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Autumn

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Everything posted by Autumn

  1. Hi all, I came off Wellbutrin completely about 7 weeks ago. I was on 300mg XL for close to 2 years, came down to 150mg over the Summer and quit completely just before X-mas. During week 2 I was completely wiped out, which I expected. I had this going on when I tapered to 150mg as well. Apart from the increased fatigue in the first few weeks I feel like my body's completely messed up. I gained about 15 pounds during the last 6 months. This partly makes sense because I do eat more than before. But I've also been working out 3 times a week over the last month and a half but keep on gaining weight. I've been having these hunger spells. In fact I even had to get up a few times over night (including this morning 2 am) because of an empty stomach and feeling all weak. It's like my metabolism's all messed up. Also, I stopped having my periods about 3 months ago (pregnancy ruled out). Normally I'm very regular when it comes to periods but I feel like since being/ having been on Wellbutrin I became irregular and now my periods stay out completely. Does anyone recognize any of this? I keep struggling with fatigue, concentration issues, etc. which probably is not med or depression related. I possibly have chronic fatigue. I had some blood work done but nothing seemed too much out of the ordinary. I was a bit low on iron though. But hormonally (cortisol, oestrogen, testosterone,...) everything seemed to be within normal level. I have a appointment scheduled with my gynecologist though. Mind you, I do think Wellbutrin's been helping my depression. I don't want this to scare of people who just started on this med. Any feedback would be great. Thanks in advance. Autumn
  2. Hi everyone, It's been a while. I've been on Wellbutrin 300mg XL for a year now. Mentally/emotionally I'm doing quite well. I'd like to start tapering off. I made an appointment with my pdoc today. It's still two months away but well... What I would like to know is how people who have been on this med for a year or more feel physically. One of the reasons I was put on Wellbutrin was fatigue. Starting up was rough. I had a lot of side effects the first few weeks. But in the beginning it did give me a boost (although it kind of felt artificial). Then it evened out. But over time my fatigue seems to have gotten worse. I'd like to do more, like working full time (been working part time for the past 2 years), meeting with friends, getting some exercise but a lot of the time I can't do it because I feel exhausted. If I do force myself and cross the line I guess (because I'm simply frustrated with it), it takes days to get back to a 'normal' level of functioning. Normal still means tired though. I hurt all over, can't concentrate, can't stand noise, etc. I had some blood tests done recently and as usually everything seemed okay. I'm just wondering whether this fatigue, muscle aches, headaches and so on... have anything to do with Wellbutrin. Also these past two months I've been having trouble with my stomach. I have a lot of heartburn. My GP thinks it might have something to do with the Wellbutrin. Anyone else having stomach aches? Autumn
  3. Sheepwoman, Thanks for replying... Meanwhile, I talked to my pdoc about the severe headache. Apparently it was me having a bad reaction. It scared me. Lots of people take this combo without problems. A minorty does get this kind of bad headaches with hypersensitivity to light etc... I still have a low-grade headache. Maybe because I'm tired and a little tense or because of the Remeron 15mg (upping to 30 mg in a week) which my pdoc switched me to. I've been on this med before and it did help my sleep. Anyway, this kind of headache is manageable. The SE's of the Wellbutrin have lessened a bit. Still a little tremor. The chills are pretty much gone. And the Remeron possibly couters the nausea and loss of appetite, which is a good thing (I just have to get through the morning 'hangover' feeling it gives me) Autumn
  4. Hi all, A quick question : does anyone take Wellbutrin in combination with Trazodone and what are your experiences? I upped my dose of Wellbutrin XL to 300mg about 2 weeks ago. So far it doesn't really differ with the 150mg. I still feel nauseous and have chills some of the time. Maybe I should give it another two weeks and see what happens... The normal benzodiazepines don't help much with sleep for me (and are ofcourse highly addictive). My pdoc put me on Trazodone 100mg to help with sleep. I started last night and decided to take 50mg first. I woke up this morning with an incredible headache, migraine-like (I don't get migraine headaches normally). I couldn't go to work today because of it. Does this sound familiar to anyone? I tried calling my pdoc serveral times but she's probably not in today. I called my GP as well, who told me this combination of meds is being prescribed and shouldn't normally have bad interactions. Maybe it's just me having a bad reaction? Some input anyone? Thanks, Autumn
  5. So I guess my question comes down to: Is 2 x 150mg XL taken at once the same as taking one tablet of 300mg XL (or should you take the 2 tablets of 150mg XL at different times)? I was just wondering is the metabolism is the same... Autumn
  6. Hi everyone, It's been 4 weeks since I started Wellbutrin 150mg XL. It's been quite a ride already which is both positive and negative for me. I never responded to anything I ever tried before (from SSRI to SNRI to NaSSa to combinations + some lose dose atypical antipsychotics). To this, I do seem to respond in some way. Yay ? I have a real problem with fatigue. It's one of my main symptoms. So the first week was 'good' because I really felt the boost it gave in the mornings. The first weekend though I mostly stayed in bed because of a real increase in anxiety, suicidal ideation and crying spells (last one definitely not me at all - flat affect is also a symptom). I kept feeling the boost in the mornings the next two weeks, but somehow it seemed to wear off in the afternoon. I had like 'lows' between 2 and 6 p.m., where I just felt like the 'energy' (it feels like fake energy) is all gone and I need rest. I currently work part time, mostly mornings, so I ended up in bed in the afternoon (which I