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hellnbak last won the day on November 3 2017

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About hellnbak

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  • Birthday 07/12/1972

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    PTSD, major anxiety and depression don't leave room for interests! Sorry I have done some interesting things tho!

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  1. Happy Birthday! Hope you are doing well :)

  2. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  3. you're welcome precious.....my PM is always open....

  4. hey. thanks for your reply to my post. i feel so lost...but glad to know its ok to talk to you and not annoying. thanks xx precious

  5. As directed.... 40mg's of prozac in the morning 50mg's of seroquel in the morning 50mg's of seroquel before bedtime sometimes i only take 25mg's of seroquel in the morning, depending on how i feel. sometimes i take 25mg's of seroquel at 6pm also. ....all of these directions have been given to me by my psychiatrist....i dont think it's advisable to mess around with the timings or doseage of meds without talking to your prescribing doctor or psychiatrist first, but it is important to find a routine which suits you, so keep your doctors up to date with what you are taking when. Helly.
  6. Thanks everyone.... I just wrote this huge reply to all your posts which has taken me what seems like hours and my son came along and shut down the computer I will try again when i get the chance, in the meantime i just wanted to point out a particular trait that my son has. I am not sure if this is outside of normal or not and maybe you could tell me.... I got up this morning and decided i really ought tgo through my sons clothes and 'recycle' the stuff which is no longer in use. I thought this maybe a nice activity for us both to do together. I sat down with him and told him what we were going to do.....i said that we were going to sort out some clothes to give to the 'poor children' because as they were no good for him anymore it would be a nice, kind thing to do.....he reluctantly agreed. So, we went to wardrobe....first thing i got out that is no good he said he wanted to keep so i thought, ok well i'll grab it later when he's not looking. The next item he wanted to keep. I said that it was no good, he had to let some stuff go and that was going. I turned my back and he pinched it ran off and hid it. I got it back and told him it was going. He started growling (a throated grr that he makes as he starts to get angry) and i warned him about his temper. Next item the same reaction not willing to part with it...... . By this time i am starting to get irritated, but i hold my temper and once again tell him what we are doing and why. Try again, he does the same again. I give up. I put the lot back in his wardrobe and decide i'll do it when he's at school. By this time he is beside himself crying and angry. I just walk away. He just can't seem to part with anything. Old, new, too small, broken, plain rubbish it all seems to hold a disproportionate sentimental value. I even tried to throw out an old ripped cardboard box, he spotted it and insisted on bringing it back into the house. Even stuff he picks up when we go for a walk (twigs, stones, pine cones) nope, none of it can ever be given or thrown away without a MAJOR tantrum. I have to do everything on the sly when he is at school, and even then he will come in and look to see if particular things are still where he left them, and if they're not......OMG i don't hear the end of it for days. Is it normal for a child to be so attached to things that he cant bear to part with ANYTHING?
  7. Thinking of you Helly xx

  8. Thanks again....((((all))))) Divastrop, good to catch up again, i hope all is well with you, and thanks for the benefit of your insight.....i can't wait for my son to see his father for what he is, it would make life ALOT easier..... Lizzy - I am waiting for the doctor to get a report from the school regarding my sons behaviour before we make a final decision whether he will be refered to clinical psychology or not. I am not at all opposed to the idea, but to a degree i have to follow the doctors advice and opinion. I have emphasised the problems, but he really doesn't think it's behaviour outside of what he would expect for a 5 year old who has had his experiences. He is convinced that a period of stability will sort the problems out. Trouble is i can not guarantee that stability, i rapid cycle, and i really have no idea how i'm going to feel from day to day. I appreciate what you are saying about him entering school at the age he is, ut it's a bit too late to be changing that now, he has got into the routine of school life, and on the most part loves being there. I don't think it would do him much good to have him rattling around the house all day, every day, and i know it wouldn't do me much good..... Social services refered me to a local childrens centre, whom are often in touch to povide us both with support, but they do not help to deal with his behaviour, however, they are alays there if things become really tough. I used to see 'home start' but after a few visits they decided i didn't need them. I now have a visit from the CPN every fortnight. I am up and down, good days bad days.....my psychotherapist is fantastic and my psychiatrist is ok.... You may not have read my last thread but i have been suffering from visual disturbances recently.....i may have to go for neurological tests to rule out MS.....i am not in the best of mental health, but i have been worse. Trouble is i can not give my son the stability he seems to need, as hard as i may try, i can not pretend there is nothing wrong with me mentally.
  9. I obsess. Not about people, but things..... Once i get something into my head i just can't stop going on and on....thinking too much....driving myself mental..... I know how it feels. I take prozac and seroquel. Seems to help.....
  10. hellnbak


    I rapid cycle...... I can be absolutely manic one day and deeply depressed the next..... Sucks.....
  11. hellnbak


