are going through this too.
  21. My son's neurologist put him on it. He does have ADHD but she told me quite a bit about it. It was originally approved for men who have anxiety and rage issues. They found out secondarily that it worked on ADD and ADHD. Give it a shot if the doc says it might work. It works great for my son, who also has anxiety and rage issues. I would suggest you see a doc though for the real info. Let them decide if it works for you. It's been a miracle med for my kid though. Good luck!
  22. My son is on it for mood stabilization along with Straterra. It works like a charm for him. They do blood work twice a year just to check his liver with the Lamictal. I just started on it a month or so ago and it's helped a little bit with mood stabilization, but it's not been a miracle drug for me or anything. I did also just start on Lithium though and it's making me nuts I think. But the Lamictal seems to do its job.
  23. I've always noticed that when I'm manic I eat. Some people shop, I chomp. The other day I was a bit manic and ate a whole bunch of bananas. There are times I eat when depressed too, but not as often as when I'm manic. Anyone else deal with this? I cannot stop it...it's like an addiction or something....I have to eat...
  24. It didn't do squat for me.
  25. 1. At what age were you diagnosed? 16 2. Looking back, at what age did you first exhibit signs of hypomania? don't know 3. At what age did you have your first depressive episode? 8 4. What meds are you on now? lamictal, trileptal, lithium, klonopin, neurontin 5. What meds have worked BEST for you? none yet except klonopin 6. What meds worked the WORST? wellbutrin, can't remember the other 7. What is your official diagnosis? bipolar with major depressive disorder, schizoaffective disorder, possible DID, paranoia, generalized anxiety disorder 8. If you are in therapy now, do you find it helpful? Are you in any particular TYPE of therapy? (Cognitive Behaviorial, DBT, etc.) Not in therapy 9. What's the funniest thing you've ever done while hypomanic? don't think of anything 10. What's the most dangerous thing you've ever done? (If you'd rather not tell, that's ok) took too many meds 11. Do you have delusions while manic? no 12. Are you a happy manic, or an irritable one? just depends, sometimes one sometimes the other 13. If you could give your bipolar disorder to ONE person in your life for ONE day, who would it be? (not to be mean, but just to show them what you go through) my husband 14. If you have children... If you had known, before you had children, that you were bipolar... would you have had children? I knew, and yes 15. Would you have married (if you are married), if you had known that you were bipolar? Would you have told your spouse-to-be? I knew and yes 16. Think back to high school... would you wish bipolar illness on the person who teased you most? no 17. Do you think that the person closest to you understands what you go through? sort of 18. Are you stable right now? not by a long shot 19. When was your last manic/hypomanic/depressive/rapid cycling attack? right now 20. Are you happy? not completely
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