hate doing but it feels ike my body's bailing on me anyway). Sometimes I got really hyped up again in the evening and I as a result had a hard time going the sleep (even with the sleeping aid my pdoc prescribed to get through the start up - although apart from that my sleeping pattern's messed up anyway). Over the last week I felt like the effect is just wearing off more. Still the kind of boost in the morning but after that I'm all tired, have a lower mood, etc..., still some agitation though. As to side effects I experience : dry mouth (or bad taste) at times, less appetite (resulting in losing some weight), some nausea and dizziness, more emotions (feeling like you can laugh and cry at the same time), restlessness,... So altogether the Wellbutrin does 'something' but it doesn't feel balanced at all. I called my pdoc and she suggested I go up to 300mg XL now. So I'll try that as of tomorrow I was wondering whether most of you people on 300mg XL take it as one dose in the morning or split it in 2 x 150mg XL, one in the morning and one at noon/early afternoon. (I know there are 300mg XL tablets but I only have the 150mgXL tabs for now) Autumn
  7. Hi all, I went 3 1/2 years without meds. Mainly because I tried a few different groups of AD's (SSRI, SNRI, NaSSa and combinations) and even some antipsychotics, but none of them did anything for me, except making me even more apathetic/flat. I just tried to stick it out without meds, while continuing psychotherapy (with successes and setbacks). Unfortunately I've been experiencing a more serious relapse lately and decided to give meds another try. I consulted with my pdoc who suggested Wellbutrin (being in the NDRI group, one I haven't tried yet, hooray). I'm in my third week now and it has been kind of rough at times. I had quite a bad few days in my second week. Lots of anxiety, not being able to get out of bed, more suicidal ideation, crying spells (which is not normally me). These have subsided a bit and I do seem to experience some effect. Especially in the beginning I felt quite a boost which was great because extreme fatigue is one of my main symptoms. I still sort of get that feeling in the morning now. In the afternoon though I feel like my energy and overall functioning is going downhill again. In the evening I'm real tired but agitated at the same time and have difficulty lying still and falling asleep (although my pdoc did prescribe a sleeping aid). These questions have probably been asked before but I haven't been able to read through eveything yet, sorry What I'm experiencing are probably start-up side effects. But I'm especially curious about that 'low' sort of 'wearing off' effect in the afternoon. Especially since I'm on the XL version which should release evenly during the day. My current dosage is 150mg XL. Any thoughts or similar experiences? Thanks for reading, Autumn
  8. Hi, I struggle with dissociation and am not doing very well at the moment. I feel like I'm really stuck, like I've completely shut down and I can't get myself going again. I've had this before but feel like it's getting worse. I'm very apathetic. Sometimes I'll just sit and stare and talking is hard because I feel like my mind goes blank and I've got nothing to say. Hence, therapy is a struggle and I'm not sure whether I should continue or not. I was wondering if anyone else is experiencing similar problems and what kind of treatment you're getting (therapy, meds,...?) Thanks, Autumn
  9. Trace and Sheepwoman, thanks for your replies. I've been on Invega for about a month now and I can't say I'm doing well. I don't know whether it's because of the meds or not, but I've had some really low moments again these past few weeks. Moments where I felt even more 'flat'. I'm not sure if the antipsychotic was a good choice. I'm having this vague panicky feeling right now. I don't know what's happening to me. I feel so immensely stuck. I've got an appointment with my T tomorrow (I cancelled my appointment 2 weeks ago - I just couldn't get myself to go) but to be honest I don't know if it's still of any use. With the apathy and flatness... I can't talk. I need this to stop... Autumn
  10. Hey Dee, It's been a while... Just wanted to say I'm sorry to read you're not doing well. So sorry to hear about Mrs P's passing as well. I've been back here a few times over the last few weeks although, in a way, I didn't want to be here. Guess you know what I mean. Take care (((Dewayne))) Autumn
  11. Hi all, I haven't been here for quite a bit. I guess I need some advice/opinions/experiences, although I'm well aware of the fact that you aren't pdocs and won't be able to really tell me what to do... Ok, long story short: I guess I'm having some sort of setback. I was diagnosed in 2005 with major depression. I started psychotherapy and my first pdoc put me on AD's (first Zoloft, then Effexor XR, then a combo of Effexor XR and Remeron, and in the end added a low dose amisulpiride, which is an atypical antipsychotic). The relatively high doses of meds were of little help. In 2006 I was hospitalized for 4 months. My second pdoc there diagnosed me with dysthymic disorder (low grade chronic depression). He took me off of everything since he claimed I didn't need any meds. I still don't have a clue what to think of these 2 extremes (lots of meds vs. none). My psychologist (who works with my first pdoc) agreed last week that it didn't make sense. I haven't been on meds since August 2006. I guess I'd rather avoid meds altogether but well, who doesn't? So now we're 4 years down the road and depression seems more like a secondary issue. And I actually don't think I'm really depressed at the moment. My psychologist told me the picture just wasn't very clear in the beginning, to her or anyone for that matter. My main problem seems to be that I dissociate a lot and it's a major roadblock when it comes to therapy. These last few months it made me 'feel' increasingly numb and 'unreal' (not in a psychotic way!). I'm losing interest in things again, I isolate, I'm more apathetic and I don't talk as much (up to the point of becoming mute sometimes). It makes me feel confused and locked up inside myself. There aren't any meds when it comes to dissociation. But since it is a defense mechanism and it's my way of 'coping' with or blocking out underlying hyperarousal, anxiety, etc
  12. Autumn