    Yes CBT does do this.....dreadging things up from the past does make you feel worse, exhausted for a while. However it gives you the opportunity to discuss any unsettled issues, reassess and reshape these events. The idea is you break it all down into it's pieces and rebuild....... Hang on in there, if your therapist is any good you should start to look at everything in a whole new light soon......
  12. Thanks ((((all))))) Lizzy your advice is priceless thank you so much. I have to say that i have tried the naughty step although we call it the thinking step, in fact it is my main form of punishment at the moment. I think we all realise that this behaviour is coming from his dreadful experiences so far in life.....it is misdirected emotions, and the councillor i used to see tried to deal with this exact issue. He is indeed worse when he has been with his father, but it not solely when he has been with daddy. Any change in his routine, anyone he stays with even his grandparents for the day, he comes home more horrible than ever. If i try and cuddle him when he goes into these rages he really hurts me if he can. He has drawn blood from scratching me down my face...he will pull my hair out.... He is keeping up with his milestones, i believe although his attention span is so short that he doesn't read and write as well as his peers. I have spoken to my Health Visitor, in fact it was her who refered him to a councillor, but we don't have regular meetings these days. In between temper tantrums he can be a little angel.....often he comes home with stickers or certificates for being so good. The school is particularly good at rewarding his good behaviour, and come down hard on him when he is naughty. He can be really helpful and kind.....i guess that's what's so confusing he is like Jekyl and Hyde.... I have to say that i do constantly talk to my son....i do ask him what makes him happy, sad, mad etc. i ask him to talk to me, tell me why he feels like he does. We are constantly discussing what the consequences of his actions are. He knows how much he hurts people when he strikes out. When i ask him why he did something he sayd that he doesn't know why, he wasn't thinking and he promises to try harder,yet he still does it again and again.... He knows how much i love him and visa versa, several times a day we will declare our love in different ways, i make sure he knows i love him and how much. We do chat and play together, as a single mum with my own mental health problems he gets all my attention, and a lot of it. He is what keeps me going at times, especially the routine we keep. He is not on a bad diet, but it could be better......the trouble is i really struggle with doing other day to day tasks like cooking, washing, cleaning etc i try my best, but i am fighting a bipolar schizoaffective obesessive disorder as well. I could start a star chart at home, but he has one at school and it makes little or no difference.....i used to have one when he was younger but when he got angry he would just rip it off the wall and destroy it. Maybe i will try again. You say you think he is too young to be starting school, but legally he would have to start next september. I was encouraged to start him at pre-school when he was 2 to help him interact better with other children. He only started school full-time last september, along with all his peers at his age in the school. I don't think it is unusual for children to join the reception class at school from 4 here in the UK. My doctor is loathed to refer him to clinical psychology because he is so young. Plus i have appointments with either my psychologist, psychiatrist, doctor or CPN nearly every week, it takes alot out of me to make all these appointments.....adding yet another psychologist may not be beneficial to either of us in his opinion. This whole issue is made doubly bad because of my illness. My son knows i am not mentally well, even at 4. I know that affects him. It doesn't help. It makes me feel guilty.
  13. I am hoping that someone here may be able to offer some advise / help with my son, i just don't know what to do with him anymore. He is 5 in June and driving me (even more) insane. His father and i separated 3 years ago. We had a very acrimonious relationship and my son often witnessed terrible arguements where my ex would become very aggressive. He used to stand in between us crying telling us to stop. It totally destroyed me....i couldn't stand to see what it was doing to my son, so i left..... Just before and after i left his father our son started to become very angry and aggressive himself, and i was refered to counciling with him. He had a year of counciling during which time his behaviour would wax and wane..... During preschool my son attacked the teachers and other children.....biting, kicking, punching, pulling hair etc and the preschool teachers struggled with him for 2 years. The councillor used to talk to my son about his emotions....happy, sad, angry etc, and after a year she said he was fine, just like any other child, and he would be much better when he joined the reception class at school. Last September he joined the reception class. No improvement in his behaviour. The Educational Psychologist came and saw him, talked to me, refered him to other professionals, and suggested he had clinical Psychology. None of the other professionals who have seen him have diagnosed him with any specific problem. I took him to the doctor and he is waiting for a report from the school on his behaviour. I have talked to my son about his behaviour, i have punished him (in a non physical way) in every way i can think possible, i have talked to others, his teachers, my psychotherapist, my psychiatrist, the doctor, and yet nothing changes. I will be asleep in bed and my son will just walk in the room and hit me hard with a toy, his fist, anything he can grab at the time. He attacks me when he is cross, and he hurts me......I go bananas, shut him in his bedroom, and he proceeds to try to beat the door down. He may calm down, apologise, realise what he has done....and yet half an hour later do it again. He is by far the worst behaved child in his school. In the last week he has been sent home one day for kicking and punching a teacher, been banned from the school bus for having a fight and breaking the seatbelt, was kept from his swimming lesson for biting an older child......... When he is angry and comes at me in a rage he frightens me.....he really hurts me nasty.....he comes flying towards me and it is all i can do to protect myself... I love my son and yet i am really starting to not like him. I just can't cope with him anymore. I feel like i am being bullied, by a 4 year old! I just don't know what to do with him anymore.....it's hard enough dealing with my mental illness alone without this extra burden....I have tried again and again every punishment i can think of.......i have even tried smacking his bottom in a controlled way, but he just hits me back.....it may not even be there and then, sometimes he remembers an hour or so later,and when i'm not expecting it come up behind me and whack me with something..... The doctor says he will grow out of it with some stability and time, but what am i to do in the meantime??????? He makes me want to cry......with frustration.
  14. I am single, and i am not having an affair with anyone on facebook. Still, i wouldn't want anyone having my password, it's my private domain. I wouldn't want my son, or my partner to have it. Why? Because it's my private space. I have nothing to hide, but i don't want anyone to access my profile, it's mine. And you know what? If my husband checked up on me by checking my facebook profile i would go nuts. NUTS. Ever heard of space, and trust? You need to work on these issues my friend.
  15. Jeazzzzzzzzzzzzz that list is HUGE...... just goes to show what an exact science mental health is not..... I guess you're right a physical illness is easier to treat than a mental one....but read up on multiple sclerosis and you'll see how non-exact the symptoms are for that too.... The main difference is that MS can be accurately diagnosed by looking for leisons in the brain. However, it can sometimes go many years without being diagnosed. It tends to strike in the main from 30 - 40 years old (i'm 37 this year). The symptoms can wax and wane for many years and it is a degenerative neurological disease, not a mental health disorder. Surely i don't have MS.... I don't know what's worse......
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