    Hugs to you ((((Sky))))

    Hope you're doing okay?

    Autumn

  13. Hi Missy, great to see you back!Haven't been around much lately myself, but just wanted to stop by and say hello.

    Hugs,

    Autumn

  14. ((((((((((Dewayne)))))))))))))) Thinking of you as well. I'm so sorry to hear about everything you're going through. I so wish things would get easier on you. I don't really know what to say. I guess I'm trying to figure out what this life is all about myself. Things just keep happening and so far, it seems like I don't understand one bit of it. Sometimes it helps knowing that I've made this deal with you not to give up. I hope you know that I believe in you as well and that we are all pulling for you. As Cookie said, you're always supportive to others but we're here for you too. Please do get in touch with your doc if you feel you're really slipping. I was also wondering if you're still in counselling? It is ofcourse your choice, but I feel you could do with some pro help/support. Lots of love, Autumn
  15. Hope you're hanging in there...

    Soft hug,

    Autumn

  16. (((((((((Dewayne))))))))))) thinking of you... autumn
  17. Hi Cutehobbit, I was reading through your blog and I just wanted to say that you did a good job telling all this to your doctor. I know I found it hard to go to the doc's and say how I was feeling, or that I wasn't feeling anything anymore and that I didn't care anymore. I especially relate to your flatness and feeling like there's a barrier between you and the world. I also relate to most of the other things you listed though, and I think a lot of us do around here. It's hard, I know. Try to hang in there and keep on writing. Sometimes it really helps to get some things off your chest. Take care, Autumn
  18. mmm yeah, I bet you're tired... Still, it's nice to see you're hanging in there, despite the huge aumount of energy it takes. Proud of you. Hopefully the weekend brings you some rest. Autumn
  19. Hi Jennifer, I'd think it means you have certain 'symptoms'/traits that also can be found in a personality disorder, but that you don't have a disorder per se. But then I think most of us here, even if we don't have a personality disorder, have certain 'traits' that are maladaptive. Ask your doc what he/she meant by this. Ask them to explain and why they want you to go to a TC. Get a clear picture, otherwise questions/worries/... are leading they're own life and you don't know where you're at. Keep us posted! Take care, Autumn
  20. Hi Dee, Just wanted to say you sound very positive and strong. It's nice to read things are going fairly well and that you had a good vacation. Sorry to hear about the accident. I'm glad you are ok Take care, Hugs, Autumn
  21. ((((Dewayne)))), I hope the change of scenery does you good. Safe trip! Hugs, Autumn
  22. Autumn

    Week 14 / 15

    It's been a bit of a struggle these last two weeks but I managed to get myself back on track. At least the part where I actually do things. I was able to break out of my apathetic mode. I've been getting up earlier and try to keep myself to it (also on weekends). My body doesn't agree atm, not sure whether it's just sleep or something else. I'm not feeling too well physically. Lots of headaches. Anyway, I hope I'll get into some kind of routine and perhaps I'll have less trouble going to sleep in the long run. I'm back to exercising 3 times a week and I'm pleased with the work I'm doing at the library. Still, I think I've got too much time on my hands. I'm waiting for a phone call from my job coach concerning a project I was interested in. It's an after school project for elementary school kids, mostly children who are less fortunate or who's parents are foreigners. They try to be there for the children to do 'homework', play games,... just give them a place where they get attention, help, etc... and also try to get their parents more involved with school. I'm not sure if it's going to work out or if I'm up for it. But I guess I could try and see where it takes me. I've also been thinking about asking my job coach for some sort of 'job profile test' (I don't know what it is called in English).It's just that I don't really know where I'm going with work. So maybe I should just do some test sometime to see what is out there for me. I'm still interested in doing something in the social sector. I think I still want to help people. But I'm not sure if it's a good idea. I'm not sure if I'm strong enough. It's no use in helping people out if you can't hold up yourself. It'd be wrong. If I choose to do it, I want to do it for the right reasons, you know? I also had a therapy session last Monday. I talked about my 'falling apart' feeling and the anxiety. My T thinks it mostly stems from not being used to feeling and sort of getting anxious about feeling anxious. She's probably right. I'm still pretty stuck in the feeling departement (or better, NOT feeling). I also told her it just makes me feel like there's something fundamentally wrong with me when I get like that. Actual bad foundations to build upon. She thought it was 'odd' I described it that way. Odd, because she never thought of me as having something 'fundamentally wrong' with me, as in having a psychotic core. She gave me some psychological explanation about psychotic and neurotic foundations. Let's not get into that (unless someone really wants to?). It's not like where theorizing everything. But sometimes it helps and it was pehaps a 'relief' of some sort. But in the end I still have my 'feeling'. And I find it very hard to explain. I could call it different things I guess, sometimes opposites. Like I'm not sure whether I feel like I'm about to fall apart or just collapse (more like imploding). Sometimes it feels more like I'm just withdrawing inside of myself (or my mind?). But I just go too far in it, up to a point where I can't feel my body anymore. And sometimes I feel like, I don't know, like water on ink. Like when you write something in ink and you leave it in the rain... it starts to flow into each other and the letters fade. I feel like my boundaries fade. Do I still make sense or should I just stop now? Anyway, feeling, I just can't do it at times. I just pile everything up inside. But I know things don't leave me untouched. I can't deal with my own sensitivity, so I shut down. I want to make contact with people but I can't do it for real. It's too much. Sometimes the mere psychic intimacy with my T or others scares the hell out of me, not to mention emotionally or physically. I also noticed I'm having a hard time giving and receiving hugs. I guess I'm just more aware of myself at times, which makes these kind of things harder. I used to be more of a 'physical' person when I was younger but in fact I didn't let people get close to me for real. Same things emotionally. I have a knack for talking about myself without really talking about myself. Most people just don't notice. I'm really trying to show more of the real me. I'm not sure what I'm scared of. It's not that I don't believe there are safe settings or people. I know that therapy for example is a safe setting and my therapist is a safe person to start with. It doesn't always feel like that, but it's better than before. I think I'm mostly scared that, like I said, I won't be able to let her (or others) close to me, that I won't be able to deal with being comforted or that I simply won't be able feel it, and that again I'll be stuck inside with all my feelings. Hmm, it sounds like a vicious circle, doesn't it? Anyway, I'm tired... I think I'll sign off for tonight. Autumn
  23. I'm a librarian too! I work at the local library 2 days a week. As a volunteer atm. Slowly building things up. I'm not sure where I'm going though. I guess I could do it as a real job. But I'm still interested in working in the social sector (meaning I have to go back to studying first which went completely wrong before because of depression, etc... I want to help people but I'm not sure if I would handle it. I think it'd be wrong to try and help someone if I don't hold up myself)
  24. Autumn

    Work

    ((((((((Sky)))))))) So sorry to hear about your employer deciding to stop your pay. It's ridiculous! I can't understand the 'reasoning' of some people. I understand it's worrying you. But please take care of yourself now first, focus on getting stronger. I'm so glad your parents are there for you. They're right. You can sort work out later. Your health is the most important thing right now! Take care (((((((((sky)))))))))) Hugs, Autumn
  25. ((((Dewayne)))) I'm really sorry for the way your mother treated/is treating you. You've never got the chance to built up a positive self-image. It must have hit you hard realizing this isn't how parents supposed to treat their children. It angers me how she humiliated you in front of your friend. And no wonder you never feel like 'you're doing enough'. A parent's love for their child should be unconditional. You're mother clearly thinks otherwise. It's already hard to stand up for yourself in normal situations when you haven't got the greatest self-esteem, but parents are just a category on their own. It so hard to let go those loyalties. This title of your entry reminds me of a book my psychologist gave me quite a while back. It's called "Toxic parents" by Susan Forward. Maybe you've heard of it. Just mentioning it in case you're interested. I read a part of it, quite confronting. I guess I wasn't ready so I put it away for a bit. But it gives you insight into family dynamics and I think it can help to allow yourself to acknowledge your feelings over certain things and to learn to stand up for yourself step by step. Dee, You ARE good enough! Take care... Love, Autumn
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